Grumpy OH

Tinas7

Registered User
Jun 5, 2018
23
0
Hello Mia

That sounds absolutely beautiful a holiday home. Somewhere hot I hope where you could sit and relax by the pool.
Always loved when we would holiday in a villa, your own pool rather than a hotel sharing with everyone ohhh wonderful memories. A cruise twice a year what a luxurious life you sound like you have had. Captains table every time :)?
I understand how hard this must be for you then as you you are both well travelled.

Your stepdaughter sounds like a card. It must be awful, is there a big difference in age between the sisters? With you saying they are close I am so surprised your own daughter has not said to her. Maybe she feels intimidated by her if she is that bad. You must wonder where her lovely GC come from.

If you love cooking and your workload gives you something to focus on then that is a godsend.

You take care now, it’s not something I believe in but they do say KARMA always catches up with they that do wrong. Look after you J tonight, remember he is in there.

God bless xx

God bless
 
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margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,280
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
I am not quite housebound yet but the other morning, and I only leave him in the mornings, he asked me for the first time if I should still be going to the meetings that I go to twice a month. My heart sank as I thought that perhaps I should but as I was driving there I felt such a relief that I was going to something where I didn’t have to think about or discuss dementia, I thought not yet. He was quite alright too and it made him do something independently.
My husband is still quite independent , even though his memory is poor and his reasoning even poorer.
When he retired in 2006 he moved from Milan to his house in the country in Piedmont, two hours' drive from Milan. When I retired in 2014 I joined him.
Two years later he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. There are the two of us here, no friends, no relatives, no acquaintances.
I do not mind being alone, but I find it unbearable him being clingy. When I go out , nine out of ten times, he says he wants to go with me.
Going to the supermarket on my own is a wild dream.
I know most of the carers here on TP have to manage more demanding situations, but I feel exasperated.
Dear @Grahamstown , don't give up that breath of fresh air twice a month.
 

Rosebush

Registered User
Apr 2, 2018
1,478
0
Hi Beads, just wondering how you are. Nothing changed here still the same day in day out, OH was grumpy yesterday but ok today(sort of) he is watching the Hobbit at the moment not sure if he understands it, I have just had a glass of Ballycastle (same as Bailey's but cheaper) should sleep well tonight. Take care Lx
 

Beads

Registered User
Jul 19, 2017
544
0
Hi Beads, just wondering how you are. Nothing changed here still the same day in day out, OH was grumpy yesterday but ok today(sort of) he is watching the Hobbit at the moment not sure if he understands it, I have just had a glass of Ballycastle (same as Bailey's but cheaper) should sleep well tonight. Take care Lx
Hi @Rosebush I’m ok Thankyou for asking. Hope you well too. You did right hope you enjoyed it & have a peaceful nights sleep. Ye it’s same old same old isn’t it .Take care speak soon & thanks.Axx
 

carolynp

Registered User
Mar 4, 2018
569
0
Wouldn’t it be nice if our OHs could read the Compassionate Communication guidelines?

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to go out on a guilt-free break for a few hours?

Wouldn’t it be nice to do something, anything - spontaneously - on our own?

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to leave our OH with a task, unsupervised - and not worry about them creating mayhem that we then have to clean up?

And wouldn’t it be nice not to be shadowed, to the supermarket - or indeed to the lavatory? Talk about managing a toddler ... but at least they grow out of it.

Here’s to selfishness, if that’s really what it means to crave some measure of adult independence and time alone.
 

Starbright

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
572
0
:)E
Wouldn’t it be nice if our OHs could read the Compassionate Communication guidelines?

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to go out on a guilt-free break for a few hours?

Wouldn’t it be nice to do something, anything - spontaneously - on our own?

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to leave our OH with a task, unsupervised - and not worry about them creating mayhem that we then have to clean up?

And wouldn’t it be nice not to be shadowed, to the supermarket - or indeed to the lavatory? Talk about managing a toddler ... but at least they grow out of it.

Here’s to selfishness, if that’s really what it means to crave some measure of adult independence and time alone.

Carolynp it would be so nice ...and it’s The Beach Boys:) :cool:
 

Rosebush

Registered User
Apr 2, 2018
1,478
0
Hi Beads, I think the Ballycastle worked, just got up 10.30am with an awful headache, that'll teach me. Lx
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,280
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
What else can we do?
If they do not have their way, they start shouting or become aggressive. And it is not worth arguing with persons who do not reason and remember.
Take care of yourself, dear friend
 
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kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
@Beads ... I just read your post and I thought you were talking about me!
My husband has always been feisty, and although he could be very loving, he could also be cruel and knew how to verbally hurt me. Now he has early onset dementia, and when he has a light switch moment, which is quite frequent, he physically looks a different person, everything is f...ing and swearing, and it can be very scary. I try so hard not to react. If he makes me angry I am able to walk away, but mostly he hurts me with the cruel things he says, and that is when I react. I guess I become defensive. He told me I ruined his birthday, he tells me I don’t do anything for him, he tells me to p... off and leave him for all the good I do. My every waking moments are looking after him. I have very very little else. And it’s slowly soul destroying.
I wish I could give you advice, but I can’t as I can’t sort my own life. But what I can say is that I’m thinking of you... because you are not alone.
Love B xx
Oh my dearest, I know. My OH used to turn into one of them alien monsters in alien!! That's how I saw him when he got angry, really did look a different person. And it's so hard to get this image out of your head, isn't it. TBH I was frightened for several years and am still trying to recover from feeling frightened of so much, even the weather (you know, rain, OMG the roof will leak, too much sun, OMG the lead will melt etc) and I was never ever like this before. I think living with dementia attacks our feelings of competence and power. Goodness knows how we get them back. By being honest and sharing on here, I think. As you do and I thank you so much. Darling when you wrote that you have very very little else. I know, I really do. I even took most of my pretty dresses to a charity shop last year as I thought I will never need them again. Sending you all my love and thoughts, really am. with love, Geraldine aka kindred. xxxx
 

carolynp

Registered User
Mar 4, 2018
569
0
:)E

Carolynp it would be so nice ...and it’s The Beach Boys:) :cool:

Oh you’re right! All I could think of when I wrote that post was the Cadbury’s version about ... if the world were chocolate! As I am addicted to the stuff, I guess that’s normal - for me at least!

Hope your day is going ok. xxx
 

Beads

Registered User
Jul 19, 2017
544
0
Im also not doing well with it ,it’s like as long as I’m not answering back or having an opinion etc we don’t argue and have the ensuing row...just be a quiet dutiful ,nursemaid,cook,the list goes on all would be well...problem is I always fought back over the years and often blamed myself now I realise after our children have told me “ it was never your fault Mum”...A
@Starbright same here.Ax
 

Rosebush

Registered User
Apr 2, 2018
1,478
0
Hi Beads, thanks ok now, I only have a drink at Christmas, so I think I will give it a miss in future and stick to decaffeinated coffee. Well OH has just informed me it has stopped raining so we're off for another walk with the dog, just wish he was still able to go on his own (I mean OH) :( Lx
 

Beads

Registered User
Jul 19, 2017
544
0
@Beads ... I just read your post and I thought you were talking about me!
My husband has always been feisty, and although he could be very loving, he could also be cruel and knew how to verbally hurt me. Now he has early onset dementia, and when he has a light switch moment, which is quite frequent, he physically looks a different person, everything is f...ing and swearing, and it can be very scary. I try so hard not to react. If he makes me angry I am able to walk away, but mostly he hurts me with the cruel things he says, and that is when I react. I guess I become defensive. He told me I ruined his birthday, he tells me I don’t do anything for him, he tells me to p... off and leave him for all the good I do. My every waking moments are looking after him. I have very very little else. And it’s slowly soul destroying.
I wish I could give you advice, but I can’t as I can’t sort my own life. But what I can say is that I’m thinking of you... because you are not alone.
Love B xx
Hi @Sad Staffs I am so sorry to read this. It’s horrible I know we do our best & more only to be talked too like a piece of dirt. As I have said this is how OH has been with me all our marriage so the dementia has just made it worse. So when he starts i cant even say oh it’s the dementia. It’s pathetic really He has just got up & is eating lunch in kitchen not a word was uttered . The host mode that he put on in France has stopped there cos he is back to his grumpy horrible self & im sick of it. As he said yesterday to me I don’t even want to speak to you at all. So be it he can get on . I know I am not alone there are quite a few in the same boat as us . Sad really. Thankyou for your post you take care speak soon Axx