Book buying obsession

[Niamhynoo]

My dad has always loved books and is still an avid reader; however, he has recently started hoarding books. He has always had bookcases full of them but we have run out of space for more bookcases. They are now piled high all over the dining room table, in wardrobes, on the floor in the bedroom (big tripping hazard) and in carrier bags in the living room. Only yesterday he bought 11 new ones! We have tried reasoning with him, to no avail and have tried putting our foot down. He won’t give any away because ‘a good book is like a good friend’ and he claims he likes reading some more than once. Any advice would be appreciated as the books are becoming a real hazard and we don’t want to end up on the tv programme - hoarders! Thank you.

 

[Helly68]

@Niamhynoo - this is a bit of a sideways take, but does he have the ability to use a Tablet? I am thinking Kindle and e books, which at least dont take up much space?
Probably a non-starter if he is a fan of traditional books. Maybe encourage library visits - books can be borrowed and then go back? It can be very hard with this kind of obsessive behaviour (though I buy a lot of books myself so can understand his enthusiasm) it does get a bit much when you are tripping over them. Would he "lend" any of them? My Dad gets a lot of pleasure from lending books - but might not work if he gets worried about getting them back.
This kind of behaviour is very hard to get a handle on. You have my sympathies.

 

[Niamhynoo]

@Niamhynoo - this is a bit of a sideways take, but does he have the ability to use a Tablet? I am thinking Kindle and e books, which at least dont take up much space?
Probably a non-starter if he is a fan of traditional books. Maybe encourage library visits - books can be borrowed and then go back? It can be very hard with this kind of obsessive behaviour (though I buy a lot of books myself so can understand his enthusiasm) it does get a bit much when you are tripping over them. Would he "lend" any of them? My Dad gets a lot of pleasure from lending books - but might not work if he gets worried about getting them back.
This kind of behaviour is very hard to get a handle on. You have my sympathies.

Thank you for the suggestions. He will lend my sister a couple of books but unfortunately not at the rate he buys them. He definitely won’t use his kindle any more - he seems to like buying the book more than reading it at the moment. We’ll try the library visits and see if that helps reduce his purchases. Thank you.

 

[jugglingmum]

Overbuying is a classic dementia behviour. I didn't live with my mum (or visit due to historic hoarding issues) but she'd certainly been obsessively buying the same items, some from shops and some old fashioned mail order from leaflets through the door.

Stopping him buying books will probably fail - and lead to big arguments that might even entrench his behaviour.

You will need to think around the problem for a method that might work, being a bit sneaky as that is the only way with dementia when logic has flown out of the window.

If you start sneaking some of them out the house will he notice? If he queries maybe make sure the most recent purchases are to hand so show him and say here's the most recont ones dad and there aren't any missing. I think you need to try this and see how it goes.

Is he physically buying them or online? If physically can you sneak a few out daily and then back to the shop, if on line if the card details aren't saved can you scratch off the last 3 digits or block the website, delete the saved card details on the website?

As Helly68 suggests library visits could help as it will satisfy some of the obsession.

 

[jennifer1967]

im another that buys loads of books and have bookcases full of them and pile on top of them. difference being that when i finish them they do go out the door. i love the smell of a book as well. not helpful to you. can you siphon off the ones right in the back that he probably forgotten about and had for years. i find that its a calming place so wonder if thats the same for him or that he didnt have books when he was young so over-compensating for it now. is there a spare room he could have as a library so he doesnt trip over them?

 

[Niamhynoo]

Overbuying is a classic dementia behviour. I didn't live with my mum (or visit due to historic hoarding issues) but she'd certainly been obsessively buying the same items, some from shops and some old fashioned mail order from leaflets through the door.

Stopping him buying books will probably fail - and lead to big arguments that might even entrench his behaviour.

You will need to think around the problem for a method that might work, being a bit sneaky as that is the only way with dementia when logic has flown out of the window.

If you start sneaking some of them out the house will he notice? If he queries maybe make sure the most recent purchases are to hand so show him and say here's the most recont ones dad and there aren't any missing. I think you need to try this and see how it goes.

Is he physically buying them or online? If physically can you sneak a few out daily and then back to the shop, if on line if the card details aren't saved can you scratch off the last 3 digits or block the website, delete the saved card details on the website?

As Helly68 suggests library visits could help as it will satisfy some of the obsession.

Thank you. I think it may have come to the time where we sneak some out. He’s buying them physically at second hand book stores as I do all his online stuff now.

 

[Niamhynoo]

im another that buys loads of books and have bookcases full of them and pile on top of them. difference being that when i finish them they do go out the door. i love the smell of a book as well. not helpful to you. can you siphon off the ones right in the back that he probably forgotten about and had for years. i find that its a calming place so wonder if thats the same for him or that he didnt have books when he was young so over-compensating for it now. is there a spare room he could have as a library so he doesnt trip over them?

Thank you. Unfortunately we have used up all the available space in every room. I did suggest he sold the large dining room table that’s got loads of books on to make room for more bookcases but he wouldn’t do it. It also only solves the problem temporarily. I think we will need to sneak some older ones back out the house.

 

[Helly68]

Sounds like some subtle disapearing of older less looked at tomes might be called for.
My father (who has alzheimers) is very determined and refuses almost all help, expect from his lovely next door neighbours. His house is not very clean, surrounded by his collection of exotic animals, but that is how he likes it. Cordless hedge trimmers/branch loppers are strewn all over the dining room, but he won't change. He may well fall over them and end up in hospital, but that is another story.......

 

[Niamhynoo]

Sounds like some subtle disapearing of older less looked at tomes might be called for.
My father (who has alzheimers) is very determined and refuses almost all help, expect from his lovely next door neighbours. His house is not very clean, surrounded by his collection of exotic animals, but that is how he likes it. Cordless hedge trimmers/branch loppers are strewn all over the dining room, but he won't change. He may well fall over them and end up in hospital, but that is another story.......

It seems impossible to change their ways. I am just waiting for a fall over all the books.

 

[Helly68]

Sometimes, all you can do is try to reduce the risk of an accident. When they live alone, there will always be some risk. I try to accept this and deal with any crises as they happen. It would be great to plan ahead before disaster, but my father is still pretty able to get his view across and I cannot, and would not want to, try and make him do something. I would like him to have carers regularly to help with cleaning etc, but he refuses.

 

[Niamhynoo]

Sometimes, all you can do is try to reduce the risk of an accident. When they live alone, there will always be some risk. I try to accept this and deal with any crises as they happen. It would be great to plan ahead before disaster, but my father is still pretty able to get his view across and I cannot, and would not want to, try and make him do something. I would like him to have carers regularly to help with cleaning etc, but he refuses.

It’s so hard when you’ve got their best interest at heart. Dad has always had a cleaner and then announced the other day that he didn’t think she did anything he couldn’t do! I’m hoping this is a passing phase and he doesn’t cancel her.

 

[Helly68]

Yep, indeed! My Dad assures me he is cleaning all the time. Having a parrot is not conducive to a clean home but even so I doubt he is getting the hoover out much, nor would I expect him to. On the other hand if no one does, the place gets a bit grubby. I have to find a way to get him to think that this was his idea.........

 

[Niamhynoo]

Yep, indeed! My Dad assures me he is cleaning all the time. Having a parrot is not conducive to a clean home but even so I doubt he is getting the hoover out much, nor would I expect him to. On the other hand if no one does, the place gets a bit grubby. I have to find a way to get him to think that this was his idea.........

We’ve occasionally tried the ‘dad, I’ve booked …… to come and do …….. if you don’t like it, let me know and we won’t ask them again’. He tends to then go along with it. The other thing we do is say it’s a present - that’s how we got him on to the jelly hydration drops. We do find the more we push, the more he pushes back but somethings we can’t ignore.