Dad now failing rapidly :-(

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Carer1, Sep 12, 2010.

  1. maryw

    maryw Registered User

    Nov 16, 2008
    3,805
    Surrey
    It is so hard to find the energy after dealing with all the worry leading up to bereavement. Hope you can find some time to relax. Take care xx
     
  2. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    92
    Manchester
    #82 Carer1, Sep 22, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2010
    Funeral Date and Time...

    Hoorah... after many phone calls with me chasing information and several threats of incompetence and so on - 4 days after my dad died! :( - I finally have a date and time for my dad's funeral! Which is yet another week away.

    Missed deadlines for newspapers so have to try and get them sorted tomorrow for insertion next week!!!
    Long story but at least now I can plan. Family informed. Also will be able to see my dad for the first time on friday since he died :confused:

    Never will I prepay a funeral again!!! I also now have to find extra cash for the upheaval of the gravestone and engraving so will have to wait for the insurance monies to come through in about 3 weeks or so to do that. Will also sorted as brother notified me of nothing in search... We told him that but he wouldn't listen... gggrrr

    My original cortege staring point has now been lost due to other bookings at the venue but no problem, now meeting at church then following hearse in funeral car to burial & back.

    Not cut and dried yet though still fighting with insurance people and so on. Watch this space. Will be so glad when this is over. Running round again tomorrow but going to try and see if I can chill on friday as we're out at a birthday party that evening - I need it to wind down!!

    Saw doctor today and explained how stressed and drained I feel.

    big sigh....

    xxx
     
  3. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    92
    Manchester
    Final respects to Dad

    I've just been to pay my last respects to my dad and to order the funeral flowers whilst I was in the area. :)

    He looks so smart in his Royal Marine Blazer and tie etc.... and also at peace.

    I hope he thinks I've done him proud.

    xxx
     
  4. Vonny

    Vonny Registered User

    Feb 3, 2009
    4,577
    Telford
    There is no doubt, Nadine, that your dad will think you've done him proud. Well done. I've only just caught up with all the hassles you've been having and can only admire your strength and energy which has seen you through.

    Your dad will be very, very proud of you. How wonderful that you have seen him at peace xx
     
  5. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    92
    Manchester
    Went to church this morning and informed them that Dad's name was to be moved from the prayer list onto the deceased :( also prayed that he was being looked after and was reunited with family.

    By the time it came to them announcing the prayer lists I was fighting back the tears. A few of the congretation come and spoke to me and passed on their condolences. Had a cup of tea with them after the service. I guess I needed it as a practice run for the emotions now it's so final if you can understand that. I'm officially an adult orphan and can understand how my mum felt when my gran died all those years ago. Hope I don't break down on Friday, I've written the Eulogy and will be reading it.

    Saw my eldest brother and his family yesterday when the visited :) and the baby my dad saw in the summer - my how he's grown. I've been informed also that there are three new babies to be born into the family over the next six months or so. It brings home the fact that life has to go on after death.

    xxx
     
  6. piedwarbler

    piedwarbler Registered User

    Aug 3, 2010
    7,188
    Female
    South Ribble
    Will be thinking of you over the coming days Nadine. I can't believe how supportive you have been to me at a time like this and I am still praying for you to find peace at this time. I hope all goes smoothly, I will pray that you will give the eulogy with strength and confidence. I am sure you will do your dad proud. x
     
  7. Jo1958

    Jo1958 Registered User

    Mar 31, 2010
    3,724
    Yorkshire
    Nadine, hi
    I was thinking about you this morning and hoping that you were getting support from attending church, so pleased to read your post.
    Take care of yourself, kind regards, Jo
     
  8. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    92
    Manchester
    Vicar just phoned to finalise friday's service. Informed him of eulogy and he said ok. Also asked if I had any hymns and told him they were already planned. My partner just assisted me with chosing the music for entering and leaving church as I hadn't even had a chance to think about it. Dad's photo going to be placed on the coffin for the service.

    My partner also suggested that he could do a montage of photo's of my dad and give it out to the family as a keepsake.

    xxxx
     
  9. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    92
    Manchester
    Dad's Birthday

    Was my dad and my late gran's birthday's yesterday and I couldn't travel anywhere as my car has packed up, so I'm trapped till it's fixed!!! One thing after another.... :(

    xxx
     
  10. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    92
    Manchester
    I've been watching a visual presentation that my partner's done of photos of my dad to music. Can't help crying as I watch it. :(

    xxx
     
  11. piedwarbler

    piedwarbler Registered User

    Aug 3, 2010
    7,188
    Female
    South Ribble
    It sounds like you have planned a well thought out service for your father - what music are you having for leaving and entering church?
    Are you still feeling stressed and drained, as much as you did last week? Was your GP helpful? I hope you are feeling like you have climbed the mountain of arranging the funeral with all its hiccups and can give yourself some time to rest x
     
  12. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    92
    Manchester
    I am feeling less burdened (but more weepy and sleepy)and feel lost without my car which gave up on me last friday so I can't come and go as I please until it's fixed! :( Was also being swamped with paperwork! Doctor prescribed something but it knocks me out so only taken one so far...

    There are still things I have to deal with including the insurance policies but that now seems to have turned a corner as the legal guy attached to funeral people phoned me out of the blue yesterday and was really really helpful. He suggested alternative to having to go through probate letters due to lack of monies in estate and kept me informed whilst he made phonecalls back and forth, thankfully... Someone watching over me perhaps?

    During service the hymns are 'Abide with Me' and 'Psalm 23' which were my dad's favourites. Music for entering the church is 'Elbow - one day like this' and leaving is 'Josh Groban - you raise me up'.

    Busy shuffling house round now for family staying over from thursday. So much to do and so little energy!

    Found some pictures I'd not seen before in a bag that was in amongst his papers - must have been hiding. lol One of them was my mum and dad when they were younger, I'd forgotten just how slight my mum was compared to dad - he was so tall back then.

    thanks for being there folks. (((hugs)))

    xxxx
     
  13. Jo1958

    Jo1958 Registered User

    Mar 31, 2010
    3,724
    Yorkshire
    Nadine, hi
    Well done for getting so much sorted, the music sounds great and I'm sure will help to personalise the service for you all.
    The legal guy sounds good, it's nice to hear that someone is supporting you on the paperwork side of things.
    Take care of yourself and rest as much as you can, the car might be a blessing but I hope it gets fixed soon.
    Kind regards, Jo
     
  14. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    92
    Manchester
    Just starting to write the letter to the insurance people with details of family and so on and the letter of complaint to the funeral people. We're really disgusted about how they handled things, especially offering only two bearers for the coffin!! I still think it was due to the fact we had a parepaid funeral plan in place and they wanted to do as little as possibly as cheaply as possibly. Was going to start my own pre-pay but decided not to bother now, I'd sooner try and get my will updated with my wishes and monies put away a little each week towards the cost along with my own insurance policies..

    Spare bedroom nearly sorted (boxes piled up out of the way lol) and with clean bedding and stuff ready, now need to attack the lounge and kitchen. :( family travelling up tomorrow.... It didn't help with dog being ill this morning and my having to clear it all up.... yet more to deal with at this time but hey.... I'm used to it.... when one thing goes wrong there is always more to follow... it could be worse!

    Had to chase up the union flag this morning - just to make sure! Don't want them forgetting it.

    I'm trying to be positive amongst everything else. May chill out afterwards with a film on tv... who am I kidding? lol... have to go food shopping when partner get's in from work.... hey ho...

    big sigh... time for a cuppa me thinks...

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  15. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    92
    Manchester
    Letters were written and posted. Also received one today fron nursing home to say that I'm due a refund :) all goes towards the uplifting of the headstone.

    I sat down with a cuppa and slowly nodded off... lol that's what I get for relaxing. partner came in and we went shopping, had to think on my feet as to what to buy.

    spare room and lounge sorted.... family start arriving lunchtime tomorrow....

    xxx
     
  16. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    92
    Manchester
    Overslept again! Checked dad's obituary online and asked the newspaper to send me a copy. Busy day today as people start arriving. bins to put out, hair to wash, laundry to sort....
    xxxxxxxxx
     
  17. Vonny

    Vonny Registered User

    Feb 3, 2009
    4,577
    Telford
    Good luck with the arrivals, Nadine. More stress for you but at least it will keep you occupied! Will be thinking of you tomorrow xx
     
  18. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    92
    Manchester
    Enjoying seeing the family, nephew and niece also here that I haven't seen for a while :)

    One of my children also been in touch ;)

    Currently having a glass of wine to unwind...
    Will let you know how funeral goes.

    xx
     
  19. Jo1958

    Jo1958 Registered User

    Mar 31, 2010
    3,724
    Yorkshire
    Nadine, hi
    Will be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping all goes well.
    Take care of yourself.
    Best wishes, Jo
     
  20. Heather777

    Heather777 Registered User

    Jul 24, 2008
    267
    Bristol
    Nadine, thinking of you today-hope that the funeral leaves with a sense of peace and that you know that you have done all that was required of you.

    Heatherxxx
     

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