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A life in the day of.........................

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Grannie G, Jun 4, 2007.

  1. solo

    solo Registered User

    Nov 30, 2008
    2
    going back to india

    helo. sorry forgot you,re name. I read your message, I am interested about this India bit. Is this real or does he want to go to India in his mind? I am asking this as my mum who has vasculair dementia keeps talking about India the whole time.
    Thanks, good luck with everything.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,094
    Kent
    Hello Solo

    My husband is Indian although he has lived in the UK for over 50 years. He wants to return to the India of his childhood, which seems common in dementia, a need to return to the family home or the time of childhood.
    Does your mother have any connection with India?
     
  3. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    I'm relieved to hear Dhiren is home.

    The one time my dad was missing for several hours and we had to call the police, my dad too blamed everyone else. The nature of the illness I suppose.

    Have you any idea if this was triggered by anything, such as watching the football, something he did when you lived in Manchester?
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,094
    Kent
    Hello Sue

    No Sue, he didn`t go to matches when we lived in Manchester, he was always working.
    I think he is running away from himself, or to what he sees as the security of his childhood, even though he left home at 18, never to return.

    He is strange now. Very distant, dozing, non-communicative. It feels like something is brewing.

    Time will tell.
     
  5. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Sylvia, I'm so glad D is back. I had to go out to the hairdressers but was thinking of you and D and worrying! That was kind of someone to report him. I wonder if the police might pop round to let you know their name. Would D agree to some form of tagging at some stage, do you think? Even perhaps carrying a mobile phone might be some sort of security net. You must be on tenterhooks all the time, very wearing. Take care of yourself. Love Deborah xx
     
  6. hazytron

    hazytron Registered User

    Apr 4, 2008
    1,167
    SOUTH LAKES
    Hi Sylvia
    I read all your posts and I have also never replied because in no way could I offer any advice nevertheless my heart goes out to you right now.
    I believe you must be an angel, heaven sent. You cope tremendously well with so much difficulty and always have kind words for everyone else.
    My thoughts are with you and I will continue to give my support, as you do, to so many.
    Kindest regards
    Hazel
     
  7. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Dear Sylvia

    I am so pleased that Dhiren is home even though he doesn't seem particularly pleased to be there. You know it's the best place for him but I bet you feel like you need a break.
    I suppose experience is telling you that Dhiren isn't out of the woods yet and that you may be in for a rougher ride:( Seeing as it is extremely cold and will be even colder tonight, is there any way that you could refuse to let him out even though you may be accused of keeping him a prisoner? Perhaps you can rally the forces to help cope should this escalate.

    Love
     
  8. sad nell

    sad nell Registered User

    Sylvia what a weekend you have had, and the not sleeping , you must be exhausted. Has Diren still got the haunted facial expression or has that passed now, i find that to be the clue that troubles brewing and i have a coded cycle lock that i put on gate to prevent trev leaving the garden, but he is not confined to house ,so usually not always though he pacers garden, freezing cold but at least safe ,would it help with Dirhen or would it make him more agitated. There is no more you can do and i wish i could help but nothing seems to bring an end to these moods just have to step back and say a prayer that they come to no harm, hope you get some rest love Pam
     
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,094
    Kent
    Thank you

    There is no way I can stop Dhiren leaving the house if he has a mind to do so. If I made it difficult for him he would become very angry and I am not prepared to risk it.

    Until I can reach him I`m afraid he will have to have his way. For now, I`m public enemy number 1 and am keeping away from him.

    Yes Pam, his expression is haunted and he looks at me with dislike.

    Dhiren does have identity with him on his key ring, but how could you tag someone who is convinced there is nothing wrong with him. He cannot learn even to answer a mobile phone. We have tried so many times, he has gone for walks in the past, I`ve phoned him and he has been unable to answer it.

    He still has not eaten and for a diabetic, it`s not good.
     
  10. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,429
    Sylvia - do you think it might be time for one of those GPS trackers? If there's one that fits on a key ring? Or would this be rejected as well?
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,094
    Kent
    Hello Jennifer

    I haven`t looked into them, I suppose I should.
    I will. :)
    Thanks.
    Love xx
     
  12. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,057
    Toronto, Canada
    Sylvia,
    I've just caught up with your posts. It is one hammerblow after another right now, isn't it?

    Has Dhiren eaten yet? His lack of food can only make things worse. It does appear to me that what is going on is more of a disease progression, I'm sorry to say. There's not much that can be done in that situation.

    Any more discussion with the doctor regarding medication? I know he responded badly to one AD med, but there are others that can be tried.

    Love,
     
  13. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Sylvia...

    Like Joanne I'm concerned about Dhiren's lack of food today.

    If he still hasn't eaten is there any chance you could speak to his GP for advice?

    My other thought is that if Dhiren is still very confused it may be worth contacting the GP to put him in the picture anyway...especially if you still think he is "brewing"

    Love gigi xx
     
  14. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,094
    Kent
    Dear Joanne and gigi

    Dhiren has had half a tin of beans, just now, and a cup of tea. He has said he will have dinner.

    Joanne, I think you are right, this is progression.

    Gigi, I`m not sure how effective it will be to contact the GP as he has little to do with Dhiren`s AD. If he`s as bad tomorrow and I haven`t heard from Terry, I will phone the consultant`s secretary and ask advice.
     
  15. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Dear Sylvia

    I can almost sense your feelings through the global highway Sylvia:( I hope you can sense the big hug that I and probably most others on TP want to offer you because it's about all we can do. I feel helpless to be able to be of any significant help which is o.k. because sometimes there is nothing that any of us can do but be there when needed.

    Love
     
  16. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    6,847
    I think this is a really important insight into one of Dhiren's triggers for the urge to leave/take control. When he is really "with you" he knows who you are and appreciates the security and love that you represent. There are other times when you seem to symbolise (in his clouded state of mind) a controling figure whose machinations are causing his apparent confusion - and he needs to get away from you and "reclaim" his former independent self.

    Your sense of your own safety zone is also an important insight. Very rarely, in the grip of some delusion, a person with AD will lash out at another person who they perceive as a threat.

    I agree with Joanne that the issue of alternative Alzheimer's medication needs to be explored with re-newed urgency. I know that Aricept did not suit Dhiren, but I would press the consultant to consider a trial of mematine (sold as Ebixa in Europe and Namenda in North America). This could be a much more desirable alternative to antipsychotics or sedatives as it actually does treat the disease.

    The European makers don't seem to have put much information online: http://www.ebixa.com/

    Typically, the North American site is flashier, but is also more user-friendly: http://www.namenda.com/

    Take care - stay WARM!

    Sandy
     
  17. twinone

    twinone Registered User

    May 19, 2008
    269
    england
    Thinking of you and Dhiren

    Hi Sylvia

    Just read your posts and my heart was in my mouth, thank god he is home safe especially in this freezing weather.

    It must be so hard for you to deal with without sleep or a proper rest. Poor you and poor Dhiren. I hate this disease.

    Hope the confusion clears later and you have a peaceful evening and night.

    Lots of love
    Janet
     
  18. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    229
    Birmingham
    I haven't got any sound advice, but i can understand the terrible anxiety you must be going through. And i hope Dhiren eats something soon, as i know this is a worry for you,that at this moment you could do without. [hugs] Jan x
     
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,094
    Kent
    Thank you for so much support.

    Dhiren finally came to me at about 4.00pm. and his face, although still haunted was slightly relaxed.
    He said he didn`t want to go away but was best staying here with me. He said he would have some dinner.
    By 4.30pm. he was in bed and asleep. He had no dinner so has just had a half a tin of beans since last night`s dinner and only this morning`s medication.
    I took your advice gigi and phoned the GP just to record today`s incident. Depending how he is tomorrow will decide whether or not I phone the consultant.
    At least he is having a good sleep, and while he`s sleeping can come to no harm.

    And so ends another day [almost].
    What would I do if I didn`t have TP to offload to, and all your wonderful support.
     
  20. SusanB

    SusanB Registered User

    Jan 15, 2008
    155
    Hove
    Hello again, Sylvia

    Just logging on again and I'm glad to hear that Dhiren is "back with you". I'd just like to add my support to so many others' on here, Sylvia. What a horrible day for you, I do hope that you have the opportunity at the moment to relax a little bit (if that's possible, who knows) and to take a little time for yourself.

    I visited my Mum today and in effect, it was like having a conversation with a goldfish, assuming a goldfish could talk!

    Do keep updating us, as I said, I've never posted on your thread but was compelled to do so earlier as I was so moved by your dilemma.

    Susan - by the sea (Hove! As beautiful as Broadstairs, I think!)
     
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