@Beads ... I just read your post and I thought you were talking about me!
My husband has always been feisty, and although he could be very loving, he could also be cruel and knew how to verbally hurt me. Now he has early onset dementia, and when he has a light switch moment, which is quite frequent, he physically looks a different person, everything is f...ing and swearing, and it can be very scary. I try so hard not to react. If he makes me angry I am able to walk away, but mostly he hurts me with the cruel things he says, and that is when I react. I guess I become defensive. He told me I ruined his birthday, he tells me I don’t do anything for him, he tells me to p... off and leave him for all the good I do. My every waking moments are looking after him. I have very very little else. And it’s slowly soul destroying.
I wish I could give you advice, but I can’t as I can’t sort my own life. But what I can say is that I’m thinking of you... because you are not alone.
Love B xx