So glad you went to the rescue centre - I was sure a little kitty there would catch your eye...

He/she will be a distraction, a comfort and a confidante. You will know that you are needed and loved and you will have a sense of purpose - all things that seem to be missing from your life right now.

 

That is the most difficult aspect of dementia to cope with and I am so sorry. My husband is not as profoundly lost to me as your wife is to you but it’s still horrible. You are doing your best, small steps a bit at a time, not to get used to it but to live just a little and then maybe a bit more.

 

My sister reports that my wife does not seem to have missed me during my short break in Spain and was quite lady bountiful the other day. Being somewhere we used to go together has brought back all sorts of good memories. There was a rather untidily dressed and uncouth family in the restaurant one night. They put me in mind of Big Daddy (not that one) and the ‘no neck monsters’. My wife would have enjoyed criticising their boorish behaviour. She is far beyond that now and that realisation will always be tinged with sadness. Rather than dwelling upon what we have lost, though, I try to reflect on all the things that were so good about our life together. I am not saying that it is easy, but I hope @Dutchman and all who are in similar situations find the strength they need to get through.

 

Is it The Farewell?I saw it a couple of weeks ago,really enjoyed it

 

glad you enjoyed the film.
I’m inspired by you to actually do something for myself that involves socialising! I have a few films I want to see & I saw an amazing high tea reviewed in a series a couple of months ago! I have plans now action is required!

Watch this space!
X

 

you have gone through so much recently, it’s a tough time. The medication should help & you are doing your best for your wife. take care
X

 

Dear Dutchman, Your words and thoughts could be mine. My dearest man arrived at his care home on Friday. I feel so lost and broken. I have so much sadness and pain . I cannot put things into words at the moment. I don't think I will ever be able to recover from this.

 

Just to say you really mustn't feel guilty, you did your absolute best for your wife and she's lucky to have you. But also she's in a safe place now with professional care and you need to now think how to look after yourself. Don't know if it would be of interest but there are groups set up under the umbrella name of MeetUps all over the country (find them with a Google search), walking groups are especially popular, maybe there is some group in your area that might interest you.

 

So heartbreaking to read about the sadness the partners go through when their other half goes into care - it really is a grieving process but I just hope over time you can come to terms with it and find a joy in life again. Mine is some way from going into a care home, so I don't need to think about it yet but I still often cry for the man he was and the life we had.

 

Hi @Dutchman and @marshal

I share your pain - my wife has been in her nursing home for 4 weeks come Friday. If you've read my thread "Respite Woes", you will have seen that the progression from being able to care for her at home has been very rapid.

I am fortunate in that she has remained in her own happy world, so seems to have settled quickly. However, though I have been relieved of my 24/7 caring role, it is proving very hard to adjust to the sadness of leaving her there whenever I visit and the dread of walking into a empty house.

I join other forum members who recommend seeking out opportunities to get out and about socialising. This was singularly the most life-changing thing I did when my wife was diagnosed nearly 6 years ago. Adopting a local pub (we weren't pub people prior to this) not only kept her engaging with others but saved my sanity - big time!

Now I am on my own, so to speak, I look forward even more now to the weekends - sure it is a bit bitter-sweet, being there without her, but it is helping me to cope.

So whatever interests you (or could be of interest), do try to get involved. We are all here to give our virtual support too, so keep posting.

Kind regards
Phil

 

This caught my eye because for quite a while our local pub was a haven for us and to entertain our family and friends, because they understood the situation and have been so supportive. The more I tell people about my husband the more support we get from the most unexpected people. Very few have rejected us apart from his sister who has given up all pretence at being a support, which doesn’t affect him any more because he has very little memory. I have been there once or twice without him and the staff unfailingly ask how he is and make me welcome. The family come to visit us and we still go and have a drink and buy take away pizzas but he stays at home with the grandchildren watching TV. It’s the best we can do for him but I know that I could go there without him any time. I have found that openness has been the key for me to have support.

 

Marshal, thinking of you with love and all sympathy. Is the care home a loving one? I felt lost and broken too. You obviously love him so much, shines in your words.
Kindred.

 

Sounds good Dutchman. Worth giving your local meet-up group a go. Have you tried your local church. They might do lunches or afternoon teas in the week usually without any preaching if you're not a believer . I go to my local church twice a week but not to church services as I'm not a believer ... and no one mentions actually going to services ...in fact they don't mention
God at all.