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That is the most difficult aspect of dementia to cope with and I am so sorry. My husband is not as profoundly lost to me as your wife is to you but it’s still horrible. You are doing your best, small steps a bit at a time, not to get used to it but to live just a little and then maybe a bit more.
Thank you for your kind reply. I’ve said all this before probably on many postings but there still is with me a terrible sense that I abandoned her to the home to get rid of her dementia behaviour. Many have said that I did the right thing for her sake but my head and heart are full of guilt and regrets.
yes just came home. More satisfying if you have someone to talk to afterwards. Another day got through.
I didn’t socialise much just sat in the back row with a bottle of beer.
Just to say you really mustn't feel guilty, you did your absolute best for your wife and she's lucky to have you. But also she's in a safe place now with professional care and you need to now think how to look after yourself. Don't know if it would be of interest but there are groups set up under the umbrella name of MeetUps all over the country (find them with a Google search), walking groups are especially popular, maybe there is some group in your area that might interest you.
So heartbreaking to read about the sadness the partners go through when their other half goes into care - it really is a grieving process but I just hope over time you can come to terms with it and find a joy in life again. Mine is some way from going into a care home, so I don't need to think about it yet but I still often cry for the man he was and the life we had.
My heart goes out to you and you know my words aren’t empty because you and me are experiencing the same torment. My biggest surprise and shock was the difference between having her here with her dementia and once she’d gone the emptiness of house. I looked after her and I’d do it all again now I’ve experienced the heartache of her loss. I, like you, just don’t see a future without our loves. The emptiness is frightening. Write again to me if you want me as any support I can give.
My only advice is keep him at home as long as possible. Use any resources you can find. Even using Carers all the time can possibly be less expensive than a care home.
- my wife has been in her nursing home for 4 weeks come Friday. If you've read my thread "Respite Woes", you will have seen that the progression from being able to care for her at home has been very rapid.
This caught my eye because for quite a while our local pub was a haven for us and to entertain our family and friends, because they understood the situation and have been so supportive. The more I tell people about my husband the more support we get from the most unexpected people. Very few have rejected us apart from his sister who has given up all pretence at being a support, which doesn’t affect him any more because he has very little memory. I have been there once or twice without him and the staff unfailingly ask how he is and make me welcome. The family come to visit us and we still go and have a drink and buy take away pizzas but he stays at home with the grandchildren watching TV. It’s the best we can do for him but I know that I could go there without him any time. I have found that openness has been the key for me to have support.
Marshal, thinking of you with love and all sympathy. Is the care home a loving one? I felt lost and broken too. You obviously love him so much, shines in your words.
Going on Monday next week so I’ll let you know how I get on at a meet-up call Andys cafe
