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A lifelong friend and me

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,848
North West
@DesperateofDevon I use that same approach of withholding information especially with certain family members. One of which believes she is very important and has previously used information to try and belittle me. I don't know why she is like this but she always has been.

I tell her nothing.
I've learned the same lesson with some colleagues, best to keep quite, let the get on with it
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,848
North West
Work places are full of ego & bluff & bluster! To show humanity for some is to be found showing weakness.

My husband talks of the identical situation at his work, the trampling of others to remain in pole position. Alpha male / female role.

It reminds me of the comedy/ parody
“The Office”
I couldn’t watch it as it was so close to actual work environments. I cringed.

You are feeling vulnerable at the moment, & work isn’t the escape or balm of normality that it should be.

I try & not give others the opportunity to make me feel belittled. I find that by controlling what information I share about my personal life helps. People are nosey, natural curiosity let them ask you & be blasé about it. By taking back control of giving out personal information will limit others abilities to use that information against you.

Then come onto TP & vent vent vent!

Anger can be used to positive outcomes!
Believe me I have very clean floors!!!!
I think you are bang on here @DesperateofDevon , this is my experience, lessons learned ..
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,848
North West
On a lighter note mum has just announced that she will cook the evening meal, this is a moment of clarity that comes and goes. She said she is perfectly capable of cooking without any help. So far she has got so distracted tidying the kitchen she has forgot. With some prompting she has now realised the steak pie needs to come out of the box and the broad beans need salting and boiling.......

I daren't take over as it is a matter of pride for mums sake......will probably eat about 8pm at this rate
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,848
North West
While I wait for tea, I forgot to say I have finally found a laundry business that will collect and deliver my work shirts and trousers. A full wash is £8:45 and shirt ironing £1:37, trousers £1:05 which isn't too bad me thinks. So I have decided to go ahead. Not sure if the delivery/drop-off will work out when I am not there as mum can refuse to open the door if she's unsure. But I can always collect.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
While I wait for tea, I forgot to say I have finally found a laundry business that will collect and deliver my work shirts and trousers. A full wash is £8:45 and shirt ironing £1:37, trousers £1:05 which isn't too bad me thinks. So I have decided to go ahead. Not sure if the delivery/drop-off will work out when I am not there as mum can refuse to open the door if she's unsure. But I can always collect.
My OH is flabbergasted at how much things cost! Personally if it makes life easier then go for it! Time is precious as is retaining your sanity. I think that’s good value- I can iron in more creases than is believable!!!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,848
North West
We finally had our meal at 19:30 and to be fair mum had done a good job in the end. She even ate everything on her plate, which by recent times is a small miracle -not sure if the HP sauce helped with the chips?

I have to wait until mum has gone to bed and the house is quite before I can think deeply. The days when I could do this when mum was awake have gone sadly, now I am met with constant fluster, twittering and attention as I become the last person in mums world that she can hang onto. I recently attended a conference where a consultant geriatrician presented and she was saying how PWD no longer remember things other than how they feel about something or someone. I agree with that.

Of late have been work issues and a low self worth, that I never saw coming and I have recieved some very gratifying posts so thank you @Bikerbeth @Duggies-girl @DesperateofDevon @2jays @Starbright @Grannie G and @Canbrit @Woohoo and last but not least @Moggymad and also some moving personal messages @Jaded'n'faded.

There are always new ways of thinking or ways of capturing what we used to do but have forgot. This journey is full of distractions from the self, and we constantly learn what they are. This week in this space after quite contemplation, I think I can say the most influence in the now has been Desiderata which has halted me in my tracks and made me reflect about who it is I am and not focus on others. There is alot in this poem to take on board, but the two things that immediately struck me were

GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

and

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.​
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
We finally had our meal at 19:30 and to be fair mum had done a good job in the end. She even ate everything on her plate, which by recent times is a small miracle -not sure if the HP sauce helped with the chips?

I have to wait until mum has gone to bed and the house is quite before I can think deeply. The days when I could do this when mum was awake have gone sadly, now I am met with constant fluster, twittering and attention as I become the last person in mums world that she can hang onto. I recently attended a conference where a consultant geriatrician presented and she was saying how PWD no longer remember things other than how they feel about something or someone. I agree with that.

Of late have been work issues and a low self worth, that I never saw coming and I have recieved some very gratifying posts so thank you @Bikerbeth @Duggies-girl @DesperateofDevon @2jays @Starbright @Grannie G and @Canbrit @Woohoo and last but not least @Moggymad and also some moving personal messages @Jaded'n'faded.

There are always new ways of thinking or ways of capturing what we used to do but have forgot. This journey is full of distractions from the self, and we constantly learn what they are. This week in this space after quite contemplation, I think I can say the most influence in the now has been Desiderata which has halted me in my tracks and made me reflect about who it is I am and not focus on others. There is alot in this poem to take on board, but the two things that immediately struck me were

GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

and

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.​
My late (biological) mums favourite poem. She used it as a code for living by.
I am trying to achieve this.... not always easy but I keep trying & slowly I will get to this point.

Beautiful words that have made me feel lighter
Thank you

I hope to that @Palerider you find “peace in your soul”
(((((Hugs)))))
 

Moggymad

Registered User
May 12, 2017
500
Hi @Palerider so glad the words have touched you. I particularily liked ' you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars, you have a right to be here.......' The whole poem never fails to send a tingle down my spine. 'Strive to be happy' X
 

Tea and. toast

Registered User
May 8, 2019
58
Hello Palerider I was sorry to hear how you were feeling the other day. I was going to post but couldn't find the right words.I have followed your posts for a while and they have given me strength. Your situation has resonated with me. It is hard when you lose your sense of self through the actions of others at work and it is a horrible place to be.. I am glad the poem has been of comfort to you I will have to download it. I found that writing things down and talking to those I trust helped me. Also trying to hold on to things will be different in the future.

You have boat loads of good qualities that shine through in your posts. I can't remember if you were still going for a new job but good luck. I am glad your mum tried to cook the dinner even though you had to wait a little.

Sending a hug and best wishes
 

Tea and. toast

Registered User
May 8, 2019
58
Hello DesperateofDevon no unfortunately the photo isn't of my garden. Though I do have meadow flower seeds to sow but haven't had time over the summer as things have happened to Dad and I've tried to keep up with just cutting hedges the grass along with everything else.

The photo was taken about a 10 minute walk from home. Where I live the Council has sown wild flowers in some of the green spaces to save money on cutting grass. The meadow flowers are lovely like you say. I love them especially the poppies and cornflowers. They mean summer to me along with other flowers long days, strawberries and watching Glasto on TV. A photo of a Bramble flower for you from the back garden. I was just thinking when things aren't great and I need a challenge, I try and do something. So I am doing something positive next week -The local Super Memory Walk. I used to do a lot of walking but my caring role has got in the way since last November. I did get to the Dales with my old club in August which was great.
DSC_1939.JPG
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
Hello DesperateofDevon no unfortunately the photo isn't of my garden. Though I do have meadow flower seeds to sow but haven't had time over the summer as things have happened to Dad and I've tried to keep up with just cutting hedges the grass along with everything else.

The photo was taken about a 10 minute walk from home. Where I live the Council has sown wild flowers in some of the green spaces to save money on cutting grass. The meadow flowers are lovely like you say. I love them especially the poppies and cornflowers. They mean summer to me along with other flowers long days, strawberries and watching Glasto on TV. A photo of a Bramble flower for you from the back garden. I was just thinking when things aren't great and I need a challenge, I try and do something. So I am doing something positive next week -The local Super Memory Walk. I used to do a lot of walking but my caring role has got in the way since last November. I did get to the Dales with my old club in August which was great. View attachment 61581
Oh how lovely, the walk & bramble flower. I’m fond of dandelions, clocks et al!
Have done silk paintings of the stages a few years ago before life got this manic!
Will return to other forms of art one day which require dedicated time otherwise it’s a bit of this & a bit of that to keep me ticking over!
 

Tea and. toast

Registered User
May 8, 2019
58
Your silk painting of Dandelions sound very intricate and interesting Desperateof Devon. I hope you find some more time for your art work soon. I have some water colours and wish that I could paint and draw but maybe one day I will be able to learn how to use the paints. I've done a little ceramics last year and 2 glass fusion mini courses through work. Years ago I did cake decorating and hanging basket so that was my art I suppose. I like taking photos for pleasure.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,848
North West
Your silk painting of Dandelions sound very intricate and interesting Desperateof Devon. I hope you find some more time for your art work soon. I have some water colours and wish that I could paint and draw but maybe one day I will be able to learn how to use the paints. I've done a little ceramics last year and 2 glass fusion mini courses through work. Years ago I did cake decorating and hanging basket so that was my art I suppose. I like taking photos for pleasure.
A topic close to my heart. In the mid 1990's mum and I did our A level art and pottery together at night school ( I went with her to give her some support, but left once she found her feet) and it was one of the best things mum had done as she had always wanted to go on from school but alas in those days working class people stayed home and earned a living especially if you were a woman. It is never to late to go on and develop your artistic ability, mum got a B grade in the end and produced some interesting miniatures based on leaves as well as landscapes.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,848
North West
Just to say thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and messages of help and support. The last week has been difficult truly, and questioning my own self worth has seen me through a rough patch this week. Its a horrible place to be and breaking the cycle is hard. I'm not a 100% and probably never will be after all of this is done, but for now at least I can pick up where I left off and soldier on as best I can. Indeed to coin one of mums old expressions 'there is none so queer as folk' -we depend on each other for many reasons, and when that trust, connection and good faith is broken it can be the most demeaning experience. Its not the first time and I am sure it won't be the last but without you guys on TP it would have been alot harder to recover.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
778
High Peak
Just to say thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and messages of help and support. The last week has been difficult truly, and questioning my own self worth has seen me through a rough patch this week. Its a horrible place to be and breaking the cycle is hard. I'm not a 100% and probably never will be after all of this is done, but for now at least I can pick up where I left off and soldier on as best I can. Indeed to coin one of mums old expressions 'there is none so queer as folk' -we depend on each other for many reasons, and when that trust, connection and good faith is broken it can be the most demeaning experience. Its not the first time and I am sure it won't be the last but without you guys on TP it would have been alot harder to recover.
Delighted to hear this. And you are a stronger person for it. Long may your recovery continue! :)