A life in the day of.........................
- Thread starter Grannie G
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Hi Helen/Nellbelles.
The computer course is going strong. I spent all weekend in a total muddle trying to unlearn self taught bad practice and got nowhere.
I went to the learning office and got individual help, support and guidance so feel really good about it. It`ll take me ages as I can`t remember all the instructions but it`s good.
I`m waiting to hear from U3A about a Discussion Group. I think I`ll have to phone again.
On the second Thursday in the month I`ll give the WI a try.
I still haven`t been in contact with the Art Appreciation Group as there are only 24 hours in the day and I do need to see Dhiren a few times a week. Also I haven`t been to Yoga for months, since I became too emotional. I hope to try to get back on Thursday.
AS long as I can keep myself busy, it will help with the loneliness and get me out of the house.
Dear Sylvia - The reason, of course, for it having been an excellent visit is that you have learned so well how to deal with all of Dhiren's questions - something I seem to be making no headway with at all. I am so pleased it all went so well for you both.
I am quite awestruck by the number of activities you have in the pipeline. May you enjoy each and every one.
Love, Nan XXX
I am quite awestruck by the number of activities you have in the pipeline. May you enjoy each and every one.
Love, Nan XXX
I haven't posted Sylvia, but following yours and Dhiren's progress and so happy for you both that it's working out so well. Love Pauline xxx
The same as Pauline. I've been following your posts but not posting myself. I find your diary extremely helpful and hopeful on at least two levels. On a practical level, I'm learning to deal with Philip's questions and concerns (and that there is no point in going into detail, because by the time I give him an answer, he's forgotten the question) and on the emotional level, I'm learning to become more accepting of the situation. The thing I'm struggling with most now is that, if I was a full-time carer, I'd be able to join his world and his pace. As I work full-time in the "real" world, I'm finding it difficult to accomodate the two. Once the time comes for Philip to go into a care home, I will also have learnt a lot about how to combat the loneliness and fill my me-time (of which I have none at the moment - except: see my happy thread)
Best wishes and thank you
Kathy
Best wishes and thank you
Kathy
I have such admiration for those who manage to combine a career with full time caring. The comparisons are so diverse.
I was grateful we were both retired and I had no other responsibilities other than concentrating on Dhiren`s needs.
I was also very fortunate in getting agency carers who did all my housework. The only domestic chores I did were washing, cooking and [on line] shopping.
I was grateful we were both retired and I had no other responsibilities other than concentrating on Dhiren`s needs.
I was also very fortunate in getting agency carers who did all my housework. The only domestic chores I did were washing, cooking and [on line] shopping.
Yes, I think I really need to adopt the idea of online shopping. I'm such an animal of habit, just feel I have to go shopping twice a week. Why? Just more pressure on my timetable.
I'm also beginning to realise that some of the other habits (some of them quite weird) which have been so entrenched in our household because of Philip's need for hisroutine are now obsolete and I can actually choose to do things my way. He doesn't remember the routine. I've been acting like a robot for the last 4 months. It's time to take control.
Sylvia - you're a priceless source of inspiration
I'm also beginning to realise that some of the other habits (some of them quite weird) which have been so entrenched in our household because of Philip's need for hisroutine are now obsolete and I can actually choose to do things my way. He doesn't remember the routine. I've been acting like a robot for the last 4 months. It's time to take control.
Sylvia - you're a priceless source of inspiration
The manager wanted to see me today. Dhiren fell out of bed.
He is to be assessed for the best way to protect him and I have to give consent.
I will not be happy with cot sides as long as Dhiren still thinks he can stand and walk. If he continues to try to get out of bed, cot sides will be inappropriate.
If he knows he cannot walk , it will be acceptable for cot sides to be used to stop him rolling out of bed.
A wedge has been suggested, which I find much more acceptable as I was using a makeshift wedge at home. Unfortunately it wasn`t very effective and didn`t deter Dhiren in the slightest.
So I will wait and see what is suggested.
Update on Brain Donation.
I had a follow up telephone interview today.
Last year Dhiren was able to take an active part in our decisions to donate our brains and spinal cords for research. This year I consider it would be too negative an experience for him to have to undergo any form of interview, memory test or questioning. He would be unable to follow instructions to read, draw, compare or remember a list of words, all tasks he could do last year. And he wouldn`t be able to stand up, walk round the room and back and then sit down.
On the plus side, he is no longer aggressive , antisocial or discontented. He is much happier than he has been for a long time and interacts with strangers with pleasure.
And he is always nice to me.
Such a massive change in a year.
He is to be assessed for the best way to protect him and I have to give consent.
I will not be happy with cot sides as long as Dhiren still thinks he can stand and walk. If he continues to try to get out of bed, cot sides will be inappropriate.
If he knows he cannot walk , it will be acceptable for cot sides to be used to stop him rolling out of bed.
A wedge has been suggested, which I find much more acceptable as I was using a makeshift wedge at home. Unfortunately it wasn`t very effective and didn`t deter Dhiren in the slightest.
So I will wait and see what is suggested.
Update on Brain Donation.
I had a follow up telephone interview today.
Last year Dhiren was able to take an active part in our decisions to donate our brains and spinal cords for research. This year I consider it would be too negative an experience for him to have to undergo any form of interview, memory test or questioning. He would be unable to follow instructions to read, draw, compare or remember a list of words, all tasks he could do last year. And he wouldn`t be able to stand up, walk round the room and back and then sit down.
On the plus side, he is no longer aggressive , antisocial or discontented. He is much happier than he has been for a long time and interacts with strangers with pleasure.
And he is always nice to me.
Such a massive change in a year.
It is hard when things crop up to make you remember how just a short time ago things were so different. I'm glad you can see that there is a plus side as well as negatives in Dhiran's present abilities. It doesn't do to think only of the negatives or we would drive ourselves mad!
I too think that although there has been a marked deterioration for Ken (to such an extent that a night care worker who had been on holiday for three weeks came back and cried when she saw Ken recently), I am grateful that Ken seems to be more settled. It is so good to see him sitting peacefully sometimes.
xxTinaT
I too think that although there has been a marked deterioration for Ken (to such an extent that a night care worker who had been on holiday for three weeks came back and cried when she saw Ken recently), I am grateful that Ken seems to be more settled. It is so good to see him sitting peacefully sometimes.
xxTinaT
Hello Sylvia,
I love your positiveness it is just brilliant.
When my mother was at the stage I understand Dhiren to be at the moment, I did use cot sides for her at home and only once did she as far as I am aware try to climb out of bed. In fact she managed to get out in the mall gap at the bottom, make it over to the sideboard nearby and back to sit on the bed, where I found her starkers the next morning. She normally did not have the strength to do much at all. It is a difficult stage, but with my mother it was very short lived before she could not walk at all, which in a way was a blessing and so much safer for both of us.
My husband even though he sometimes thinks he can get up and go by himself, never tries, but he just scoop around the bed on his bottom and ends up sideways if I do not secure him with 4 pillows
one under each leg and one under each arm. That does the trick and then the cotsides, with bedclothes tucked in. He does not mind, but appears to feel secure like that. He looks at snug as a bug in a rug, and all the carers say they wish someone would tuck them up in bed like that!!!!!!!!!!!
Let us know how Dhiren gets on.
You are so right to choose not to let Dhiren go through any questioning or other tasks, he just wants positive things in his life like your wonderful visits. Lovely to hear how he now interacts and is so peaceful. Best of all the fact that he is now always nice to YOU.
Take care
Love x
I love your positiveness it is just brilliant.
When my mother was at the stage I understand Dhiren to be at the moment, I did use cot sides for her at home and only once did she as far as I am aware try to climb out of bed. In fact she managed to get out in the mall gap at the bottom, make it over to the sideboard nearby and back to sit on the bed, where I found her starkers the next morning. She normally did not have the strength to do much at all. It is a difficult stage, but with my mother it was very short lived before she could not walk at all, which in a way was a blessing and so much safer for both of us.
My husband even though he sometimes thinks he can get up and go by himself, never tries, but he just scoop around the bed on his bottom and ends up sideways if I do not secure him with 4 pillows
one under each leg and one under each arm. That does the trick and then the cotsides, with bedclothes tucked in. He does not mind, but appears to feel secure like that. He looks at snug as a bug in a rug, and all the carers say they wish someone would tuck them up in bed like that!!!!!!!!!!!
Let us know how Dhiren gets on.
You are so right to choose not to let Dhiren go through any questioning or other tasks, he just wants positive things in his life like your wonderful visits. Lovely to hear how he now interacts and is so peaceful. Best of all the fact that he is now always nice to YOU.
Take care
Love x
Thanks Winnie and Tina.
When I think of the torment we`ve both been through during the last ten years, even though we`ve had some good times, this stage is more peaceful and constant than it`s ever been . And it`s helped so much by the shared responsibility from the home.
It upsets me to see the change in Dhiren and I`m still very vulnerable. I cry at the drop of a hat.
This morning I couldn`t remember the sequence for my computer course and when I realized what a silly mistake I had made, my eyes filled. When I got to the home and the manager asked how I was , the tears fell, and they are falling now as I type.
I comfort myself by telling myself they are a safety valve.
So although I am very positive Winnie, there is a deep sadness which is just under the surface waiting to catch me out.
When I think of the torment we`ve both been through during the last ten years, even though we`ve had some good times, this stage is more peaceful and constant than it`s ever been . And it`s helped so much by the shared responsibility from the home.
It upsets me to see the change in Dhiren and I`m still very vulnerable. I cry at the drop of a hat.
This morning I couldn`t remember the sequence for my computer course and when I realized what a silly mistake I had made, my eyes filled. When I got to the home and the manager asked how I was , the tears fell, and they are falling now as I type.
I comfort myself by telling myself they are a safety valve.
So although I am very positive Winnie, there is a deep sadness which is just under the surface waiting to catch me out.
Hello again Sylvia
I can easily sit here and cry when I read some of your post, I can cry when I see the soaps of all things, when I read a book and even when I see a mother and a child or I stop to speak with an elderly person. The tears are never far away. I don't come across like that at all face to face and probably not on TP either or anywhere else for that matter, but we are after all very vulberable as carers due to the changes we deal with every day.
I think you are doing extremely well, you keep crying, it is good for you and personally I always feel better after a good cry. Makes me even more positive to carry on fighting for everything.
Off to bed now.
Take care Sylvia
Love xx
That is so understable and to be honest I think that applies to a lot of us carers even the ones of us who have not had enormous changes in our situation recently.
I can easily sit here and cry when I read some of your post, I can cry when I see the soaps of all things, when I read a book and even when I see a mother and a child or I stop to speak with an elderly person. The tears are never far away. I don't come across like that at all face to face and probably not on TP either or anywhere else for that matter, but we are after all very vulberable as carers due to the changes we deal with every day.
I think you are doing extremely well, you keep crying, it is good for you and personally I always feel better after a good cry. Makes me even more positive to carry on fighting for everything.
Off to bed now.
Take care Sylvia
Love xx
No Winnie, you don`t come over on TP as vulnerable but it doesn`t surprise me for a minute that you are. The care you give to your husband is not given by a heart of stone.
In fact I`d hedge a bet almost every carer on TP sheds tears for the ones they care for, for vulnerable others and yes, even during soaps.
Good night Winnie. xx
In fact I`d hedge a bet almost every carer on TP sheds tears for the ones they care for, for vulnerable others and yes, even during soaps.
Good night Winnie. xx
Count me in on that, Sylvia.
This past week I think I've single handedly counteracted the effects of global warming on sea levels!
Me to Sylvia, yesterday in the supermarket i saw many elderly couples doing their weekly shop, Discussing what to have for supper and laughing together, it suddenly hit me like a stone, lump in throat, tears not far away, i told assistant it was hay fever, because if i had explained the torrents would have opened, think we are all strong when we have to be, its the little things that just trigger these emotions, So proud of you doing the comp course, i colid certainley do with it, but i would be too embarrased as a 1 finger typer, hope Dirhen is settled today love Pam
I've just persuaded my mother not to catch two buses to go to a computer course the LA have put on. I took her regularly two years ago to another computer course and she still doesn't grasp the basics. God bless her indomitable spirit!
Thanks to a previous post of yours I noticed you were attending University of third age courses. I googled to see if there were any in my area and found a thriving local one with some courses I would be very interested in. I think I'm now ready to go out and just enjoy developing some of my interests. I've even started to read books again. 'm so glad you mentioned this in your posts.
xxTinaT
Thanks to a previous post of yours I noticed you were attending University of third age courses. I googled to see if there were any in my area and found a thriving local one with some courses I would be very interested in. I think I'm now ready to go out and just enjoy developing some of my interests. I've even started to read books again. 'm so glad you mentioned this in your posts.
xxTinaT
Dear Sylvia,
Mum had to sleep on a mattress on the floor for the first 9 months in her NH as she was so at risk of falls. All credit to them as it wasn't easy nursing her from the floor. Last April they reassessed her as she had calmed down a bit. What she has now is -the bed as low as possible and a crash mattress next to the bed. She's not as mobile now but has , on occasion, ended up on this mattress and suffered no ill effects.
I do believe that there is a bed that can be lowered right to the floor thus assisting carers when they need to raise it. This avoids the need for rails etc which mum's home wouldn't try due to the risk of trying to get out over the side.
Love Tarika
Mum had to sleep on a mattress on the floor for the first 9 months in her NH as she was so at risk of falls. All credit to them as it wasn't easy nursing her from the floor. Last April they reassessed her as she had calmed down a bit. What she has now is -the bed as low as possible and a crash mattress next to the bed. She's not as mobile now but has , on occasion, ended up on this mattress and suffered no ill effects.
I do believe that there is a bed that can be lowered right to the floor thus assisting carers when they need to raise it. This avoids the need for rails etc which mum's home wouldn't try due to the risk of trying to get out over the side.
Love Tarika
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