Dad now failing rapidly :-(

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Carer1, Sep 12, 2010.

  1. serena

    serena Registered User

    Jul 17, 2010
    Dad now failing rapidly


    Thinking of you, good to hear your faith and prayers can help you at this very difficult time.

    Take care

    Best wishes

  2. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    Just arrived home from visiting dad and the residents at the sheltered flats. Feel more upset than usual due to no responses from dad except for his arms waving involuntarily and a gargled sound from his throat which I'm told is normal.

    His Doctor was called out today regarding the request for a medication driver as apparently dad in pain and uncomfortable when they've been moving him and he wouldn't let them clean his eyes of the crustiness or swab his mouth, so one eye is closed and the other half open. :( Hopefully it will be sorted by tomorrow after his medication has helped him.

    Dad din't even flinch or respond when doctor examined him this afternoon. I was updated by doctor on what to expect now plus he asked me how I was coping... He's Not on morphine due to his renal failure so an alternative is being given.

    I'm still holding his hand and talking to him, I keep talking about letting go and I love him and things to try and ease his passage home. Although I've been expecting this for so long, as the day's go by and he declines more and eases away from me and the land of the living it still hurts... ;'-(

  3. nicoise

    nicoise Registered User

    Jun 29, 2010
    Hello Carer1,

    You're doing so well, trying to do all the organisation and communication, seeing people, and your father... everything you should be, or could be, doing, and so much more.

    It does just hurt, however long you have been expecting it - and your broken sleep shows how much stress you are going through.

    Do look after yourself, and I hope the doctor is able to keep your father pain-free and peaceful.

    Best wishes xxx
  4. maryw

    maryw Registered User

    Nov 16, 2008
    Thinking of you xx
  5. Scottie45

    Scottie45 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2009
    Dear Nadine

    Thinking of you at this sad time,your dad and you will be in my thoughts and prayers,take care Marian xx
  6. Willowgill

    Willowgill Registered User

    Mar 29, 2008
    South Yorkshire
    Nadine I'm sure your dad can still hear you - it's the last sense to go. I do hope his (and yours) suffering will soon be over. Thinking of you.
  7. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    Back from family visit to dad. Staff changed driver whilst I was there. His eyes and mouth had been cleaned but one eye still half open, drinks untouched on table. No real change in dad, no communication, sharp shallow breathing. Family shocked when they saw him due to him being so skeletal ;-(

    Staff mentioned the flat available for relatives with me living so far away, they will clear it out and get the key for me.

    Going to church tomorrow but may just phone in and have time off and go down monday. Need me/ partner/ family time... turned radio on for him and asked staff to leave it on.

    spoke to dad again very softly about letting go and not being afraid.
  8. Jo1958

    Jo1958 Registered User

    Mar 31, 2010
    Nadine, hi
    I hope you have a good family, you time. Your dad is safe and well cared for, you have done everything you can.
    Take care of yourself, you and your father are in my thoughts.
    Kind regards, Jo
  9. Jancis

    Jancis Registered User

    Jun 30, 2010
    Dear Nadine,
    Hope you can find inner strength and your dad will soon find his own peace.
    Love Jancis x
  10. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    family are s**t....

    Didn't get to church as planned for extra strength this morning due to a bomb shell dropped on me :eek: ......

    despite my being a carer for the last 5 years my brother whom I've not seen for the same time and whom i was pleased to see over the weekend AND who KNEW all the arrangements and accepted my hospitality..... has just informed me (before he went out of the door) that he was involved in the making of my father's will back in the 1990's!!! He's executor & main beneficiary.... :confused:

    Was this before or after the demntia started??? Where is it??? not in my dad's papers as I have them!!!

    WHY did my brother do this?*!?*!?*! why tell me at that moment!!! why not years ago!!! Self Self Self...... what does he expect to gain... dad has NOTHING!!!

    I've followed my father's wishes all this time!!!

    anger and extreme emotions now ensue and a very stressing time now to find this alleged will etc..... madly trying to contact local newspapers and radio stations now where my dad used to live to palce public announcement!

    HE knew what I went through to find mum's body 20 years ago!!!

  11. Jo1958

    Jo1958 Registered User

    Mar 31, 2010
    Oh Nadine, I am so very sorry
    There is nothing I can do except totally agree with your emotions, awful, terrible behaviour.
    Can you get a copy of the will from your brother, or has he gone and left that hanging in the air, spiteful person.
    Is there an evensong you can go to later and get some support, I do hope so.
    Please take care of yourself and treat your dad to everything now that you know where any money left will go, I'm sure he would agree to buying you some flowers too.
    Kind regards, Jo
  12. tryme

    tryme Registered User

    Sep 2, 2006
    Coventry U.K.
    Such strength

    To read your words is a moment of joy but in the wrong context to those who dont understand you you have, joined a small band of people who have been able to openly to tell the world how it really is to live with dementia , i hope others will have the strength as you have to and to not to hide away, i as a host" of azheimers" and many others applaud your openess, on behalf of all of us al thank you
  13. Carer1

    Carer1 Registered User

    Jul 26, 2010
    #53 Carer1, Sep 19, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2010
    Dad ... RIP.....

    I received a phone call at 2.20pm to say dad's breathing had changed. Rushed down but missed him due to the distance I needed to travel ... He died this afternoon at 3.00pm! ';-((

    I had a feeling this morning that something was up I am glad that I phoned the home this morning to ask them to get as vicar/priest in to give him a blessing. He looked at peace when we visited.. Although we are C of E a Catholic priest visited but who cares... it gave him peace at the end of the day! We are all one in God's eyes.

    I also had a date in my head all week of 19th but the brothers poo poo'd it...

    My 6th sense kicked in again ... NEVER wrong!

    Eldest brother on his way up from Derbyshire.

    Busy day's ahead now but instead of laying him to rest I now need to find this blasted will!!!

    thanks for your support

    RIP Dad, you are now finally at peace

  14. Heather777

    Heather777 Registered User

    Jul 24, 2008
    Nadine praying for you-you did a great job just remember that in the midst of organising everything xx
  15. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    Nadine, I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you strength and comfort in the days to come.
    Your dad is at peace now, and I pray that you can find your own peace despite events.
    Thinking of you,
  16. Winnie Kjaer

    Winnie Kjaer Account Closed

    Aug 14, 2009
    Please accept my sincere condolences.

    I am so sorry you are having family issues on top of your fathers death and pray you will find the strength to get through this difficult time.
  17. turbo

    turbo Registered User

    Aug 1, 2007
    Hello Nadine, I am sorry to hear the sad news about your Dad.

  18. Charizomai

    Charizomai Registered User

    Best Wishes

    Like everyone here I would just like to offer a word of support. My mom is 20 years younger but entering the same stage. I am also heart broken and share your agony. This too shall pass and we will continue with more understanding and wisdom, by the Grace of God.
  19. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    My deepest sympathies for you at the loss of your Dad.

    I am sorry you have family difficulties to contend with too, but will your elder brother not help you now on the Will situation? I would hope you both have some claim on this especially if you have been the consistent carer.
  20. ChristineR62

    ChristineR62 Registered User

    Oct 12, 2009
    NW England
    Dear Nadine

    I'm so sorry to hear the news about your dad.


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