A life in the day of.........................

[Grannie G]

Hi Jan,

I enjoyed it as a means to an end.

I also enjoyed listening to the reminiscencing, as people who had looked at me with blank faces, showed personalities which, to my shame, I hadn`t given them credit for.

The other carers, except one, went off for a chat among themselves, but I`m just pleased Dhiren will come with me, I don`t want to spoil it by going off as soon as we get there. I`m quite happy to support him as I know how difficult he finds it.
It was different at the hospital. This group meets in a cafe.

His long term memory is affected now. He asked me today why everyone is wearing red flowers.

 

[BeckyJan]

We also went to an Alz Cafe today - ended up just a few of us having a chat - David did not join in but said afterwards 'you are good'!!!!!!!!!!!!

He also has long term memory loss - forgotten much of his very successful career and achievements. Frequently asks me if his Mum and Dad are alive now. Has just completed 'an organisation chart' which in fact is a short family history chart - I think its his attempt at gathering his thoughts about family - daughters and 'grandchildren'. It was sad to realise that he did not know our eldest has children and put the third name of only grandson as a third grandchild - i.e Robert is the third christian name but he thought that was a third child!!

It is so so sad to see all this happening.

Chin up and all that . Love Jan

 

[Grannie G]

We also went to an Alz Cafe today - ended up just a few of us having a chat -David did not join in but said afterwards 'you are good'!!!!!!!!!!!!. Love Jan

This is what Dhiren thinks, but I worry that it makes him feel more isolated than ever.

I bought a new mobile phone yesterday. I was absorbed with it, reading the manual and experimenting. I looked up and he was watching me. I apologized and said I was sorry I was giving all my attention to the phone and none to him and he said I should make the most of it, and he would, if he could understand what to do.

I wonder if it will be a blessing when he doesn`t realize his limitations.

 

[BeckyJan]

it will be a blessing when he doesn`t realize his limitations.

I feel that too BUT that means we are another stage down the line - and do we really want that!!!

This may make you laugh: D's hearing aid is in for repair yet again. It has been through the washing machine for about the 6th time. Sometimes it responds to going into tumble dryer, but I am trying not to use that so tried a hair dryer!! - it did not work). I am so grateful to the clinic which deal with it as they have been so understanding - lovely to come across such kind folk.

Take care Jan

 

[alfjess]

Oh dear Alfjess, it gets worse, doesn`t it.

Yes Sylvia

It does get worse, but I hope you have many more years with Dhiren at home with you, difficult though it may be, because I think this is what you want.

My parent's care home have said that they can no longer meet Mum and Dad's needs, so now I am waiting for the Psychiatrist and the CPN's decision, to see where we go from here.

Alfjess

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Jan,
No we don`t want them to be a stage further down the line but we do want some peace of mind for them.


Dear Alfjess,
Yes you are right. I`m not ready to give up on Dhiren yet. He has a long way to go and so far his decline is slow. I just wish he could be less anxious.

I feel really sorry you might have such an upheaval with your parents. Most people feel when they find a home, it will be for the rest of their days.

Love to both of you. We share our trials.

 

[Grannie G]

Life has been relatively calm over the past few days. The sundowning is still there, the `going home`, the wanting to save money to `go home` and the very sad fact that he still has little sense of belonging here, in his own home.

But I think he is finally beginning to realize that I am on his side, he doesn`t have to fight me, he doesn`t need to get away from me. When he talks about going home now, it`s for a visit, and he fully intends to come back to me.

It`s a while since he packed his bags. I think I can safely say that has stopped. He no longer goes to the bank. He no longer goes to the railway station.

When he gets in a strop and I go to another room, he comes to find me when he feels better, and apologizes.

He tires easily when we go out in the cold, so he`s glad to stay in. In some respects I`m hoping the winter months will cause him to settle.

I do hope I`m not tempting fate.

 

[connie]

Whatever is going to happen in the future will happen anyway.

[QUOTEI do hope I`m not tempting fate.][/QUOTE]

Do hope that your feeling is right. At least enjoy the relative calm for the moment.

Much love to you both - and thanks for the update. We all care you know.

 

[Cliff]

Dear Sylvia,

It is so hard to care so much for someone and yet have to be so resolute.

Love to you both,

 

[janjan]

Hi to you both , just to say hubby an me had to make a mad dash up to Manchester uni this week .
I 'v never been there before ,son has his digs a stones throw from train station. My thoughts was with you both when i realised how big a town to get lost in. Best wishes to you both, glad things have settled with Dhiren.
Dads slight stroke hasn't got worse, but now back to yes and no answers. Janet

 

[Grannie G]

How naive am I?

My `pat on the back` lasted 2 days.

This morning Dhiren went for a walk. Whilst he was out I had a phone call from the railway station asking if they should sell him a ticket to Manchester. The staionmaster told him they had had instructions from me, not to sell him a ticket and he said I`d changed my mind and wouldn`t mind.

Thank goodness, by the time he returned home, he`d forgotten all about it........or had he?

Edited later........

D `How is our pension paid?`
S `It`s paid into the bank.`
D `Is it paid in Sterling?`
S `Of course it`s paid in Sterling.`
D `And in Manchester?`
S `It`s paid in Sterling in Manchester too.`
D `No. It`s paid in Rupees in Manchester.`
S `It`s paid in Rupees in India.`
D `Manchester is in India.`
S `Manchester is in England, the UK.`
D `You don`t know what you`re talking about.`
S `Of course I do,`
D [exasperated] `You leave it to me, I`ll sort it out.`

Thank you Jan for your good wishes, but there`s no such thing as `settling`, with AD.

 

[Cliff]

How on earth did you manage to charm the Station Master to call you if something like this happened ?

Station staff seem to be so disenchanted with the changes etc that you're lucky to get a friendly one.

So you've obviously got something Sylvia that charms them - would like to know what - or shouldn't we ask

Love to you both,

 

[Canadian Joanne]

It's interesting how he has moved Manchester to India in his mind.

How about you turning the question back to him? I read about this technique somewhere (probably here). I mean, when you get to a sticky question such as: Which currency do you think is used in Manchester?

Anyways, a two day break is better than nothing at all.

 

[Grannie G]

How on earth did you manage to charm the Station Master to call you if something like this happened ?,

Dear Cliff,
There is history attached to this. Earlier in the year, Dhiren was going to the sation and returning home with tickets to Manchester @ £78 each. So I wrote a letter, took his photo, and the Stationmaster very kindly said they will refuse to serve him.
It helped that we live in a small seaside town, where everything is much more personal, and the mother of one of the station officers suffered from Alzheimers.


Dear Joanne.
Dhiren has lived longer in Manchester than he lived in India and he has confused the two places for a long time. That is why he is so desperate to return, he thinks his family are there.

Love xx

 

[Cliff]

Dear Sylvia,

That unfortunately is a completely sensible and logical reply. You have shattered all my thoughts of a much more exotic answer ! ! !

Love,

 

[Grannie G]

Well dear Cliff,
So sorry to shatter your illusions. If I think of a more exotic answer, you`ll be the first to know.
Love xx

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I think Cliff is thinking along the lines of an alluring temptress who winds men around her little finger.

 

[Grannie G]

That`s me, Joanne.

 

[Grannie G]

This morning on waking..................

D` What`s the name of this place again?`
S `B**********s`
D `And this is our house?`
S `Yes.`
D `Do we work?`
S `No we`re retired.`
D `What do we live on?`
S `Our pensions.`
D `How much do we get?`
S `£ xxx.`
D `Can we save from that?`
S `Yes we can.`
D `What`s this place called?`
S `B*********S.`
D `Where did I come from?`
S `What do you mean?`
D `How did I get here?`
S `We came in the car with Paul.`
D `I don`t remember anything.`
S `You remember me.`
D `You`re my wife.`
S `Well thank goodness for that. You`ll have to let me remember for you.`
D `I`ve got no option. Where is this place?`
S `B*********S.`
D `Why did we come here?`
S `To live near Paul.`
D `Have I got a brother?`
S `As far as I know you have brothers and sisiters.`
D `Where are they?`
S `They are in India.`
D `Where`s Sylvia?`
S `I`m here.`
D `Oh! How could I forget that. I`m sorry.`

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Bless him Sylvia, he's trying so hard.

Conversation with my mother last week

Mother: ( anxious) Where's Deborah?
Deborah: I'm here
Mother: ( hadn't heard) Where's Deborah? I feel sorry for Deborah.
Deborah: (Under her breath) So do I.
(Out loud) I'm here, I'm HERE! No need to feel sorry. I'm large as life & twice as ugly but I'm OK, I'm perfectly OK!!

Mother: Oh, that's alright then. What shall we do next?
Deborah: What would you like to do?
Mother: I'd like to be with my friends. It's alright here but I don't see my friends or family ever.
Deborah: I come every other day except when I have to work.
Mother: When did you last come?
Deborah: I came on Wednesday
and ( oldest brother) came on Friday.
Mother: Oh, did you really? Did he? I don't remember. I feel so b.....y lazy. I don't DO anything. I just lie here. I should be working.
Deborah: Well I don't think going back to be a teacher would be too great an idea these days. It's all a lot different in the classroom I reckon. It's a lot about crowd control, or so I hear.
Mother: Really? Why is that? Who needs controlling?