Dementia’s journey

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Dutchman, Aug 31, 2019.

  1. Dutchman

    Dutchman Registered User

    May 26, 2017
    415
    Male
    Devon
    My daughter has just text me from her holiday. Do this, do that, why is it that no one understands what pain we go through. She means well I suppose.

    So much so that I have found this morning impossible and I’ve gone back to bed with a tea and biscuits. I’ve cried for my wife for two hours and then the home called to say she’s tripped over. She’s ok but it’s just one more thing on my mind. The day drags and I can’t drum up any interest for anything.

    does anyone know the signs of slipping into clinical depression? That’s what I’m afraid of.
     
  2. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    873
    Lack of motivation,change in appetite,change in sleeping pattern,suicidal thoughts are all signs of depression.There are also others,your GP is best placed to advise you.Your daughter is doing her best,you need help and she is trying to help you.The home will always keep you informed of any accidents or illness,they have a duty to do that.Please go back to your GP,they might be able to push mental health service referral along
     
  3. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,277
    Female
    Chester
    As notsogooddtr says please go back to your GP.

    The home is duty bound to inform you but please don't think it is your fault or responsibility. It isn't now, but they have to inform you.

    Please try and do something, however little. Little building blocks will help you climb out of where you are, by doing things, but also you need help from GP to get there.

    Have you thought of getting another cat? We've always replaced our pets soon after they have gone, it has helped us get over the loss although we have still continued to miss the deceased pet.
     
  4. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    873
    It's a lovely bright day here on Merseyside,is it the same where you are?Could you sit outside with your tea and biscuits?Mental illness is not self inflicted but there are sometimes things we can do to help just as with physical illness.This is not a 'pull yourself together'message,I've been in similar place to you and know it's not that simple.I reached the point where I had to do something to start to take back control of my life,maybe you're not quite there yet.I agree with JM though, try (if you can)to do something,no matter how small, to give you something else to think about for however short a time.
     
  5. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,277
    Female
    Chester
    I had hesitated to mention weather as I too have sunny weather, prob quite close to notsogooddtr - I am in Ellesmere Port, so only a few miles from Merseyside - I think you are in Devon.

    I've looked to see and some bits of Devon have had rain today.

    Put on a pair of wellies and walk in the rain if it's raining. I do find it miserable when sat in the house if it's raining but if I go out it's not so bad.

    Sorry I wasn't around over the weekend, my son was at a fencing tournament. And my job is a little hectic at the moment, new software has caused a lot of issues.

    Please try and take some control back by doing something.

    When my son died I went out on my bike every morning, and as I started off my brain started thinking and the tears would flow, so I found hills to ride up which meant I had to work hard and concentrate on riding. I spent a few weeks doing this and always hoped I wouldn't see someone I knew with the tears flowing down my face.

    When you are doing things you can still cry but the doing things will help you take some control back.
     
  6. Dutchman

    Dutchman Registered User

    May 26, 2017
    415
    Male
    Devon
    I’m now been prescribed Diazapam for my emotions. Also on doctors crisis watch over the weekend. This is partly due to my daughter laying down the law about what I should or shouldn’t do. And my wife not responding to me at all and me just wanting some understanding from her which I’m never going to get.

    I’m thinking of getting another cat and I’ve seen one at the rescue centre. Who knows? Let’s see!
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,751
    Kent
    I hope the Diazepam will help you Dutchman.
     
  8. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,277
    Female
    Chester
    That sounds a good idea, we've always had rescue dogs (2 dogs so far) but we've always had kittens (2 pairs of cats so far) that we've become aware of. Think I'd want an adult cat next time so rescue it will be.
     
  9. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,203
    Nottinghamshire
    I hope the diazapam brings some relief @Dutchman

    A cat sounds like a lovely idea. Something to look after.
     
  10. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    873
    Could you have a day off visiting today?It seems to cause you so much distress.Your wife will be OK,your health seems to be the more urgent issue at the moment.
     
  11. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,708
    move been caught up in my own PWD crisis so have just caught up with your thread.

    you really are going through it all at the moment aren’t you? I’m glad your daughter laid down the law- if it helps my own daughter who is 22 laid down the law ( so to speak!) on Wednesday when I couldn’t stop crying & getting agitated at the situation my PWD is in.

    I’m glad you sought help, it can feel a lonely path & you are not alone in feeling this.

    I think the cat is a wonderful idea, we have always had rescue animals- maybe their are two cats who have always been together that need a home? These are always harder to place - I hope you & your feline companion( s) get to cuddle up together soon.

    lease remember you are not alone here on TP - we are all just trying to muddle our way through life day by day. ((((((hugs))))))
     
  12. Dutchman

    Dutchman Registered User

    May 26, 2017
    415
    Male
    Devon
    Yes I know that I have take care of myself and the diazepam seems to calm me down. Yes my wife will be well looked after and when I go there she can’t really give me any comfort apart from her actual physical presence.
    Loneliness is such a curse and although I have some good friends and support from our church my house is empty and only I have the memories now.

    I feel like going back to bed. Is there any harm in that, it’s just exactly what I want to do right now. Cinema tonight.
     
  13. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    873
    Do exactly what you need to do.Enjoy the cinema,what are you seeing?
     
  14. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,708
    oooh cinema...... to see what ?
    I do understand the need to just sleep I’m so exhausted all the time. My family tell me I just shut down & retreat into myself & I guess that my daughter & husband are frustrated when I do that ! Yes I know I have people in the house with me ... but I would rather be alone & just sleep & not have to face the reality of the day ahead!

    sound familiar?

    so to save myself from getting bedsores I’m forcing myself tired, emotional & mentally exhausted to get up & join the human race!
    I believe it’s sunny outside....time to find out!

    have a doze then come & see if the bright orb in the sky is actually sunshine

    enjoy the cinema I am inspired to book to see something myself now - thank you
     
  15. Dutchman

    Dutchman Registered User

    May 26, 2017
    415
    Male
    Devon
    So sorry you’re having a rough time with your PWD. Do you feel like letting me know what’s wrong. I’ll respect your decision.
    My daughter didn’t help as there was an undertow of jealousy about my other daughter who’s mum it is (second marriage ). I don’t have the capacity or energy for family upsets. I hope I’m doing the right thing getting a cat and I hope he settles down ok.
     
  16. Dutchman

    Dutchman Registered User

    May 26, 2017
    415
    Male
    Devon
    We have a tiny cinema in Totnes that dates back to 1950 and it’s been refurbished and shows non main stream films so this one is about a Chinese family drama .
     
  17. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,708
    Oh lovely it’s all on my thread
    So is this it?
    Very sweet of you to be concerned,In a nutshell but it’s a bit of a battle to get the increasing care needs met for my Dad. Meanwhile my Mums dcare has been handed over to another team & her GP the GP is a bit of a chocolate teapot!!! To put it politely
     
  18. Rosebush

    Rosebush Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    1,478
    Maybe you could rescue a dog, they are such good company and the walks will get you out of the house, I don't know what I would do without my dog! I have also joined a gym, best thing I have done and I was 70 last week.
     
  19. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,708
    Totnes is a lovely town, a real community town I do the Christmas market there every year - my market family & friends. Have been doing this for over a decade now. Highlight of my social calendar
     
  20. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,708
    congratulations & I’m impressed!
    Mind you the thought of anymore form filling makes me Blanche at the moment!!
     

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