In 2011 I left London to come home to the North West, after a long career as a senior nurse in intensive care. When I arrived everything was normal as far as I could see with my parents. Dad had been treated for melanoma which had spread, but he'd been treated and had survived past the 5 year mark (just). I had secured a job in New Zealand with a one way ticket, but something held me back -my mum. If I could have taken her with me I would. So with mum in mind I didn't go to New Zealand.
I had always mixed feelings about coming home, it was my roots and natural, but on the other hand dad and I never got on and he was a drinker ( and quite a ******* when he was ****ed on whisky). I had resolved if mum went before dad that I wouldn't take on care responsibilities for him. What happened is that dad died before mum and so here I am writing this. In 2015 dad died from his cancer, within three weeks his of admission to hospital. That chapter closed quite suddenly and I have to say quite emotionally. What was left was mum and me and a whole new world of Altzheimer's, mum and me.
Mum and I are are old friends, we are lucky in that respect. We have stood by each other through thick and thin whatever comes. We have supported each other and even both took our A level art and pottery together a long time ago which I am glad we both did. I didn't really start caring for mum until 2015, she had been diagnosed in 2010. She had a bad fall at the end of 2015 and when examined in hospital they said she was 'quite remarkable' given her diagnosis -I agreed she was amazingly good some five years after diagnosis. But, there was one problem, mum refused to take her donepezil, she had done since they were first prescribed and dad, for love nor money couldn't get her to take them. So I gave her an ultimatum either she takes the tablets and I can help her, or she doesn't I won't be able to help for much longer. Consquently she started to take them.
We have got through nearly four years without needing much help (although I have on occasion nearly torn all my hair out), but over the last six months things have began to escalate. Plus I work full time in the NHS and can't give up my job, I am single and have to think about my future when I am old and grey too (if I get that far the way things are going at the moment). I might be an experienced nurse, but caring professionally is very different to caring for your own, and I can say fairly honestly my emotions span from being ok on happier days to being very dark on bad days. Which brings me to something I have seen glimpses of in these forums, how we cope and how not coping takes over the carer, I saw one phrase 'carer breakdown' in one thread.
In 2005 London was bombed by terrorists, I was called into work to intensive care. I won't describe what I saw or what hospital I was working at, I will say it was horrific. But we carried on as we Brits do, 4 of our patients survived in ICU, one sadly died the night of the bombings. A year later something then happened to me and it seem to come from nowhere. I was sectioned under the MHA for acute depressive episode with an element of psychosis. I was treated for three months and returned to work a very different person to the one I was before. So much had been going on in my life all the stress, worrying about my parents at home, my own unhappiness in London and then the bombings, it all took its toll. Its over ten years now since that all happened.
I have recently involved social services (SS) as I can't cope on my own anymore with my good friend, mum. I have to say I always thought social services would be more caring and forward coming in advancing help when it really is needed. I like many others on this forum have learned that I am in fact naive on these matters and can say truthfully my emotions have ranged from feeling like I have failed mum and extreme anger towards the SS and in fact to the state, that seems to let us down over and over again. I am in tune with my emotions now after my own episode in 2006 and I can recognise the darker side of my personality when it tries to pervail and know what to do, but caring for mum puts me like many others at risk of 'carer breakdown'
There are so many different stories on this forum, I wish I could help where I can help but I can't unfortnately. What I will say is that breakdown comes in many different ways and often isn't noticed by the person experiencing it. When I was a student on my mental health placement (along time ago) I asked if psychiatric professionals become unwell too, they replied 'you can't work in a paint shop without getting splashed'. Food for thought.
If you have a question please do contact me, will help if I can
xx