Not sure if I should post this in the caring section as my mom is in a care home. I am only child it is basically down to me what happens to my mom the only other person that goes to visit her is her cousin - her brother and sister send 'conscience gifts' on her Birthday and Christmas - these gifts only started when she moved into the care home.
My mom is 86 this year and has lewy body dementia and has been in her current care home for just over 2 years - she is self funded. The admission to the care home was during a crisis as I could no longer ensure her safety and she point blank refused to have carers or any other form of help. She was basically found on the street by the police at 2am in the morning and her GP/Mental Health etc advised that she lacked capacity and could not be left alone. Apart from the dementia she is relatively healthy and is mobile.
Lots of little things have been bugging me with her care over the last few months as 'good' staff have been moved to a different part of the home and in my eyes things are slipping.
Arrived at the care home Monday to find a funeral procession blocking the entrance - the actual hearse with the floral tribute to Nan wobbled me a big time as that is what my mom is to my boys.
On going up to see my mom I found her still in bed at approximately 1145 wearing just a tshirt and pair of disposable pull ups and on checking with the carers she had not been up at all that day. I woke her and took her down to the dining room for breakfast as she was hungry I then went off to speak to Management as I was not impressed that she had potentially been inappropriately dressed for bed the night before plus she had not been encouraged to get up that morning. The Assistant Manager was on duty and she sort of agreed that it was not acceptable.
A while ago I had reason to believe that she was not receiving regular personal care so began counting the disposable pants that I took in and basically none went over a five day period. I spoke to the carers on duty and five minutes later the only way to describe it was they appeared mob handed in her room to give her a shower and in the carers own words 'so that I could see she was having one' - there was no way they intended to do it then as it was just before lunch it was purely for my benefit. I even spoke to the Team Leader after about the lack of personal care and he said he would look into it yet when I raised my concerns with the Manager on the Monday she knew nothing about it! Surely concerns raised by a relative should be passed onto Management.
The level of personal care has improved however I still monitor how many disposable pants are being used and keep a note on what she is wearing, hair washed etc. I have suspicions that her disposable pants are now being used elsewhere as my mom will not change herself yet pants are disappearing and the numbers do not tally with the days (for example Tuesday there were 11 yet yesterday there were none). Guess the excuse will just be a shrug of shoulders like it is when I question where the vast majority of her labelled personal things are that just seem to vanish.
One Sunday I arrived just before lunch to find Saturday nights sandwich untouched and still wrapped in foil on her bedside table. Would my mom have actually realised that this little foil package was her tea plus if she had eaten it so long after it had been left an upset tummy could have been the result. This was raised with the carers on duty that day and the Team Leader and once again when I brought it up with Management they had no clue.
One night she left her room, went down the corridor, got in the lift and entered the wing below unnoticed - they only realised she was there when screams were heard as another resident was also wandering and they had a disagreement over something. This was reported to safeguarding and apparently the police were called. They rung me some 12 hours after the incident at about 2pm to tell me yet when they found an unwitnessed scratch on her hand one morning rung me just after 730am - a phone call that early in the morning made my stomach sink into my feet. I went into see the Manager on the Monday after the safeguarding incident and she seemed surprised to see me - I had to explain to her what had happened!
My conversation with Management yesterday did not give me any confidence in fact I got very upset - I just want her to be looked after, appropriately dressed, clean and well cared for. She is settled, sadly I cannot say she is happy (neither am I) but do I consider moving her or am I overreacting.
I went to bed thinking about her, I woke many times in the night thinking about her and I am sitting here typing this with tears ready to fall.
I am in the process of selling her property to pay for the care home and I am terrified that the buyer will not proceed to completion (it sold last year and we basically then went down a rabbit hole for nearly 8 months whilst the supposedly cash buyer was then attempting to sell his property to his neighbour).
I just want to do my best for my mom but at the moment feel so alone in the decisions and completely overwhelmed plus I feel guilty that she is possibly not getting the care she deserves and that is ultimately down to me. My friend came out with the one liner earlier in the week that I should be stamping my feet to get what she is paying for - that hurt. I basically chose my own family over my mom and put her in the care home as there is no way my family (or me) would cope if I was to bring her to live with us.
If you have got this far thank you for reading I just feel a total waste of space at the moment.
My mom is 86 this year and has lewy body dementia and has been in her current care home for just over 2 years - she is self funded. The admission to the care home was during a crisis as I could no longer ensure her safety and she point blank refused to have carers or any other form of help. She was basically found on the street by the police at 2am in the morning and her GP/Mental Health etc advised that she lacked capacity and could not be left alone. Apart from the dementia she is relatively healthy and is mobile.
Lots of little things have been bugging me with her care over the last few months as 'good' staff have been moved to a different part of the home and in my eyes things are slipping.
Arrived at the care home Monday to find a funeral procession blocking the entrance - the actual hearse with the floral tribute to Nan wobbled me a big time as that is what my mom is to my boys.
On going up to see my mom I found her still in bed at approximately 1145 wearing just a tshirt and pair of disposable pull ups and on checking with the carers she had not been up at all that day. I woke her and took her down to the dining room for breakfast as she was hungry I then went off to speak to Management as I was not impressed that she had potentially been inappropriately dressed for bed the night before plus she had not been encouraged to get up that morning. The Assistant Manager was on duty and she sort of agreed that it was not acceptable.
A while ago I had reason to believe that she was not receiving regular personal care so began counting the disposable pants that I took in and basically none went over a five day period. I spoke to the carers on duty and five minutes later the only way to describe it was they appeared mob handed in her room to give her a shower and in the carers own words 'so that I could see she was having one' - there was no way they intended to do it then as it was just before lunch it was purely for my benefit. I even spoke to the Team Leader after about the lack of personal care and he said he would look into it yet when I raised my concerns with the Manager on the Monday she knew nothing about it! Surely concerns raised by a relative should be passed onto Management.
The level of personal care has improved however I still monitor how many disposable pants are being used and keep a note on what she is wearing, hair washed etc. I have suspicions that her disposable pants are now being used elsewhere as my mom will not change herself yet pants are disappearing and the numbers do not tally with the days (for example Tuesday there were 11 yet yesterday there were none). Guess the excuse will just be a shrug of shoulders like it is when I question where the vast majority of her labelled personal things are that just seem to vanish.
One Sunday I arrived just before lunch to find Saturday nights sandwich untouched and still wrapped in foil on her bedside table. Would my mom have actually realised that this little foil package was her tea plus if she had eaten it so long after it had been left an upset tummy could have been the result. This was raised with the carers on duty that day and the Team Leader and once again when I brought it up with Management they had no clue.
One night she left her room, went down the corridor, got in the lift and entered the wing below unnoticed - they only realised she was there when screams were heard as another resident was also wandering and they had a disagreement over something. This was reported to safeguarding and apparently the police were called. They rung me some 12 hours after the incident at about 2pm to tell me yet when they found an unwitnessed scratch on her hand one morning rung me just after 730am - a phone call that early in the morning made my stomach sink into my feet. I went into see the Manager on the Monday after the safeguarding incident and she seemed surprised to see me - I had to explain to her what had happened!
My conversation with Management yesterday did not give me any confidence in fact I got very upset - I just want her to be looked after, appropriately dressed, clean and well cared for. She is settled, sadly I cannot say she is happy (neither am I) but do I consider moving her or am I overreacting.
I went to bed thinking about her, I woke many times in the night thinking about her and I am sitting here typing this with tears ready to fall.
I am in the process of selling her property to pay for the care home and I am terrified that the buyer will not proceed to completion (it sold last year and we basically then went down a rabbit hole for nearly 8 months whilst the supposedly cash buyer was then attempting to sell his property to his neighbour).
I just want to do my best for my mom but at the moment feel so alone in the decisions and completely overwhelmed plus I feel guilty that she is possibly not getting the care she deserves and that is ultimately down to me. My friend came out with the one liner earlier in the week that I should be stamping my feet to get what she is paying for - that hurt. I basically chose my own family over my mom and put her in the care home as there is no way my family (or me) would cope if I was to bring her to live with us.
If you have got this far thank you for reading I just feel a total waste of space at the moment.