A life in the day of.........................

[Grannie G]

This morning on waking............

D [whispering] `She is crying.`
S `Who is crying?`
D `I don`t know.`
S `Are you dreaming?`
D `I don`t know. I can hear her crying.`
S `Who is she?`
D `Our guest.`
S `I don`t think we have a guest. There`s only the two of us in the house.`
D `I must be dreaming.`
S `I think so.`
D `She`s very cold.`
S `What`s her name?`
D `I don`t know.`
S `Can you see her, or can you just hear her?`
D `I don`t know.`
S `It must be a dream.`
D `But she`s crying and she`s cold.`

Was it a dream? Was it a Hallucination?

 

[sue38]

Was it a dream? Was it a Hallucination?

Who knows. It could have been a dream. I know when I have had a particularly vivid dream it can take a few moments on waking to realise that it was just a dream. Add AD to that and you can imagine how Dhiren might have been confusing dreams with reality.

My feeling would be that as this happened on waking it is more likely to have been a dream than a hallucination.

How is Dhiren now?

 

[Grannie G]

He`s fine now Sue. Thanks.

But he has been talking about long lost friends and spoke about the young daughter of one of them. I wonder if there is a connection there.

I think it was most likely a dream.

Love xx

 

[connie]

I think it was most likely a dream.

Let us hope so Sylvia. We shall never know just what goes on inside their heads.

Glad that Dhiren seems settled now. Take care.

 

[Margarita]

could be auditory hallucinations, but then I'm no doctor

CPN tell me that if you hear voices while falling asleep or waking up your still in dream sleep like sue said if you hear it during the day its auditory hallucinations


sounds like you handle it well acknowledge it by asking question

 

[Norman]

Sylvia
the only advice I can give you,from experience,and I am sure you have read this before.
When in the middle of a bad spell try to think ,we will be through this soon and then it will be better.
Yor quote supports that advice,doesn't it ?
Norman
quote Sylvia
When I got home, he was watering the new plants as bright as a button. Said he was a new man, felt fine and asked why I was limping.

So once again, all is well.

 

[Grannie G]

This morning..............
D `Where shall we go for our holidays this year?`
S `I haven`t thought about it.`
D `Think about it.`
S `OK. Where would you like to go?`
D `We could go anywhere.`
S `When it`s warmer I`ll look at some catalogues.`
D `I would really like to go to my grandparents farm. It is beautiful there.`


So often, I feel we are having a perfectly rational conversation, and then the punch line makes me realize we are living in two different worlds.

 

[Grannie G]

D `When do I collect my pension?`
S `You don`t collect it. It is paid into the bank.`
D `How can I draw a few pounds out, when I need money?`
S `You have your own account book.`
D `At B******** ?`
S `No, with the N*********.`
D `Why not B*******/`
S `Because you don`t have an account there now.`
D `I`ve had an account there all my life.`
S `We had to take your name off because you emptied the account, and put all the money into a new accont in your name. We had no money for Direct Debits to pay the bills.`
D `I`ve made such a mess of my life. I feel worthless.`
S `Well you are not.`
D `I can`t even manage my own money now. I`m nothing.`
S `You don`t measure worth by money.`
D `How else can you measure it?`
S `By the kind of person you are. If you have a good heart.`
D `I managed the money all my life.`
S `It didn`t make me feel worthless. I had no problem with it. I accepted it. I don`t want you to be resentful because I`m doing it now.`
D `Forget it. I`m not resentful.`

Then....

D `This is Paul`s house isn`t it?`
S `No. It`s our house.`
D [looking round the room] `Oh. I remember that light fitting. We bought it on Deansgate. [Manchester]`
S `Yes we did.`
D `Why is it here?`
S `Because we moved to this house.`
D `Who else lives here.`
S `No-one. Just the two of us.`
D `Where does Paul live?`
S `Just down the road, a few minutes walk away.`
D `So are we staying here for good?`
S `Yes.`
D `That`s wonderful. You`ve made my day.`

Then...........
D `My memory is very bad.`
S `I know. You`ll have to let me be your memory.`
D `Thank you. I hope so.`

 

[sue38]

Hi Sylvia,

This sense of worthlessness is a problem for my Dad too, but he puts it down to not being allowed to drive.

At the moment we are stressing over Christmas. If he could drive he would have got the Christmas tree by now (pointing out that it would be dead by Christmas falls on deaf ears), the house would be decorated and he would have bought all the Christmas presents by now. This from the man whose previous preparations for Christmas consisted of going in to the jewellers on Christmas Eve to pick up the present my Mum had picked out for herself.

I have tried to show him the year planner and counted out the 4 weeks to Christmas, but I'm not sure that it means anything to him.

 

[zonkjonk]

christmas is very hard

as is mothers day, fathers day, new years eve etc etc
one day at a time.
let him prepare for christmas, if a little early, well why not?
no harm done.tear up the calendar.
kind regards,
Jo

 

[Grannie G]

he puts it down to not being allowed to drive.
.

Hi Sue,
Do you think this is the only way your father can live with himself, by blaming not being allowed to drive. In a way, is it like transference?

 

[sue38]

Hi Sue,
Do you think this is the only way your father can live with himself, by blaming not being allowed to drive. In a way, is it like transference?

Absolutely. There are so many things he cannot do that have nothing to do with driving but it's easier to blame it on the inability to drive and to blame the inability to drive on the consultant. What's the alternative? Accept that he is ill?

Yesterday I was fitting a new doorbell as someone had stolen theirs (aren't people funny?) which is something he would have done in the past (fitted the doorbell not stolen it). He showed no interest at all, as to acknowledge what I was doing would be to acknowledge that there's one more thing he can no longer do.

let him prepare for christmas, if a little early, well why not?
no harm done.tear up the calendar.

Good point. So what if we have a brown bald Christmas tree come Christmas Day? It doesn't matter in the great scheme of things does it? Why do you think that we want things to be as normal as possible? Are we still in a state of denial as well?

 

[Grannie G]

Are we still in a state of denial as well?

I don`t think so.

Dhiren now seems to be able to anticipate. We are having countdowns. Not with Calendars, but verbally, just to give him something to look forward to.

For the present, it works. A couple of months ago it would have increased his anxiety. Next month, who knows?

We all have to find our own way around obstacles by trial and error.

Your father wouldn`t want a bald Christmas Tree.

 

[jenniferpa]

Sorry to interject here - they stole your parent's DOORBELL? That is beyond strange.

 

[connie]

Butting in here, but can so identify with Sue's remark:

He showed no interest at all, as to acknowledge what I was doing would be to acknowledge that there's one more thing he can no longer do.

Early on in Lionels diagnosis, i.e. he acknowledged that he had AD, he would sit and ignore me doing odd jobs. One day I was putting new skirting boards around the kitchen, whilst he sat at the table and looked at the paper.

Your remark really clarifies that time for us.

(p.s He had lost all his DIY skills very early on, even before I lived with him.)

 

[Grannie G]

Dhiren never answers the phone, when I`m home. He knows it won`t be for him.

When I`m out, he answers it, in case it`s me, but if it`s anyone else, he asks whoever it is to phone back later.

 

[sue38]

Sorry to interject here - they stole your parent's DOORBELL? That is beyond strange.

I know. Bizarre. It was one of those that has a remote unit on the inside that you plug in. What earthly use would half a doorbell be to anyone? And they left the battery behind. I did begin to wonder if a magpie or something similar was the culprit. But there are some strange people around so who knows?

 

[jenniferpa]

It's not possible, is it Sue, that your father actually did something with it and then forgot?

 

[sue38]

It's not possible, is it Sue, that your father actually did something with it and then forgot?

I did wonder about that.

My mum rang me about an hour ago to say that they have had a much better day. The weather has been pretty miserable today, so they went to the beach at Ainsdale and my Mum played a CD in the car on the way there that my niece had done for them for their 50th wedding anniversary last year of their favourite songs. They had a short walk and the dog ran himself stupid (he is a mad staffordshire bull terrier). They then called in on one of my Dad's oldest friends from school and his wife, and my Mum tapped them up for some sponsorship for my Sahara trek (what a star )

My mum is turning into quite a star actually. She really seems to have turned a corner and has stopped blaming my Dad for his illness and is much more accepting. Last week my Dad was stressing about wanting to go somewhere but couldn't (BECAUSE HE CAN'T DRIVE ) but couldn't say where either. So my Mum said 'OK let's go, you can direct me'. A few weeks ago she would have said 'WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO? WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO?' Off they went, he directed perfectly, had a look at what he wanted to see, and they came home. Afterwards he thanked her, twice

 

[jenniferpa]

3 cheers for your mum, Sue

I think it's question of getting your head in the right place - I'm sure things will vary from day to day, but flexibility of approach can be a life-saver (if you can do it - I had good and bad days).