Ive never had a full sized dishwasher as I couldnt fit one in, so I had a slim-line one even when the children were still at home. It was a bit of a tetris puzzle to fit it all in, but I was pretty determined..........
A lifelong friend and me
- Thread starter Palerider
- Start date
- Status
We moved this summer, downsizing at the same time and there's no room in our small kitchen for a dishwasher. We inherited a Zanussi washer/dryer with the purchase and have been pleasantly chuffed with how good it is. Just how much it costs to run is another matter though, until the bills flood in, I'm not sure. One option that may be worth considering is a 3 tier heated airer which Lakeland.co.uk sell. They are apparently very cheap to run and even the mini-standard one has good capacity. They have a zip up cover which apparently also accelerates the drying process, and they fold up when not in use.
The choice of vented or condenser depends on where you put the dryer. If it goes on an outside wall and you are happy to have a hole cut in it, then you can have a vented one. Or site it near a window that you can open to hang the tube out when using it. I have had both types and have noticed no difference in performance. My current one is a condenser type as it is no where near an outside wall or a window.
I had looked at the heated airer but it means having another free standing object mum will fill with the wrong things or mess with (she is getting that way now).
Thanks everyone for the tips on tumble dryers, I think it will be a condenser type. I'm not too worried about other things it can do so long as it dries clothes lol.
Another week has passed and I am wondering how far we will get here at home. Mum is changing again and the behaviour is becoming more disjointed. She is increasingly doing odd things, this morning she has put a bin bag outside the front that I know is full of clothes and her handbag, which I saw last night in the kitchen when I came home. She has placed it at the end of the drive on the footpath. I will retrieve it shortly. She is quite 'off' and not speaking today which is becoming more and more common place. Last night she heard me come home and asked if everything was ok remembering my name, I said yes mum all is ok, go back to sleep. This morning her mood is different, alien like and very self focussed, as if it takes all of her energy to do what she needs to do or wants to do. Comically as per a conversation about tissues on another thread she had placed two on the radiator as if drying them.
People keep on asking me how mum is, and I have stopped replying to that question, because to me it has become a meaningless question. People mean well, but they forget that things in the Alzheimer's world only go in one direction. She is still mum physically, but mentally she isn't anymore, with new habits and her world as I see it has changed again. I'm not sure if this makes it harder or easier as to cope with as she transgresses to a place further away than before.
I have finally heard about my doctorate from one university, and so need to focus on that for a short while to write the proposal, this I hope will be a useful distraction for me, rather than sitting and endlessly reflecting on how things are and how they used to be. Its hard to let go of something that we have no control over, and sometimes driving home I feel a great sense of hopelessness.
Another week has passed and I am wondering how far we will get here at home. Mum is changing again and the behaviour is becoming more disjointed. She is increasingly doing odd things, this morning she has put a bin bag outside the front that I know is full of clothes and her handbag, which I saw last night in the kitchen when I came home. She has placed it at the end of the drive on the footpath. I will retrieve it shortly. She is quite 'off' and not speaking today which is becoming more and more common place. Last night she heard me come home and asked if everything was ok remembering my name, I said yes mum all is ok, go back to sleep. This morning her mood is different, alien like and very self focussed, as if it takes all of her energy to do what she needs to do or wants to do. Comically as per a conversation about tissues on another thread she had placed two on the radiator as if drying them.
People keep on asking me how mum is, and I have stopped replying to that question, because to me it has become a meaningless question. People mean well, but they forget that things in the Alzheimer's world only go in one direction. She is still mum physically, but mentally she isn't anymore, with new habits and her world as I see it has changed again. I'm not sure if this makes it harder or easier as to cope with as she transgresses to a place further away than before.
I have finally heard about my doctorate from one university, and so need to focus on that for a short while to write the proposal, this I hope will be a useful distraction for me, rather than sitting and endlessly reflecting on how things are and how they used to be. Its hard to let go of something that we have no control over, and sometimes driving home I feel a great sense of hopelessness.
Hope the doctoral proposal is a useful distraction - does it have a deadline to keep you focused?
I think I find it harder with each change; but in a way the last few months have also meant I have seen Mum as a person rather than just my Mum
I think I find it harder with each change; but in a way the last few months have also meant I have seen Mum as a person rather than just my Mum
Today we did a quick shop and one of the girls J who has gotten to know us was asking how mum is. I stopped and had quick catch up (while mum popped to the loo), she had recently gone through the same thing with her father. We were talking about the difficulty with carers and mum and how she had exactly the same problems until she made the decision it was time for CH. Not too long after that her father died and J then had a heart attack. I was commenting on how well she was doing now she was back on her feet. I'm not in the same position as I have explained before, but she said I will have to rock the boat at some point in the future as things become increasingly more difficult. The line is drawn in the sand, but we havent' yet reached it, although we are coming closer to it.
My first week of having my work clothes laundered has been a success, they arrived neatly hung and wrapped looking very smart, total cost £23. I think its worth it at as I get so distracted keeping mum occupied I end up sorting these things out late at night, and I have reached the point of being completely fed-up with it and also deflated -how can a little old lady run me ragged??
Last weekend I decided that I will not be cooking Sunday roast anymore as mum now has an amazing habit of interfering with everything and to be honest it tests me to my limit. I can tolerate most stuff, but interfering with my cooking is a dangerous path to take, even friends daren't walk there. I said that I would book a pub lunch in future, but I failed hoplessly as mum pleaded to have a home dinner ....I am a big softy, and I know I may regret this. We shall see
My first week of having my work clothes laundered has been a success, they arrived neatly hung and wrapped looking very smart, total cost £23. I think its worth it at as I get so distracted keeping mum occupied I end up sorting these things out late at night, and I have reached the point of being completely fed-up with it and also deflated -how can a little old lady run me ragged??
Last weekend I decided that I will not be cooking Sunday roast anymore as mum now has an amazing habit of interfering with everything and to be honest it tests me to my limit. I can tolerate most stuff, but interfering with my cooking is a dangerous path to take, even friends daren't walk there. I said that I would book a pub lunch in future, but I failed hoplessly as mum pleaded to have a home dinner ....I am a big softy, and I know I may regret this. We shall see
Well the cooking of roast beef dinner went well for once. I was playing VOCES8 on youtube and then this came up. Mum is at a point where she doesn't remember very many songs now unless they come from when she was very young, this one some of the older forum members may know, mum certainly remembered it
Something has been bugging me and it has nothing to do with mum or Alzheimer's. And it probably shouldn't be here on this forum at all. In 1994 till 1997 I dated a young doctor in Liverpool, very clever guy 6 A levels, a medical degree and another degree he did at the same time. We split because I just couldn't deal with is intellectual side, it was too much plus he just couldn't make a committment to anything.
I moved to London and got on with my life and one day I bumped into him unexpectedly and we became friends on FB. After over twenty years he has recently messaged me saying he is finding it difficult to move in with his current BF. I was stunned, why on earth message me now and tell me this? Its ok I calmed a little and just told him if he has found someone who can love him and accept him for who he is then take it and move in, far better that than to end up like me alone and looking after a mum with Alzheimer's. I am sure moving on often means we need approval in some way, even if that approval comes from distant people and times in our lives. Did I do the right thing? Yes, even though it evoked forgotten memories and feelings, allowing someone to let go and move on is a good thing, though it did surprise me after all of this time, and it keeps on ringing round my head currently, perhaps I am jealous that he can do something I can't???
I moved to London and got on with my life and one day I bumped into him unexpectedly and we became friends on FB. After over twenty years he has recently messaged me saying he is finding it difficult to move in with his current BF. I was stunned, why on earth message me now and tell me this? Its ok I calmed a little and just told him if he has found someone who can love him and accept him for who he is then take it and move in, far better that than to end up like me alone and looking after a mum with Alzheimer's. I am sure moving on often means we need approval in some way, even if that approval comes from distant people and times in our lives. Did I do the right thing? Yes, even though it evoked forgotten memories and feelings, allowing someone to let go and move on is a good thing, though it did surprise me after all of this time, and it keeps on ringing round my head currently, perhaps I am jealous that he can do something I can't???
Even though you split up, you must have left a lasting impression for him to get in touch like this. Maybe his current situation reminds him of his time with you and that he lost you then because he was unable to commit.
But some people are just like that. They can't commit for fear of missing out on something better. In fact, they spend their lives missing out on happiness they could have had.
But some people are just like that. They can't commit for fear of missing out on something better. In fact, they spend their lives missing out on happiness they could have had.
You may be right @Jaded'n'faded but after all of this time I will never really know what invoked such a response of late. I have done what I should do and given grace to an old friend who wasn't sure what to do. As much as it turfed up old wounds I am glad I wasn't the only one that had my doubts all of this time. Time to close the chapter finally
I understand why it was unsettling, however, what you said was very generous. Odd as it sounds I've heard of this before.
As far as ending up like you are alone and looking after your mum, I hope you are happy with your choice and this isn't what unsettled you. One of the things I've regularly said is everything should be done in the best interests of everyone, not just the PWD. I realise that your mum has stipulated certain terms re care home to solicitor etc, but if you aren't coping with looking after her, you do have the option to take a step back, which would likely force the issue. I had to wait for a crisis with my mum to force the issue, which was very uncontrolled and with hindsight she was very much at risk (which I wasn't aware of) Whatever you do in work doesn't mean you can cope with similar things at home. I know this wasn't the subject of your post per se, but the phrasing you used just caught my eye.
As far as ending up like you are alone and looking after your mum, I hope you are happy with your choice and this isn't what unsettled you. One of the things I've regularly said is everything should be done in the best interests of everyone, not just the PWD. I realise that your mum has stipulated certain terms re care home to solicitor etc, but if you aren't coping with looking after her, you do have the option to take a step back, which would likely force the issue. I had to wait for a crisis with my mum to force the issue, which was very uncontrolled and with hindsight she was very much at risk (which I wasn't aware of) Whatever you do in work doesn't mean you can cope with similar things at home. I know this wasn't the subject of your post per se, but the phrasing you used just caught my eye.
I think anything else on this forum would be easier to answer than this @jugglingmum. For me the issues are very seperate and alot had happened inbetween me and the above relationship. I had a long steady relationship with a guy who I set up a mortgage with and thought that this was going to be my life in London, until I found large debts and a shrinking balance. One day I woke up and he had fled to Europe -Portugal. I was not best amused to find I had a £1000 mortgage to pay on my own and £30000 worth of debts my supposed other partner had left behind. Within three years I lost my lovey eastend apartment and payed back every penny owed although it wasn't my debt over the remaining years. I live on my own and choose to be alone, because after that mess I have only myself to blame if things go wrong from here on.
That was a mean trick @Palerider . Im not surprised you want to stay on your own. Never say never though
- Status
