A life in the day of.........................
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Thank you Bruce.
Dear Cliff,
There`s no danger of this thread disappearing, on my part, as long as things continue as they are.
Dhiren woke me in the early hours saying he wanted to die. He woke up properly in the same frame of mind.
It was such a beautiful day, I suggested we go for a walk, but he was cold, `had no heart` and didn`t feel like going out.
So we stayed at home, in misery and silence and I was unable to reach him.
At 3 p.m., he surfaced, and asked what had happened. I told him nothing had happened, we`d had another wasted day, and had missed a lovely day out in the sunshine.
`Why didn`t you wake me?` he asked. He hadn`t been asleep.
Dear Cliff,
There`s no danger of this thread disappearing, on my part, as long as things continue as they are.
Dhiren woke me in the early hours saying he wanted to die. He woke up properly in the same frame of mind.
It was such a beautiful day, I suggested we go for a walk, but he was cold, `had no heart` and didn`t feel like going out.
So we stayed at home, in misery and silence and I was unable to reach him.
At 3 p.m., he surfaced, and asked what had happened. I told him nothing had happened, we`d had another wasted day, and had missed a lovely day out in the sunshine.
`Why didn`t you wake me?` he asked. He hadn`t been asleep.
Oh Sylvia,
That is why your thread means so much. It's heart-wrenching, why did the Creator ever make AD ?
Thank you Bruce.
Love to you all
That is why your thread means so much. It's heart-wrenching, why did the Creator ever make AD ?
Thank you Bruce.
Love to you all
Hiya Cliff,
AD is, just as cancer is, multiple sclerosis - and all those other diseases that we frail humans fall victim too. Parts are heart wrenching, but parts are humorous, parts bring pain and sorrow, but there are good times too. What for GG was a wasted day, would have for others who have relatives who never stop wandering, been a blessing. It is all a case of perspective.
What do they sing in 'Life of Brian'?..... "Always look on the bright side of life"
Love Helen
AD is, just as cancer is, multiple sclerosis - and all those other diseases that we frail humans fall victim too. Parts are heart wrenching, but parts are humorous, parts bring pain and sorrow, but there are good times too. What for GG was a wasted day, would have for others who have relatives who never stop wandering, been a blessing. It is all a case of perspective.
What do they sing in 'Life of Brian'?..... "Always look on the bright side of life"
Love Helen
Hi Sylvia.
We too "lost" a day on Sunday. Jim went Walkabout from the NH and we had to call the police to find him . He was found not far away two hours later and had come to no harm. he was talking incoherantly and extremely confused.. so much that the NH tested for a UTI but no sign of infection. He has come out of it now but remembers little of what went on that day.He had been imagining all sorts of things he keeps telling me of speaking to people and that they disappeared without repling to him...whether these were real or imaginary people we shall never know ... the latest thing in telling me his brother keeps coming to the window but doesn't speak and when Jim moves his "brother" moves in the same way, the window turns out to be the mirror and Jim is seeing his own reflection....although he and his brother are a little like each other they could not by any means be mistaken for one another. Just another step along the Alzheimer's path.
Judith
We too "lost" a day on Sunday. Jim went Walkabout from the NH and we had to call the police to find him . He was found not far away two hours later and had come to no harm. he was talking incoherantly and extremely confused.. so much that the NH tested for a UTI but no sign of infection. He has come out of it now but remembers little of what went on that day.He had been imagining all sorts of things he keeps telling me of speaking to people and that they disappeared without repling to him...whether these were real or imaginary people we shall never know ... the latest thing in telling me his brother keeps coming to the window but doesn't speak and when Jim moves his "brother" moves in the same way, the window turns out to be the mirror and Jim is seeing his own reflection....although he and his brother are a little like each other they could not by any means be mistaken for one another. Just another step along the Alzheimer's path.
Judith
How are you all??
How are things with all of you out there?
Sylvia - please post on your daily problems - that is if you have any???!!
I had a horrendous week last week which on Saturday ended up with a sort of 'watch this boundary' issue. Since then all has been pretty even (cannot say rosie cos that would not be true).
It seems as though if, as a carer, you stand your ground every now and then it may result in a more even patch. So I hope that is the case for me for a while.
Take care all Beckyjan
How are things with all of you out there?
Sylvia - please post on your daily problems - that is if you have any???!!
I had a horrendous week last week which on Saturday ended up with a sort of 'watch this boundary' issue. Since then all has been pretty even (cannot say rosie cos that would not be true).
It seems as though if, as a carer, you stand your ground every now and then it may result in a more even patch. So I hope that is the case for me for a while.
Take care all Beckyjan
Sorry you`ve had a bad week Jan. Hope next week`s better.
Sometimes putting your foot down works, and you can breathe a sigh of relief, but at other times it has no effect whatsoever. So make the most of it jan, whilst it`s working.
All`s quiet for me really. Not good, but quiet. Dhiren was very depressed yesterday and hardly spoke at all. I just couldn`t reach him.
Today he`s much brighter, cooked a lamb curry for our son, for when he comes to watch the football tomorrow, read the papers, asked me what a couple of words meant, and only asked the cost of a train ticket to Manchester once.
He has also become interested in Strictly Come Dancing for the first time ever. He doesn`t understand who is a professional and who is a celebrity, and when we watch `It takes Two` with Claudia, he thinks someone will win each night. So he`s very confused about it, all but loves the dancing.
The trouble is, whilst I`m explaining, I miss the next bit.
Sometimes putting your foot down works, and you can breathe a sigh of relief, but at other times it has no effect whatsoever. So make the most of it jan, whilst it`s working.
All`s quiet for me really. Not good, but quiet. Dhiren was very depressed yesterday and hardly spoke at all. I just couldn`t reach him.
Today he`s much brighter, cooked a lamb curry for our son, for when he comes to watch the football tomorrow, read the papers, asked me what a couple of words meant, and only asked the cost of a train ticket to Manchester once.
He has also become interested in Strictly Come Dancing for the first time ever. He doesn`t understand who is a professional and who is a celebrity, and when we watch `It takes Two` with Claudia, he thinks someone will win each night. So he`s very confused about it, all but loves the dancing.
The trouble is, whilst I`m explaining, I miss the next bit.
Things have been quiet, during the last few days.
Some depression, some chat, some renewed interest in the tennis, a lot of pleasure from Strictly Come Dancing.
He has not been out for ages. He says it`s too cold, but he went for the papers this morning and came home exhausted.
We were sitting in companionable silence this afternoon, then,
D `This is our house, isn`t it?`
S `Yes.`
D `I`ll get used to it, maybe in six months or so.`
S `You should be used to it now. You`ve lived here for five years.`
D `I can`t believe it. I don`t remember anything.`
Some depression, some chat, some renewed interest in the tennis, a lot of pleasure from Strictly Come Dancing.
He has not been out for ages. He says it`s too cold, but he went for the papers this morning and came home exhausted.
We were sitting in companionable silence this afternoon, then,
D `This is our house, isn`t it?`
S `Yes.`
D `I`ll get used to it, maybe in six months or so.`
S `You should be used to it now. You`ve lived here for five years.`
D `I can`t believe it. I don`t remember anything.`
Hello Sylvia, thanks for posting again. That must be so wearing for you, when Dhiren goes into the mode of not remembering your home. And it must be so weird for Dhiren to think he's coming somewhere unfamiliar all the time. I wonder why he sees nothing to prompt his recall. It makes one wonder whether it really is any use taking favourite things to enhance a strange room in a care home. Will it really make much difference?
My mum has been in her latest home just over a year and still has no idea where she is. She asks me to take her home when things distress her, but she seems to calm down in her room upstairs. I think the calming effect is more due to the lack of uncontrollable noise from other residents and staff than from the presence of familiar items. Her walls are groaning with pictures, photos and mementoes from the past, but I don't think she sees them now: a product of her cataracts maybe. Pehaps that is what is confusing Dhiren further too: his cataracts?
My mum's room is very light as it has windows on two sides and is high up, overlooking the garden. Does it make any difference to Dhiren's confusion whether the days are light or overcast? If the amount of daylight we are subject to can affect our moods, eg SAD, could it also affect dementia? Just a thought. Take care, love Deborah xx
My mum has been in her latest home just over a year and still has no idea where she is. She asks me to take her home when things distress her, but she seems to calm down in her room upstairs. I think the calming effect is more due to the lack of uncontrollable noise from other residents and staff than from the presence of familiar items. Her walls are groaning with pictures, photos and mementoes from the past, but I don't think she sees them now: a product of her cataracts maybe. Pehaps that is what is confusing Dhiren further too: his cataracts?
My mum's room is very light as it has windows on two sides and is high up, overlooking the garden. Does it make any difference to Dhiren's confusion whether the days are light or overcast? If the amount of daylight we are subject to can affect our moods, eg SAD, could it also affect dementia? Just a thought. Take care, love Deborah xx
Dear Deborah,
We have some old favourite peices of furniture and some new. But we have lots of pictures and ornaments from years ago.
When Dhiren has a `lapse`, he wouldn`t identify new or old, but I don`t think it`s to do with his cataract, because he still reads in the evening by electric light. Last week, he saw three parakeets in our pear tree , the green amongst the green, and was guiding me, as I couldn`t pick them out.
I`m definitely affected by SAD, but I`m not sure about Dhiren. He may be, as he much prefers bright days to dark days, but don`t we all.
Anyway he`s completely over his lapse now, has decided it`s mind over matter and is determined he will not be affected tomorrow.
Love xx
We have some old favourite peices of furniture and some new. But we have lots of pictures and ornaments from years ago.
When Dhiren has a `lapse`, he wouldn`t identify new or old, but I don`t think it`s to do with his cataract, because he still reads in the evening by electric light. Last week, he saw three parakeets in our pear tree , the green amongst the green, and was guiding me, as I couldn`t pick them out.
I`m definitely affected by SAD, but I`m not sure about Dhiren. He may be, as he much prefers bright days to dark days, but don`t we all.
Anyway he`s completely over his lapse now, has decided it`s mind over matter and is determined he will not be affected tomorrow.
Love xx
Deborah - you might be right about the futility of placing familiar items in a care room in order to make it more familiar: my mother would point to things and say "how funny, I had (or have) one just like that" and I'd say "that is yours", and that was in a situation where everything around her was hers. I'm not sure whether it was stranger when she said she has one like that (as in present tense, but obviously, somewhere else)) or had (as in past tense).
Hello Sylvia,
Dee looks at familiar things and wonders who is going to take them when we move.
We're on the same wavelength.......
Love
Dee looks at familiar things and wonders who is going to take them when we move.
We're on the same wavelength.......
Love
Hi
I have taken lots of pictures and photos into my parent's room in the care home, but when I visit they are all in a drawer, or out of the frames in a drawer, with the empty frames diplayed!!
Go figure?
I think it is Mum still trying to do "housework, tidy up" because shoes, soap and various other thing are to be found in drawers.
I don't think, that Mum can now relate, to familiar things, or anything for that matter.
Alfjess
I have taken lots of pictures and photos into my parent's room in the care home, but when I visit they are all in a drawer, or out of the frames in a drawer, with the empty frames diplayed!!
Go figure?
I think it is Mum still trying to do "housework, tidy up" because shoes, soap and various other thing are to be found in drawers.
I don't think, that Mum can now relate, to familiar things, or anything for that matter.
Alfjess
Oh dear Alfjess, it gets worse, doesn`t it.
Dhiren, at least relates to some things. On a good day, he`ll comment how cosy the house is and how peaceful. He has a favourite print too, of an old tailor , and it does give him pleasure at times.
But when he goes within himself, he has no recognition of his surroundings. He told me that sometimes he doesn`t even know who he is.
Dhiren, at least relates to some things. On a good day, he`ll comment how cosy the house is and how peaceful. He has a favourite print too, of an old tailor , and it does give him pleasure at times.
But when he goes within himself, he has no recognition of his surroundings. He told me that sometimes he doesn`t even know who he is.
This morning, we attended our first Suppot Group run by the AS.
Dhiren was happy to come with, I think he was glad to get out of the house. But when we arrived, he shrank into himself, turned his head to gaze out of the window, resisted making eye contact with anyone and his body language showed how full of tension he was.
I managed, very quietly, to tell him that everyone in the group had Alzheimers, just as he did, and they all felt as he did.
He shook his head and said `There is a stigma in having Alzheimers.`
When he was asked a direct question, to draw him into the group, his voice was so weak and quiet, his lack of self confidence was pitiful. But he began to listen to others and identified with their reminiscences, and I could feel a slow relaxation and unwinding happening.
When it was over and we were on our way home, he told me how much he had enjoyed it.
Dhiren was happy to come with, I think he was glad to get out of the house. But when we arrived, he shrank into himself, turned his head to gaze out of the window, resisted making eye contact with anyone and his body language showed how full of tension he was.
I managed, very quietly, to tell him that everyone in the group had Alzheimers, just as he did, and they all felt as he did.
He shook his head and said `There is a stigma in having Alzheimers.`
When he was asked a direct question, to draw him into the group, his voice was so weak and quiet, his lack of self confidence was pitiful. But he began to listen to others and identified with their reminiscences, and I could feel a slow relaxation and unwinding happening.
When it was over and we were on our way home, he told me how much he had enjoyed it.
Sylvia, so glad that the meeting went reasonably well.
Love to you both.
That, at least was a positive response. Keep that in mind for next time.
Love to you both.
Hello Sylvia:
Pleased to hear that the support group was 'reasonably' successful. I wonder how much will be retained for the next get together.
OK - Dhiren enjoyed it - but did you?
Take care Jan
Pleased to hear that the support group was 'reasonably' successful. I wonder how much will be retained for the next get together.
OK - Dhiren enjoyed it - but did you?
Take care Jan
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