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A lifelong friend and me

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,824
North West
Today is mum's birthday and we have been out to Chatsworth had tea and now are at home after a not too bad a day. Mum is again more agitated/hyper/restless I am wondering if she has yet another UTI, although her leg is looking very red, but doesn't feel hot ??? Anyway she has despite this been quite happy and content. The finale of the day is a chinese meal, which mum is looking forward to (and so am I, I'm bloody starving).

I start with the laundry service this week, which hopefully allows me to focus on other things and not feel deflated when I have to start ironing shirts and trousers for work. I am also looking at tumble dryers as mums accidents are becoming more frequent as we approach winter and there is no way on this earth I will get everything dry if I depended only on the weather. Any tips on good tumble dryers would be welcome fellow TP members.......
 

secrets

Registered User
May 27, 2017
17
In 2011 I left London to come home to the North West, after a long career as a senior nurse in intensive care. When I arrived everything was normal as far as I could see with my parents. Dad had been treated for melanoma which had spread, but he'd been treated and had survived past the 5 year mark (just). I had secured a job in New Zealand with a one way ticket, but something held me back -my mum. If I could have taken her with me I would. So with mum in mind I didn't go to New Zealand.

I had always mixed feelings about coming home, it was my roots and natural, but on the other hand dad and I never got on and he was a drinker ( and quite a ******* when he was ****ed on whisky). I had resolved if mum went before dad that I wouldn't take on care responsibilities for him. What happened is that dad died before mum and so here I am writing this. In 2015 dad died from his cancer, within three weeks his of admission to hospital. That chapter closed quite suddenly and I have to say quite emotionally. What was left was mum and me and a whole new world of Altzheimer's, mum and me.

Mum and I are are old friends, we are lucky in that respect. We have stood by each other through thick and thin whatever comes. We have supported each other and even both took our A level art and pottery together a long time ago which I am glad we both did. I didn't really start caring for mum until 2015, she had been diagnosed in 2010. She had a bad fall at the end of 2015 and when examined in hospital they said she was 'quite remarkable' given her diagnosis -I agreed she was amazingly good some five years after diagnosis. But, there was one problem, mum refused to take her donepezil, she had done since they were first prescribed and dad, for love nor money couldn't get her to take them. So I gave her an ultimatum either she takes the tablets and I can help her, or she doesn't I won't be able to help for much longer. Consquently she started to take them.

We have got through nearly four years without needing much help (although I have on occasion nearly torn all my hair out), but over the last six months things have began to escalate. Plus I work full time in the NHS and can't give up my job, I am single and have to think about my future when I am old and grey too (if I get that far the way things are going at the moment). I might be an experienced nurse, but caring professionally is very different to caring for your own, and I can say fairly honestly my emotions span from being ok on happier days to being very dark on bad days. Which brings me to something I have seen glimpses of in these forums, how we cope and how not coping takes over the carer, I saw one phrase 'carer breakdown' in one thread.

In 2005 London was bombed by terrorists, I was called into work to intensive care. I won't describe what I saw or what hospital I was working at, I will say it was horrific. But we carried on as we Brits do, 4 of our patients survived in ICU, one sadly died the night of the bombings. A year later something then happened to me and it seem to come from nowhere. I was sectioned under the MHA for acute depressive episode with an element of psychosis. I was treated for three months and returned to work a very different person to the one I was before. So much had been going on in my life all the stress, worrying about my parents at home, my own unhappiness in London and then the bombings, it all took its toll. Its over ten years now since that all happened.

I have recently involved social services (SS) as I can't cope on my own anymore with my good friend, mum. I have to say I always thought social services would be more caring and forward coming in advancing help when it really is needed. I like many others on this forum have learned that I am in fact naive on these matters and can say truthfully my emotions have ranged from feeling like I have failed mum and extreme anger towards the SS and in fact to the state, that seems to let us down over and over again. I am in tune with my emotions now after my own episode in 2006 and I can recognise the darker side of my personality when it tries to pervail and know what to do, but caring for mum puts me like many others at risk of 'carer breakdown'

There are so many different stories on this forum, I wish I could help where I can help but I can't unfortnately. What I will say is that breakdown comes in many different ways and often isn't noticed by the person experiencing it. When I was a student on my mental health placement (along time ago) I asked if psychiatric professionals become unwell too, they replied 'you can't work in a paint shop without getting splashed'. Food for thought.

If you have a question please do contact me, will help if I can

xx
Gosh ,you really have gone through a lot and even jeopardized your own future to a point,but you still battle on ,and I salute you.
I agree that SS is sadly lacking when we are desperate for help,in fact I would go as far as to say,we are very much alone and are left to our own devices to cope as best we can.
Friends seem to fall by the wayside and we become rather isolated.
I do wish you well,and that you can continue the sterling work you are doing.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,315
Bedford
Hope the Chinese meal went well and the birthday ended on a good note.
Sorry no advise on tumble driers - never had the space to own one
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,009
South East
Happy Belated Birthday to Mum, sounds like she had a good day :). I have a trip to Chatsworth on my list. I know they have been in the news but I have a Whirlpool tumble drier, it is 21 years old and still going strong .Have family in USA who use tumble driers daily so asked them for recommendations .
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
734
High Peak
Tumble driers? Pah! I've had a Sheila Maid for years and love it... Slightly slower, perhaps, but very cheap (free!) to run!

Bet your mum would love one... ;)
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,009
South East
Have bought one of these to put up as friend had one and it was brilliant , dries really quickly , under garments have to go in tumble drier as one child changes 5 times a day so have 10 pairs a day and would drive me mad hanging all those up ! :(
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
474
I could not live without my tumble dryer! Even though I live alone, I am a great believer in using technology to make my life easier. So I wash my clothes when I need to, usually when I am running out of clean knickers! Sorry if that's too much information! It doesn't matter what the weather is like, I use the outside washing lines if appropriate or pop the dryer on.

If I was washing bedding on a daily basis then I would definitely have a dryer! Why faff around if you can avoid it?

I needed a new one a couple years ago and made sure that the water collector tray ( I gave a condenser type as it is not near an outside wall to fit an outlet pipe) was at the top of the machine - much easier than bending down to floor level to empty it after each use,

I would not be without my dishwasher either - I am such a lazy slob!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,824
North West
It's like a rack thing made up of 4 long wooden pieces with metal brackets at each end. It is attached to the ceiling with ropes/pulleys so you hang your wet washing on it then hoist it up out of the way.

OMG I haven't seen one of those in years, we used to have one. Think I'll stick with a tumble dryer @Jaded'n'faded no disrespect as mum would be hanging paper tissues on it
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,824
North West
I could not live without my tumble dryer! Even though I live alone, I am a great believer in using technology to make my life easier. So I wash my clothes when I need to, usually when I am running out of clean knickers! Sorry if that's too much information! It doesn't matter what the weather is like, I use the outside washing lines if appropriate or pop the dryer on.

If I was washing bedding on a daily basis then I would definitely have a dryer! Why faff around if you can avoid it?

I needed a new one a couple years ago and made sure that the water collector tray ( I gave a condenser type as it is not near an outside wall to fit an outlet pipe) was at the top of the machine - much easier than bending down to floor level to empty it after each use,

I would not be without my dishwasher either - I am such a lazy slob!
I think you can't beat a dry day and a washing line. But the time has come to deal with the increasing workload of washing and drying. Not sure which is better a condenser or vented dryer? Also tempted on the dishwasher but have nowhere to install one in the kitchen
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,656
South coast
My tumble drir packed up just before Christmas and I havent had time to get rid of it and sort out a new one, so Ive been hanging stuff outside to dry and then over the airer, or in the airing cupboard. Its been OK during the summer, but now that autumn has arrived I really do need to get my act together

PS - I have a dishwasher too - it is my main support system :p
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,824
North West
My tumble drir packed up just before Christmas and I havent had time to get rid of it and sort out a new one, so Ive been hanging stuff outside to dry and then over the airer, or in the airing cupboard. Its been OK during the summer, but now that autumn has arrived I really do need to get my act together

PS - I have a dishwasher too - it is my main support system :p
I am jealous really could do with a dishwasher to be honest
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,656
South coast
I have a slimline dishwasher which is placed under the sink. Ive only got a small kitchen, but I was determined to get one in!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,824
North West
Happy Belated Birthday to Mum, sounds like she had a good day :). I have a trip to Chatsworth on my list. I know they have been in the news but I have a Whirlpool tumble drier, it is 21 years old and still going strong .Have family in USA who use tumble driers daily so asked them for recommendations .
Hmmm choosing one is hard so many dfferent things on them now including sensors etc and wifi
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,281
It's like a rack thing made up of 4 long wooden pieces with metal brackets at each end. It is attached to the ceiling with ropes/pulleys so you hang your wet washing on it then hoist it up out of the way.

My mother-in-law had one of these and I didn't know this was the name. I have a condenser sensor dryer which means it can go in any room. A bit more expensive though, but I find the sensor a bit hit and miss. With a large load,eg sheets, there are areas of damp still. You don't have to use the sensor, but It's a bit trial and error.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
1,896
We have a slimline dishwasher and it is good. We used to have a full size one but if you don't fill it up quickly they can start to smell. There are 3 of us in the house, well there used to be but now I am mostly at dad's I suppose there is only 2

Anyway a slimline was adequate for the 3 of us.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
734
High Peak
I had to lose the cupboard under the sink to fit in my (slimline) dishwasher - definitely worth it. (And I live by myself!)

But the Sheila Maid is brilliant. I hang the washing one day and take it down dry the next day. Must have had this one for 30+ years and it has never needed any attention or bits replacing...

Unlike me :D