Dad now failing rapidly :-(

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Carer1, Sep 12, 2010.

  1. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    Please accept my condolences .
    Am sorry you have family problems at a time like this

    As executor of the will your brother should know where the will is. It could be at a solictors , ours are, or it could be your bro has it .
    You certainly dont need this on top of everything.
  2. sallyc

    sallyc Registered User

    Aug 20, 2008
    So sorry to hear your sad news. Thinking of you
  3. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Dear Nadine,
    I'm sorry to hear your news. My condolences to you and your family. I hope that with your father's passing, your brother will have a change of heart.
  4. normelle

    normelle Registered User

    Apr 25, 2010

    oh nadine,so sorry to hear your sad news.take care if you can ,you will need a lot of strength.god bless
    love normelle xx
  5. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    thanks everyone... your messages are very much appreciated..

    Big brother is a great help to me.... staying for as long as he needs to to help me out with everything...

    He's also put little brother in his place and put the ball back in his court re the will... 'prove it and show it or shut up and let me get on with it' is what he told him... :)

  6. maryw

    maryw Registered User

    Nov 16, 2008
    Dear Nadine, so sorry to hear of your sad loss, but relieved that your Dad is now at peace. I hope the family issues calm down. xx
  7. Jo1958

    Jo1958 Registered User

    Mar 31, 2010
    Nadine, hi
    Thinking about you today but I'm sorry that your dad has now gone, my sincere condolences to you and my best wishes to you for comfort in the days ahead, please take care of yourself.
    Kind regards, Jo
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Please accept my condolences Nadine. xx
  9. Willowgill

    Willowgill Registered User

    Mar 29, 2008
    South Yorkshire
    Nadine I'm sorry you missed your dad's passing - it always seems to be the way - I think they pick their time when they are alone. I hope you find some relief now he is at peace and your family troubles get sorted out quickly. That is the last thing you need to be dealing with right now. Take care.
  10. piedwarbler

    piedwarbler Registered User

    Aug 3, 2010
    South Ribble
    So sorry Nadine. I hope the days ahead bring you some peace as you lay your father to rest. I'm keeping you in my prayers x
  11. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England

    Hello Nadine – so sorry to read this update ... one of my mum’s favourite phrases was that people ‘got their reward in heaven’ (good or bad) sincere condolences on your loss, and my hope that issues with other family will be swiftly resolved but can be laid aside for this time in which your father deserves respect.

    The only urgency about finding a will at this stage is if you believe there might be specific requests about tributes and funeral directives made (long before EPAs and LPAs were thought of) ...... legacies, responsibilities and the rest can wait ..... I hope the rest of the family respect that for you.

    Love, Karen, x
  12. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    So sorry to hear your news. Glad you have big brother to support you. X
  13. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    Thanks folks for your support and messages of condolence, they're really appreciated. My brother and I have been running round today and have finally registered the death. Have to go back to the funeral home tomorrow to complete 'paperwork'. I've taken up dad's Royal Marine Blazer with his badge on and the tie so that he looks really smart as he would want. I've also asked them to trim his beard as he deperately needed it.

    Younger brother finally backed down with excuses and mumblings re the alleged will today so hopefully all is back on track. ;) Funeral should be the middle of next week.

    Other than that I do feel better now that I can focus on giving dad the funeral he deserves and let him rest in peace. Lots of letters and phone calls to make now, list is endless hoping I don't miss anyone off with legalities regarding insurance companies etc.

    will keep you informed.

  14. Heather777

    Heather777 Registered User

    Jul 24, 2008
    Good for you Nadine, keep doing exactly what you know is right for your dad and I hope that everything else falls into place. At the end of this process, your relationship with your brother may not be right, but you will not have any need for regrets about you didn't do. Good on your older brother relaying round for you-hope that leads you into feeling supported.

  15. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    Brother and I returned to the undertaker this morning. I set the funeral plan in order 3 years ago and what a commotion! We travelled a fair distance and left very early to be there for 10.00am... We were kept waiting for nearly 20 minutes despite us contacting them last night and giving certain information over to them! Three people have now dealt with this issue in the last 24 hours and talk about incompetence and information NOT being passed on at a time when you'd think it would!!! :(

    I now have to wait for the funeral home to contact me re a booked date and time before I can even get round to booking the newspapers adverts to alert people!

    Lot's of phone calls and letters to do now too.

    Brother and I have decided to contact the Royal British Legion and the Royal Marines too regarding dad due to him being member of both. In fact some of the Marines went into the nursing home a couple of years ago to see him on VE day and spoke to him about his medals which he was so proud of. :)

    He's now returned down south but will be back at the weekend. :)

    I'm writing the Euology for the funeral, as the vicar has no idea who my dad was, I didn't see much of him this last 40plus years but I can at least pick out the good parts....

    Just heard 'Dance with my Father' on the radio... tears flowing now. ;-(

    The following verse was passed to me today by a friend, I hope you don't mind me posting it.... in memory of my dad and all those who fought for this country - a generation now falling in numbers!

    A Poem Worth Reading

    He was getting old and paunchy
    And his hair was falling fast,
    And he sat around the Legion,
    Telling stories of the past.

    Of a war that he once fought in
    And the deeds that he had done,
    In his exploits with his buddies;
    They were heroes, every one.

    And 'tho sometimes to his neighbours
    His tales became a joke,
    All his buddies listened quietly
    For they knew where of he spoke.

    But we'll hear his tales no longer,
    For ol' Bob has passed away,
    And the world's a little poorer
    For a Soldier died today.

    He won't be mourned by many,
    Just his children and his wife.
    For he lived an ordinary,
    Very quiet sort of life.

    He held a job and raised a family,
    Going quietly on his way;
    And the world won't note his passing,
    'Tho a Soldier died today.

    When politicians leave this earth,
    Their bodies lie in state,
    While thousands note their passing,
    And proclaim that they were great.

    Papers tell of their life stories
    From the time that they were young
    But the passing of a Soldier
    Goes unnoticed, and unsung.

    Is the greatest contribution
    To the welfare of our land,
    Some jerk who breaks his promise
    And cons his fellow man?

    Or the ordinary fellow
    Who in times of war and strife,
    Goes off to serve his country
    And offers up his life?

    The politician's stipend
    And the style in which he lives,
    Are often disproportionate,
    To the service that he gives.

    While the ordinary Soldier,
    Who offered up his all,
    Is paid off with a medal
    And perhaps a pension, small.

    It is not the politicians
    With their compromise and ploys,
    Who won for us the freedom
    That our country now enjoys.

    Should you find yourself in danger,
    With your enemies at hand,
    Would you really want some cop-out,
    With his ever waffling stand?

    Or would you want a Soldier--
    His home, his country, his kin,
    Just a common Soldier,
    Who would fight until the end.

    He was just a common Soldier,
    And his ranks are growing thin,
    But his presence should remind us
    We may need his like again.

    For when countries are in conflict,
    We find the Soldier's part
    Is to clean up all the troubles
    That the politicians start.

    If we cannot do him honour
    While he's here to hear the praise,
    Then at least let's give him homage
    At the ending of his days.

    Perhaps just a simply headline
    In the paper that might say:

    Pass On The Patriotism!
    YOU can make a difference


  16. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007

    Sincere condolences on your Father's passing. May you be granted the strength to get you through the coming days.

    Best wishes
  17. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    Funeral people collected dad on Sunday, yesterday was Tuesday and by close of play - despite going in at 10.00am and a promise of they will get back to me as they pencilled in a provional date - still no definite date or time!! :confused:

    Have typed the newspaper announcement, but can't put details in or place it and have missed one deadline, how many more?? They need to get to grips with people's lives, I understand they're busy but they get paid for this!

    Fell asleep for three hours about 9.00pm when watching film on tv :( then went to bed... now need horlicks to see if I can get back to sleep as it's 2.00am and I've just been lying there as usual with my head spinning despite trying to empty it. Little things are causing hiccups in the process as I phone around to announce dad's death with officialdom!

    Maybe I'll start on the Eulogy whilst I'm awake and get it out of my head.

  18. sunray

    sunray Registered User

    Sep 21, 2008
    East Coast of Australia
    Nadine, so sorry you are going through this after the death of your Dad. The days in between the death and the funeral are never easy. Just do what you can do and leave what you can. There really is no rush and it will sort itself out.

    Try to sleep or at least rest. We say "Rest in peace" for those who are gone but we as survivors need that rest and that peace too. Try playing some music softly in the background in your bedroom, put some lavender essence on your pillow, snuggle down, keep warm and maybe sleep will come.

    It is time to take up whatever help friends offer, bringing you some home cooking, helping with gardening, mowing your lawn, helping you with telephone calls, helping you fill in forms, is also something a good friend can do. Most of all just being there to share a cup of coffee with you and help you dry your tears.

    Hope it all starts to straighten itself out soon.

    (((Hugs))) from Sue.
  19. piedwarbler

    piedwarbler Registered User

    Aug 3, 2010
    South Ribble
    #79 piedwarbler, Sep 22, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2010
    Hi Nadine

    I am so sorry your dad has passed away and just wanted to say that poem is really beautiful and thank you for sharing it. I have been keeping you in my prayers, you don't seem to have had an easy time with making the arrangements. x
  20. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    Thanks folks, I need those prayers at the minute.
    It only really hit me and my brother yesterday about my dad. We've travelled soooooo many miles in the last couple of days and I'm sure there'll be more to travel.

    I nearly forgot his shoes and when we emptied his room at the nursing home I thought I'd better take them up otherwise he'll be telling me off for leaving him half dressed. :rolleyes:

    Started on the eulogy in the early hours. may just try to sleep today after I phone the blooming undertaker. soooo tired and weary.


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