For Better or Worse Advertising Campaign

[Grannie G]

When I was caring for my wife 'living well with dementia' was the solution.

For me `for better or worse` was what kept me going well before this latest campaign.

It just shows how different we all are and makes true the saying `You can please all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but not all of the people all of the time.`

 

[lollyc]

If you think I’m heartless and cynical…well you’re probably right. But here’s the thing. Our local dementia support group is entirely funded by its members. The sum total of contributiones from charities like The Alzheimer’s Society and Dementia Uk is zero. And yet the cost of one of these adverts would probably pay for the hire of the community centre for over a hundred years. Hell it would probably build us a new one.

So true. We went to a great singing group run by a local church (Mum hated the big charity ones.) For the princely sum of £2 per couple, we got an hour of singing, run by a professional music therapist, and an hour of tea, chat and cake with volunteers from the congregation. Our contribution in no way covered the cost of this, and the church had to fund raise to cover it (the group was open to all faiths, or none.) Many times it came to the brink of closing. A donation from Az Soc - just a few hundred pounds - would have secured the future of this great community asset.

It's all very well funding research to treat / cure at some point in the future, but those of us dealing with this in the here and now need support too.

 

[Firecatcher]

I find the whole exercise of ”raising awareness“ a waste of time, money and effort. Most people are aware of dementia, cancer, aids, abused pets and the fact poor little wembay has to walk twenty miles everyday to collect dirty water. But until these issues directly affect you there’s no incentive to care beyond being ”a good person” and I’m not sure if that really makes you a good person anyway?

I mean how much do these adverts cost to make? Camera man, lighting crew, sound department, script writer, director, producer, editor, post production, catering. Eighty percent of the cost of anything is wages and these people don’t come cheap. They sure ain’t giving their time for free. So what’s the cost here and what’s the return? Is it really worth it? I’m sure that’s money that could be better spent.

If you think I’m heartless and cynical…well you’re probably right. But here’s the thing. Our local dementia support group is entirely funded by its members. The sum total of contributiones from charities like The Alzheimer’s Society and Dementia Uk is zero. And yet the cost of one of these adverts would probably pay for the hire of the community centre for over a hundred years. Hell it would probably build us a new one.

How much money has been spent deciding on the change of name for this forum? How many meetings, brainstorming sessions, focus groups? How much for the web designer just to change the font? And for what? To help people find something as easy as googling dementia forum. Go google it now. Talking point is the top result. So why waste money fixing something that is painfully obviously not broken. It’s all waste under the guise of “awareness”

It’s about time these organisations realised that the best way of helping is putting the money where it could do some actual good. In the hands of the people who 24/7 365 make a difference. The carers. Because until they come to that very obvious conclusion nothing will change and all the money in the world won’t change that.

Rant over.

As it goes though the adverts aren’t too bad.

I totally agree with you here and as someone with a background in the arts I can confirm that the ad would have been costly to make.

I wish more effort was made in campaigning for euthanasia for PWD if they are able to make this decision whilst still mentally competent. I’d certainly want this if I’m unlucky enough to develop this hideous condition.

The financial cost of caring is a subject which is rarely touched upon. I don’t care directly for my Mum but the petrol costs of travelling a long distance and taking unpaid leave from work or doing overtime to take time off in lieu certainly has had a massive impact. I don’t mean to sound mercenary but I feel I’ve got to do all I can to endure I won’t be a burden on others and need to save not spend.

 

[JessN12]

I actually cried my eyes out but more because I am getting married next June and have a long family history of dementia, including my mum who started at 74 with it. So I am very conscious of the the vow my fiancé is willing to take.
I am not sure it really highlights what its like for those who have never been close to anyone with dementia though.

 

[Chizz]

I actually cried my eyes out but more because I am getting married next June and have a long family history of dementia, including my mum who started at 74 with it. So I am very conscious of the the vow my fiancé is willing to take.
I am not sure it really highlights what its like for those who have never been close to anyone with dementia though.

Hi @JessN12
I don't think any ad can accurately portray what it's like to be a full time full time carer of a PWD .

Back in June 22 we attended the wedding of one of my granddaughter's.
As the young couple faced each other to say their vows of life and love, as a bit of a cynic these days, I wondered if they had considered each other for possible bottom wiping duties in 50 years time.
I've been full time carer for my OH for 5 at that time, and then I looked across at my wife in her wheel chair, and all I could see was the young, spirited, independent, beautiful and sexy twenty something I married 54 years earlier! I cried for both couples!

 

[Firecatcher]

Hi @JessN12
I don't think any ad can accurately portray what it's like to be a full time full time carer of a PWD .

Back in June 22 we attended the wedding of one of my granddaughter's.
As the young couple faced each other to say their vows of life and love, as a bit of a cynic these days, I wondered if they had considered each other for possible bottom wiping duties in 50 years time.
I've been full time carer for my OH for 5 at that time, and then I looked across at my wife in her wheel chair, and all I could see was the young, spirited, independent, beautiful and sexy twenty something I married 54 years earlier! I cried for both couples!

I got married 12 years ago but wouldn’t have considered it if I’d known my Mum would develop Alzheimer’s. I dread being a burden to my husband if I inherit this life changing disease and often wonder if it would be better if we separated now.

 

[Cap'n Grimm]

I got married 12 years ago but wouldn’t have considered it if I’d known my Mum would develop Alzheimer’s. I dread being a burden to my husband if I inherit this life changing disease and often wonder if it would be better if we separated now.

It’s not a foregone conclusion. And living your life as if it is isn’t living.

If I’ve learned anything from mums dementia, as past became blur and the future moved beyond imagination she lived entirely in the present. And so that’s what we talked about. That’s what we focused on. What was happening now. What we were doing now. And it’s a good way to be.

A life determined by what-ifs and maybes is just a fast way to watch your life slide away while you take no real part in it.

 

[Cherry2]

Can't quite put my finger on why the ad with the marriage vows annoys me so much. Is it the implied guilt trip or that it doesn't show what it's really like?

It actually annoys me too so I posted the thread to see just what others thought. My mother has advanced Dementia and is now in a Care Home but my father feels guilty that after 65 years of marriage he is no longer able to care for her. I think the current advertisement exacerbates his guilt and I feel sad each time the advertisement is broadcast knowing how upset Dad and others in his situation must feel.

 

[Cherry2]

The adverts need to inspire a "normal" person to understand (so far as one can in a 2 minute slot) and to inspire them to donate the funds AS is seeking.
Not to do with Alz's, here is a short 2 minute file about the power of the right message. What do you think?

The advertisement about the blind person is both empowering and inspiring! The Alzheimer's Society does have some inspiring advertising campaigns but sadly the current TV advertisement is not one of them.

 

[Palerider]

I totally agree with you here and as someone with a background in the arts I can confirm that the ad would have been costly to make.

I wish more effort was made in campaigning for euthanasia for PWD if they are able to make this decision whilst still mentally competent. I’d certainly want this if I’m unlucky enough to develop this hideous condition.

The financial cost of caring is a subject which is rarely touched upon. I don’t care directly for my Mum but the petrol costs of travelling a long distance and taking unpaid leave from work or doing overtime to take time off in lieu certainly has had a massive impact. I don’t mean to sound mercenary but I feel I’ve got to do all I can to endure I won’t be a burden on others and need to save not spend.

 

[Palerider]

I think you mean assisted dying as opposed to euthanasia. Just concerned about the money imperative -the slippery slope argument.

 

[KarenW23]

It’s one of those ‘marmite’ things. You love it or hate it. And I’m both.

I think it portrays that both sides struggle. The person with the diagnosis, and the carer. It shows the struggles that can occur, the tension, upset, disbelief and exhaustion. As well as love and empathy.

Some people are saying that the marriage vows suggest that carers should care for them at home, yet most other ads show people in care homes. I don’t think either is right or wrong it’s dependent on the individuals.

The reason I probably hate it, is because it’s real, although to others not going through this it’s not real. I’d ask does it represent an average situation (if there is such a thing)? Does the ad hit home hard enough or if it was harder would carers be upset?

It’s 7 from me 😁

 

[KarenW23]

I hear you in the subject of travel and unpaid leave. 🤗

 

[Firecatcher]

Yes I did mean assisted dying and can see how my comment about finances could be misinterpreted. I agree there is a potential slippery slope and people could be exploited.

I do struggle with the costs of visiting parents who fundamentally didn’t care for me and I struggle with lots of things due to a dysfunctional family background.

As already stated I am doing everything humanly possible to earn and save money so I’m not a burden to my husband should I develop this awful disease.

 

[Firecatcher]

It’s not a foregone conclusion. And living your life as if it is isn’t living.

If I’ve learned anything from mums dementia, as past became blur and the future moved beyond imagination she lived entirely in the present. And so that’s what we talked about. That’s what we focused on. What was happening now. What we were doing now. And it’s a good way to be.

A life determined by what-ifs and maybes is just a fast way to watch your life slide away while you take no real part in it.

I think the incidence of Alzheimer’s in families is far higher than people are led to believe and certainly a number of female relatives on my Mum’s side have suffered this fate.

I do lead a very full life - climbing, wild swimming, cycling, camping and absolutely live for the outdoors. I’m extremely fit and try to keep this way so I’m not a burden on the NHS or anyone else.

I certainly don’t intend to watch my life slide away and if anything it’s been emotionally very difficult having part of my life consumed by my mothers illness particularly after a difficult early life with her.

 

[Chizz]

I think the incidence of Alzheimer’s in families is far higher than people are led to believe and certainly a number of female relatives on my Mum’s side have suffered this fate.

I do lead a very full life - climbing, wild swimming, cycling, camping and absolutely live for the outdoors. I’m extremely fit and try to keep this way so I’m not a burden on the NHS or anyone else.

I certainly don’t intend to watch my life slide away and if anything it’s been emotionally very difficult having part of my life consumed by my mothers illness particularly after a difficult early life with her.

Hi @Firecatcher
Yes I agree - do as much as you can whilst you can.
Best wishes to you

 

[Palerider]

Yes I did mean assisted dying and can see how my comment about finances could be misinterpreted. I agree there is a potential slippery slope and people could be exploited.

I do struggle with the costs of visiting parents who fundamentally didn’t care for me and I struggle with lots of things due to a dysfunctional family background.

As already stated I am doing everything humanly possible to earn and save money so I’m not a burden to my husband should I develop this awful disease.

I wouldn't worry too much @Firecatcher there is only so much you can do and you can't predict the future -hopefully you wont endure the same fate as your family. Just to say it must be dufficult for you overseeing parents who were dysfunctional and you are amazing in doing the best you can in the circumstances.

 

[vivian t]

Sorry, on the contrary I think the advert deliberately implies that you should look after your partner no matter what. The advert is not hard hitting enough and does not sufficiently illustrate the impact of the disease.

I've made the heartbreaking decision that I can no longer care for my OH at home. We've been together 42 years. I've just seen the advert, it's made me feel even worse. Perhaps I'm more sensitive because of my situation but I too feel it's message is, you should look after your partner until they die because that's what you promised to do. I'm now in tears

 

[jennifer1967]

I've made the heartbreaking decision that I can no longer care for my OH at home. We've been together 42 years. I've just seen the advert, it's made me feel even worse. Perhaps I'm more sensitive because of my situation but I too feel it's message is, you should look after your partner until they die because that's what you promised to do. I'm now in tears

dont feel bad. that advert uses the marriage vows and really thats not fair for anyone that is caring for partner/husband/wife. you should feel good that you manged this long.

 

[Grannie G]

you should look after your partner until they die because that's what you promised to do

There`s no `should` about it @vivian t

We look after our partners for as long as we are able, with the best will in the world.

Sometimes we find we are unable to meet their needs for whatever reason. My husband was losing his mobility and still trying to go walkabout which put him at risk. At the same time he didn't`t recognise me which is why he kept trying to get out to find his real wife. I found it unable to manage and monitor his behaviour , his needs and his safety.

It was with a deep feeing of regret and grief I made the painful decision that residential care was the only option and he was so much better in residential care I wish I had realised it earlier.

For better or worse was always in the back of my mind but also in his best interests, which at the time was residential care.

We had been married for 46 years when my husband went into residential care. We had our Golden Wedding in the care home. He hadn't`t been abandoned. I visited every alternate day and our son visited at the weekend. He was more contented and peaceful in the home than he'd been for a long time and our final years together, with the help of the home, were the best we had had for years.