Oh yes.You have perfectly outlined my situation in few , precise words.
Oh yes.You have perfectly outlined my situation in few , precise words.
Thankyou @Starbright . It’s not easy is it. Years ago our marriage was slowly killed off as the verbal abuse possessiveness & unreasoning continued. Now I am very resentful to be in this position. I do this purely out of sense of duty but it still gripes me the verbal abuse. You haven’t gone on at all you just saying how it is . What more can we do . Take care speak soon .A xHi Beads ...your post could easily be my life apart from my oh never used or uses the f word....but he does have a way with words that cut so deep, but immediately forgets as soon as he’s had his say....and then becomes kind and loving no change really from the way he has always been in 57 years of marriage just so much worse since this vile disease took over, at least that’s what I keep telling myself. I have and am still trying with the compassionate fact sheet but it’s not easy. Sorry I’ve gone on a bit ...I do feel for you and know just how you are feeling stay strong hugs ...A
You should be super fit @Rosebush enjoy you walk I hope you don’t catch any rain. It’s been horrible here the rain. Decaf all the way for me. I used to like a drink now I can’t handle a good drink I’m a real lightweight. Speak soon. AxHi Beads, thanks ok now, I only have a drink at Christmas, so I think I will give it a miss in future and stick to decaffeinated coffee. Well OH has just informed me it has stopped raining so we're off for another walk with the dog, just wish he was still able to go on his own (I mean OH) Lx
Yes I know the feeling very well. Only trouble is with stuck with it . AxDear @Beads , not only isolated, but also in bad company.
I did it , too.I even took most of my pretty dresses to a charity shop last year as I thought I will never need them again
Oh my darling, we both did this. Gxx thank you for telling me, too.I did it , too.
I can't remember when I last dressed up.
Hi Mia 56. Please put me down for a room in your fun house, it seems ages since I had a good belly laugh, I know what you all mean about not going places where you get dressed up for. I’m a hoarder, too tight to give my dresses away, so I wear them for shopping etc, Best dressed customer in Morrison’s, that’s meOh my darling, we both did this. Gxx thank you for telling me, too.
Oh yes! @carolynp so well put! My OH is now in an assisted living so I do have freedom. I must say, my support group leader was correct when she tried to convince me to let him go and to console me...She said, "It's a gift. Take it."E
Carolynp it would be so nice ...and it’s The Beach Boys
My husband , too, is impatient."Let's go, let's go!" (Mr. Impatience).
This is sort of funny: OH and I were in the car trying to take a left turn. We had sat through about 4 red light cycles. He told me to get in the other lane. I said I couldn't as LEFT is the direction we needed to go. He was beside himself with the time it was taking for us to get through that light. And guess where we were going? To his first day in assisted living. Hurry, hurry, hurry. And now he has no where to go.My husband , too, is impatient.
Whatever he wants, he wants it immediately.
He is always in a hurry, even though he never has urgent things to do
And I did it too! Not dresses, in my case, but all the beautiful winter clothes I used to wear onI did it , too.
I can't remember when I last dressed up.
And put on those fancy robes or dressing gowns I think y'all call them.And I did it too! Not dresses, in my case, but all the beautiful winter clothes I used to wear on
long holidays in cold climates while at home everyone sweltered in the heat.
The fact that so many of us did this discarding of our finery makes me wonder if it was some sort of ritualised grief. We grieve - but the person grieved for is not dead - so perhaps we cast off the accoutrements of our lost lives instead.
@Starbright I am very very bad at compassionate communication. It’s not easy when you are at your wits end.
Oh you’re right! All I could think of when I wrote that post was the Cadbury’s version about ... if the world were chocolate! As I am addicted to the stuff, I guess that’s normal - for me at least!
Hope your day is going ok. xxx
I am so glad to read this and see that I'm not the only person who cannot get to grips with the Compassionate Communication. I've tried, I really have but I always end up shouting back at him when he has a go at me. It always comes out of the blue and the shock of him shouting makes me jump but try as I might, I just can't keep myself calm. If I walk away he follows me so one way or another, it always ends in a shouting match
Thankyou @Starbright . It’s not easy is it. Years ago our marriage was slowly killed off as the verbal abuse possessiveness & unreasoning continued. Now I am very resentful to be in this position. I do this purely out of sense of duty but it still gripes me the verbal abuse. You haven’t gone on at all you just saying how it is . What more can we do . Take care speak soon .A x
Yes! I too have decided there are limits to how nice I am prepared to be. I also have a fear of somehow losing my personality, which is pretty bolshie on the whole, if I suppress my normal reactions too successfully. My mother was at the beck and call of my father, and ended up being someone who just said "That's nice, Dear" for about fifty years. (No dementia, he was just a pain in the neck, a petty tyrant.). I don't want to end up a zombie.I am so glad to read this and see that I'm not the only person who cannot get to grips with the Compassionate Communication. I've tried, I really have but I always end up shouting back at him when he has a go at me. It always comes out of the blue and the shock of him shouting makes me jump but try as I might, I just can't keep myself calm. If I walk away he follows me so one way or another, it always ends in a shouting match