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A new stage in my life...................

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Grannie G, Jan 24, 2014.

  1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,084
    Kent
  2. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    Hmmmm these "signs" could just be coincidence, I'm not superstitious....

    But.....

    Whenever I feel a down/difficult moment... small white feathers appear as if from knowhere....
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,084
    Kent
    Common sense tells me they are just coincidences but the dates seem significant.
     
  4. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    These feathers of mine give me comfort... coincidence or not

    Hope you are comforted too xxxx
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,084
    Kent
    Thanks 2jays

    I`m not comforted. I don`t need to be comforted. I`m able to accept my lot.

    I`m just trying to understand. :confused: :)
     
  6. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    Trying to understand....

    My first thought... if these coincidences are "messages" you'd better accept them as messages or what will the next message be like :) :) :)

    Or

    Perhaps a better fixing method as the one used seems to have a short sticky/fixing life....

    Much prefer my idea they are messages :)
     
  7. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,504
    Female
    Near Southampton
    I find white feathers every day - there are about a dozen white doves owned by someone living nearby. Needless to say I find no significance nor comfort from any of them.I also found a trail of them in the woods where I walk the dog.
    However, things falling and time coincidences are different. Well, to me they are. Like when you dream of someone you haven't even thought about for years and then you see them the next day.

    Yes, Sylvia but only two at the present time or have I missed something?
    Be prepared!
     
  8. Pollyanna

    Pollyanna Registered User

    Jul 8, 2008
    814
    That is interesting Sylvia.

    Can I ask, does the bible reading have an significance to Helen choosing to be Helen33?

    I can understand it being more baffling that comforting.

    I also have found the feathers at the most appropriate times. I conclude it is because it is an emotive time and that their presence are more noticeable because of it. But, it's still odd!
     
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,084
    Kent
    No Pollyanna. The 33 was something to do with her Internet server.

    My Tai Chi teacher and I have searched the net and have found quite a lot of conjecture about 33 and 333. I`m sorry for wasting time but I think I`ll be leaving it alone for now at least.

    It`s still a coincidence my two glass pendants fell on Dhiren`s consecutive birthdays though . Perhaps I will wait to see what happens next year. :)
     
  10. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,984
    Cotswolds
    That is a strange coincidence, Sylvia. I'd be pondering too.
     
  11. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Strange happenings indeed, Sylvia. It reminds me of the pot falling off the wall outside, fo absolutely no apparent reason, and breaking another larger pot, on the morning of Bernard's funeral. xx
     
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,084
    Kent
    Thanks Jinx and Anne.................

    Now........

    I`m finding time is not a great healer. It isn`t getting better with time. I have something significant to do nearly every weekday . The weekends are no longer the source of peace and quiet they used to be.

    The novelty is wearing off .

    I used to take pleasure in solitary walks. Now they are too solitary. I`ve looked for groups but not found anything at the weekends.

    I`m not depressed. I don`t feel unhappy. There is a feeling of emptiness I can`t shake off and I`m not sure how to help myself.

    Is this how it is?
     
  13. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    60,127
    Female
    Dundee
    Thinking of you Sylvia. It's hard.
     
  14. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    I understand that emptiness feeling

    I'm not sure if I can help. I'm hoping it's not going to continue for much longer for me or for you.

    I try to fill my days, not only with "things to do" but with quiet things too, but for me I have an emptiness that I too don't know how to fill

    I guess I use my coincidence feathers to try to believe/fill the emptiness for a moment

    I have no answers, just understanding
     
  15. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,504
    Female
    Near Southampton
    It is how it is for me Sylvia. It's hard to be in an empty house but harder still sometimes to be out alone.
    Yesterday, I decided to force myself to use the membership of the arboretum nearby which I bought in March when I decided I had to do something but have yet to go there since. As I was away for most of May I seem to have missed the annuals which I usually buy for a few pots so thought I might find some remaining in the nursery there and then have a cup of tea and a short walk in the lovely gardens.
    I didn't find anything I wanted in the nursery and decided I'd rather come home for a cuppa and left the gardens unvisited.
    Next time maybe!
    The other thing I did in March was to join the local U3A and have yet to attend a meeting! x
     
  16. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    I feel the same Sylvia, it's the emptiness that gets to me. No one to talk to at home, apart from the dog, but he rarely comes up with a sensible answer.

    I do go out a lot, to classes, but those are now stopping for 3 or 4 months over the summer, and start again in October. At the end of the class though, I come back to an empty house.

    I also miss having someone to hug me; that's my biggest miss

    thinking of you x
     
  17. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,084
    Kent
    So we`re all in the same boat. I thought as much.

    I went to Tai Chi today with friend Pat. She lost her husband a month before Dhiren died but she is much older than I am [ 83 ] and her husband was 101.

    She understands the emptiness too. She says she is not lonely but she is alone.

    Yes Jan, the hugs and physical closeness are a big miss. I`m not easily a hugger but the warmth Dhiren and I shared was easy and is sorely missed.
     
  18. sunray

    sunray Registered User

    Sep 21, 2008
    1,431
    Female
    East Coast of Australia
    Sylvia, when I had counselling some months after Ray died the counselor told me anytime I felt lonely, anxious or thought a panic attack was imminent to go to where people were, the shopping centre if it was cold or wet, a park where there were people around or a beach side cafe if it was fine and sunny. I did that often at first but more rarely now. She said to fill my life with people and because of my personality to increase the volunteering work I did to keep me busy. I found all of that advice spot on for me.

    I like to keep busy as keeping busy stops me from moping. I have a garden and do handwork, knitting, sewing, beading but that is part of my silent time alone. I most miss Ray's company at night about 8pm when the dinner would be over and there was time to talk. Being a long term carer meant that I was used to the fact that he was always here with me apart from hospitalizations and the occasional respite. Of course I got used to him being around and even when he could no longer hold a conversation at least I could always talk to him.

    I don't think there is a solution apart from the passing of time as now, going on for five years since he died, I do feel less lonely when alone. I have filled up as much time as I can. I do do things that give me exercise as well as pleasure like gardening and going for a walk, I do have people I can invite out for coffee and the various things I do as a volunteer in my church helps to fill Sunday so the weekend does not seem too empty for me.

    I hope you too find worthwhile things to do to fill in time and that you find pleasant pastimes to fill the time when you are alone.
     
  19. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    60,127
    Female
    Dundee
    Just catching up here. Yes it's the hugs and holding hands I miss so much.
     
  20. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    Yes, it's the closeness and also having someone to share thoughts with; even when he had dementia, I always shared my thoughts with him.

    I have to accept that this aspect isn't going to get easier.
     
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