1. Beads

    Beads Registered User

    Jul 19, 2017
    543
    Oh yes.
     
  2. Beads

    Beads Registered User

    Jul 19, 2017
    543
    Thankyou @Starbright . It’s not easy is it. Years ago our marriage was slowly killed off as the verbal abuse possessiveness & unreasoning continued. Now I am very resentful to be in this position. I do this purely out of sense of duty but it still gripes me the verbal abuse. You haven’t gone on at all you just saying how it is . What more can we do . Take care speak soon .A x
     
  3. Beads

    Beads Registered User

    Jul 19, 2017
    543
    You should be super fit @Rosebush enjoy you walk I hope you don’t catch any rain. It’s been horrible here the rain. Decaf all the way for me. I used to like a drink now I can’t handle a good drink I’m a real lightweight. Speak soon. Ax
     
  4. Beads

    Beads Registered User

    Jul 19, 2017
    543
    Yes I know the feeling very well. Only trouble is with stuck with it . Ax
     
  5. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,440
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    I did it , too.
    I can't remember when I last dressed up.
     
  6. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,286
    Oh my darling, we both did this. Gxx thank you for telling me, too.
     
  7. Hopeful123

    Hopeful123 Registered User

    Oct 24, 2015
    314
    West yorks
    Hi Mia 56. Please put me down for a room in your fun house, it seems ages since I had a good belly laugh, I know what you all mean about not going places where you get dressed up for. I’m a hoarder, too tight to give my dresses away, so I wear them for shopping etc, Best dressed customer in Morrison’s, that’s me
     
  8. imsoblue

    imsoblue Registered User

    Feb 19, 2018
    353
    Oh yes! @carolynp so well put! My OH is now in an assisted living so I do have freedom. I must say, my support group leader was correct when she tried to convince me to let him go and to console me...She said, "It's a gift. Take it."
    There is still much, much to contend with, especially the guilt monster when I do not go visit. And even out of our house, he continues to cause me pain. Then that ever present grief never leaves me.
    And to put it to the Beach Boys! We saw them live in concert in New Orleans. Jazz Fest!
     
  9. imsoblue

    imsoblue Registered User

    Feb 19, 2018
    353
    And I don't have to take him shopping anymore! I convinced him to come with me one time and we had to fill the car with gas/petrol(?) first. I got out, put the pump into my tank, and hooked it so it would automatically fill. I went back in the car as it will automatically kick off. While in the car I began doing banking on my phone. So I'm all into my banking and he shouts, "Let's go, let's go!" (Mr. Impatience). Because I was distracted, and because I'm accustomed to jumping when he shouts, I thought the gas tank was full, that he had heard it stop, and he was rushing me to get us to the store. So I jump out of the car and pulled the pump out. Wrong! Gasoline spews everywhere! In my hair, in my eyes, in my nose, in my mouth, and all over my clothes! Thank god no one lit a match! I got back in the car and poured a bottle of water into my eyes. I had to go to the eye doctor (oh my, I hate typing "eye doctor" again) and I had blisters inside my lids from the gas! He was impatient with the gas pump not filling the car fast enough! I wasn't paying attention enough to realize what was happening. I remember this story every time I fill up my car. Oh, and we didn't make it to the store.
    I am so thankful for all of you on this thread. It is a sisterhood I never would want, but it's so good to have!
     
  10. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,440
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    My husband , too, is impatient.
    Whatever he wants, he wants it immediately.
    He is always in a hurry, even though he never has urgent things to do
     
  11. Starbright

    Starbright Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    451
    Female
    @Margharita....my husband is the same I have to drop everything and do as he asks ,otherwise he throws his Toys out of the pram ... Hey Ho that’s my life or lack of it ....take care we are all in this nightmare together.,thank goodness for TP “hugs” A x
     
  12. imsoblue

    imsoblue Registered User

    Feb 19, 2018
    353
    This is sort of funny: OH and I were in the car trying to take a left turn. We had sat through about 4 red light cycles. He told me to get in the other lane. I said I couldn't as LEFT is the direction we needed to go. He was beside himself with the time it was taking for us to get through that light. And guess where we were going? To his first day in assisted living. Hurry, hurry, hurry. And now he has no where to go.
    I just go back from visiting him, bringing him a bag of Cokes and cookies. He flat out said I do nothing for him. How'd you get these cokes, cookies? Who washed your bedspread? Who has visited you on a regular basis? I practiced what I'd read here and got up and said I'm leaving. For once, I had his attention and he told me come back and sit down. I'm pretty sure he understands exactly how he treats me.
     
  13. carolynp

    carolynp Registered User

    Mar 4, 2018
    569
    And I did it too! Not dresses, in my case, but all the beautiful winter clothes I used to wear on
    long holidays in cold climates while at home everyone sweltered in the heat.

    The fact that so many of us did this discarding of our finery makes me wonder if it was some sort of ritualised grief. We grieve - but the person grieved for is not dead - so perhaps we cast off the accoutrements of our lost lives instead.
     
  14. imsoblue

    imsoblue Registered User

    Feb 19, 2018
    353
    And put on those fancy robes or dressing gowns I think y'all call them.
    That's a wise deduction. Casting away the outfits from the life you used to have.
    All of y'all should go buy a new, pretty dress. Do it for yourself!
     
  15. GinnyJan

    GinnyJan Registered User

    Jan 20, 2018
    48
    I am so glad to read this and see that I'm not the only person who cannot get to grips with the Compassionate Communication. I've tried, I really have but I always end up shouting back at him when he has a go at me. It always comes out of the blue and the shock of him shouting makes me jump but try as I might, I just can't keep myself calm. If I walk away he follows me so one way or another, it always ends in a shouting match :(
     
  16. Starbright

    Starbright Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    451
    Female
    Morning Loved the Beach Boys ....hoping all is well ...take care A. x
     
  17. Starbright

    Starbright Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    451
    Female
    :):)
    Morning, Its the same for me ....mostly he kicks off because he doesn’t want to do something ,it could be anything at all, just throws his toys out of the pram...sometimes it’s so hard not to Laugh:) a grown man acting like that ...otherwise I cry . take care “hugs” A x
     
  18. Starbright

    Starbright Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    451
    Female
    Thank you “hugs” A x
     
  19. carolynp

    carolynp Registered User

    Mar 4, 2018
    569
    Yes! I too have decided there are limits to how nice I am prepared to be. I also have a fear of somehow losing my personality, which is pretty bolshie on the whole, if I suppress my normal reactions too successfully. My mother was at the beck and call of my father, and ended up being someone who just said "That's nice, Dear" for about fifty years. (No dementia, he was just a pain in the neck, a petty tyrant.). I don't want to end up a zombie.
     
  20. Sad Staffs

    Sad Staffs Registered User

    Jun 26, 2018
    678
    Female
    Life is sh..e.
    Off to the hospital for his pre op and meeting with anaesthetist.
    My handbag is full of Incontinence pants, wipes, tissues, loperamide, plastic bags.... no perfume or lipstick for me.
    Even my handbag has been taken over.
    Oh, of course, I do have my purse so I can pay the extortionate car parking fees.
    Think I’m feeling a little cynical and hard done by this morning.
    You have to laugh, or ....
    Sorry I’m such a misery xx
     

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