Hello Carer1,
You're doing so well, trying to do all the organisation and communication, seeing people, and your father... everything you should be, or could be, doing, and so much more.
It does just hurt, however long you have been expecting it - and your broken sleep shows how much stress you are going through.
Do look after yourself, and I hope the doctor is able to keep your father pain-free and peaceful.
Best wishes xxx