So bizarre !

[jugglingmum]

Oh yes - I remember winding roads - my dad liked the scenic route despite my mum's protestations, as she would have to clean up, and also not paying for food and taking packed lunch everywhere, eating sandwiches on the beach in the rain, if I could get away with it, I'd eat mine on the prom as I hated the sand in the sandwiches.

We do cafes - just not overpriced motorway services with the sort of food we don't often eat, and as we have Big Red (camper van) we don't do hotels, daughter gets to stay in hotels though, normally paid for by Welsh Cycling.

We do from Chester to Dover non -stop - but normally under 5 hours. We have onboard facilities which would have to be used if it was miss ferry or stop.

 

[Spamar]

Showing my age here, but no motorways when I was a kid! When I took my driving test, one of the questions was about the clear way sign. There weren't any in Cornwall at the time! When I lived in Leicester, Leicester Forest East service station was the place to go for coffee after a night out! There was an article about that in the paper the other day, I think LFE is celebrating its 50th birthday!
Even when OH and I first knew one another, the M25 wasn't complete. Just after we moved to Suffolk, a year after we got married, we had an invite to a wedding in Beaconsfield. So we added together the time from here to Chelmsford, where he used to live, from there to Watford, where I lived at the time and from Watford to Beaconsfield, added a bit for traffic. As we headed to Chelmsford I said the motorways open, lets go that way. We did. Arrived 90 mins early!
Such is life!

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning everyone - I'm home, lol!

Thanks so much for all the get well and 'have a great break' wishes xxxx It was good to have those few days and yep, I really did need them. A lot better, though the dregs of the lurgy are still lingering slightly, but at least I no longer feel like I've done 10 rounds with Ali and my head is no longer so heavy that I can't lift it! Other than a trip to the zoo, and a meal out one night, we did very little - but that suited me, as I had had the stuffing knocked out of me, and I really didn't want to do an awful lot, I'm afraid. I wish it could have been a longer break, but it was certainly better than nothing and got me through the worst of feeling poorly, so I shouldn't moan.

I haven't had chance to do more than skim everyones posts yet, hopefully, I'll get chance to have a proper read and catch up over the next couple of days

OH picked up Mil yesterday evening, and the report from respite was she had been 'fine' - I wasn't sure what to expect, as on the first evening respite had phoned me and it turned out that despite the 'on call' CPN's assurance that the paperwork for Mils meds would be sorted that day, it hadn't been done, and no consent had been sent to give the OK for Mil to have the diazapam as a regular evening dose, rather than it being noted as a prn dose during her stay. After apologising and explaining that I had been told that the paperwork would be done, the staff I spoke to left me a bit surprised as she announced that they were going to give the diaz to Mil anyway, rather than her being 'so agitated'. As I understood it, that is something that they cannot do without clearance from a consultant/GP, so I'm assuming from that response that at that point at least, Mil was being a bit of a handful, but to be honest, I didn't even ask - I didn't want to know and just felt that I was determined to have a complete break from Mil-related issues. The next morning, our usual CPN was back and I made a quick phone call to her that got eveything sorted.

Last night Mil was extremely subdued and confused, when she got home. We had a lot of her saying things like 'Will you give me a lift home' or 'its time I went now, isn't it?' but when OH explained gently that she was home, each time, she didn't kick off, just accepted it in a rather confused manner. She wasn't 'joining the dots' at all, at one point telling me that she had to go and visit 'T**' (her late husband) - I did the usual suggesting that she 'think about' what had happened to him, she quickly said 'Oh he died, didn't he?', but then added a few seconds later 'Well, I know he is dead, but I still have to go and see him to sort some things out' !. At bedtime, she was very child like but also very compliant for Mil - helped her get ready for bed with not one argument or nasty comment. 30 Minutes after she had been 'tucked up', she came down the stairs again - she told OH that she wondered who's voices she could hear, as she thought that only he and her were in (?) but she accepted his explanation and went back up with no problems at all.

Oldest went back yesterday (she's spending the rest of the weekend with her partner, as they are off to Harry Potter world today, lucky things) but son and his other half are here till Monday evening. Oldest is back next weekend for OH's and my joint birthday, then I guess the next time I see them both will be the Easter break (April) - which is when youngest is in Joseph, so Monday, I'm going to try and book another block of respite for Mil over the days that she is in the show. Hoping that there is no hassle with that - though I'm expecting to have the usual battle Apparently the only reason we got these few days is because some poor soul died and that gave the home a free bed for the few days before the next person on the waiting list moved in. I just think its awful that there is such a demand for the one respite bed that exists that you have to have the 'sheer luck' (as it was put to me) of someone passing away to get a break when its needed - its so wrong

Planning on taking things as easy as poss over the next few days, to try and finally knock the dregs of this lurgy on the head. Keeping fingers crossed that Mil gets on board with that plan, lol !

Hope you guys have a good day xxxx

 

[Batsue]

Glad to hear your break went well and you were able to rest xx.

 

[jugglingmum]

Even when OH and I first knew one another, the M25 wasn't complete.

I remember the M25 being built - the D ring road round Potters Bar was built before the M25 was envisaged and when it opened the main road past our house became much quieter (just googled - 1975 when I was 7).

The bit near London Colney/St Albans was built much later as my school bus used the A road which was used as some of the route. A guy I went out with briefly did work experience from his Civ Eng degree building the roundabout at London Colney, I think I was more interested in the engineering bits of it he told me about (how they got the layers of tarmac to join from different directions) than him!

 

[Slugsta]

Nice to see you Ann, I'm glad you were able to get some proper rest Now <wags finger> make sure you continue to take it as easy as you can. This kind of bug takes a few weeks to get over, not a few days </finger wagging>

Glad that MIL has been calm since she got home, long may it continue! I hope you are able to get respite booked for the 'Joseph' period, you must be so proud of your children

The M25 was built in 1975? That was the year I started nursing...

My mum has always been an early riser so holidays or days out would start before it was light. We camped until I was about 11. That year, it rained so heavily that the tent poles sank into the ground and twisted the frame. that was the end of the camping and, not much later, my parent's marriage also ended. I don't think I have ever camped since - or wanted to!

Hubs and I drive for about 2 hours before we stop. Mum would never do motorways, she always preferred to take the scenic route. Hubs and I will do motorways as and when it suits us. However, we will often break our journey at a cathedral or stately home. I don't like being in the car for long anyway, even with the seat as flat as it will go.

We really enjoyed our day at Harry Potter World, I hope daught and her boyf do too.

I envy you your close encounters with the owls. When we were running we used to get close to the buzzards on occasion. You could almost hear them thinking 'Well they smell bad enough to be dead, they are still moving but we'll just hang around for a while and see what happens' I highly recommend a visit to the Hawk Conservancy if you have any interest in raptors. I'm not particularly interested in birds in general, I view raptors more as animals with feathers.

Went out for lunch with hubs again today but am quite happy to leave him to the fruitbowl downstairs, while I loaf in bed upstairs

 

[starryuk]

A guy I went out with briefly did work experience from his Civ Eng degree building the roundabout at London Colney,

I go round that roundabout every day...sometimes more than once! I have been in this area since before the M25 existed round here and well remember the day Maggie Thatcher came to visit the brand new South Mimms Services. Sadly, I was more than 7 in those days.

 

[jugglingmum]

Starry UK - I don't remember the South Mimms services being opened, although we used to go for Sunday lunch at a motel in South Mimms. I'm from Potters Bar and went to school in St Albans. I used to go over that hill between London Colney and South Mimms in a clapped out coach (as always seems to be used for school runs) and it was very slow on the steep bits.

Ann - glad your break went wellish. Sorry you didn't manage more. Please rest as much as you can, the bug I've had keeps coming back - I succumbed in the middle of Jan and am still struggling. Getting out on my bike for any distance is somewhere in the future!

Can you book respite weeks through to the end of August, I'm guessing other families may book school hol weeks which are the ones you want?

Really really hope that MIL stays calm and settled.

Slugsta - sounds like you are slowly progressing. Important to not overdo it, but important to do as much as physio says is sensible as well - my MIL just doesn't understand how much of the exercises she needs to do.

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning everyone x

Managed to have a read and a bit of a catch up - Red, fab that you are getting back to the OU I hope you enjoy every minute of it. I'm not able to take on many weddings at all now - mainly Mil, but also partly the issues with my stupid back, a 12 hour day lugging my gear round leaves me in a lot of pain for several days now - so I'm playing with the idea of doing some sort of course/study, just to give me some 'dementia free' time. Hadn't thought of the OU, but may have a bit of a nosy and see whats on offer. That was a lovely account of your OH and him being able to give that lady a break - I can imagine how much she must have appreciated that xxx

RAnne - I'm glad you've had a little bit of a break, hun, but so sorry you are having such a tough time at the moment. At least I can sometimes get respite - my heart breaks knowing that at the moment all you can get is that one day a week (and sometimes not even that!). The respite situation for so many is just completey unacceptable xxxxxx

Slugsta, its sounds like you are on the mend, but hopoe you continue to take it easy until you are full recovered xxxx

JM, I am heeding what you are saying about taking it easy and about how long this lurgy can linger, and I am trying to follow the advice. Even without Mil, though, you know how hard it is for Mum's to 'take it easy'! I had a 'mini-melt down' at the zoo with my gang, partly because there was a certain attitude that Mil being absent was all the break I needed, and that with her not being here for those few days, I was quite OK to carry on and do everything else. My girls are NOT the tidiest of creatures, and after picking up after them for several days and not having any of them do so much as offer to do the dishes (without being asked) let alone offering to help with anything else, them moaning about me stopping to take photographs really got my back up and I let fly. The message got through, but I was so annoyed that I had to actually point out to them that a little more help would be appreciated whilst I've been so poorly!

We love taking off for a drive here, stopping as and when we want and exploring new places. I loath motorway driving myself, and don't even particularly enjoy travelling on them as a passenger - not enough chances to stop if something catches your eye, and everything gone in a blur. And I love camping - finding out of the way places and exploring, as long as I can grab a morning shower and the tent/camper van doesn't leak, then not even bad weather bothers me And I love being away from the TV and phone - the rest of the family pull a face if there is no signal and no wifi, but as long as I have my camera and a couple of books, its my idea of bliss! Old Red is ideal for just 'taking off' in, I think - even for just a day out.

Mil did her usual trick of waking about 9.30-ish and wanting food, then returning to her bed for a couple of hours yesterday. I was 'Mum' and OH was her brother, when she first got up and she several times asked me if I lived 'here' now - not sure what was going through her head, tbh. When she got up for the second time at about midday, we had 'Little Miss Demanding'. I made her a cuppa (as she requested) but then she wanted toast 'right now' - as I've said before, at a weekend I use her wanting food as a lever to persuade her to at least have a wash and change her pull ups, and yesterday in particular, I wanted to get her into the bathroom. Her hair was pretty matted (I'm assuming from the state of it that they had't been able to get her to have it washed whilst she was away), she didn't smell at all fresh and her breath (which we had noticed the night before) was bad enough to bowl you over. But Mil initially refused to wash - no point, she said, she was going back to bed and didn't want to and nothing I could say would sway her. I tried dangling her regular visit to Shirls - she told me she wasn't going - because she hadn't 'crawled in to bed' until after 2a.m. the previous night as she 'and the girls' had stayed late at the dance - and anyway, Mil insisted, Shirl had had a 'skinful' the night before and Mil doubted that she would be up because she probably had a 'right head' on her ! I managed to stop her kicking off, but stuck to my guns of 'lunch only AFTER washing', so in the end, she flounced off back to bed for another hour and a half.

When she came down for the 3rd time, she was in a really snappy mood, quite rude and still with the 'Fetch me, give me NOW' tone about her. OH and I had to join forces to get her to agree to washing - honestly, you couldn't get within 3 feet of her before her breath made you feel like choking. Very reluctantly, she eventually agreed and up to the bathroom we went. The night before I'd also clocked that there had been a dressing applied to the area on her leg where she had had the bad skin tear in October, but she had been so tired I hadn't pushed her to let me look properly. I took the opportunity to now have a proper check over of it - her leg was a mess Skin around it red and very dry and quite hot to the touch, it looked as though she was on the point of cellulitus again. I bathed the leg and applied aqueous cream, and I honestly don't think that although I'd sent a small tub in with her to respite, that any had been applied whilst she was away I think she must have picked at or knocked the leg again (hence the dressing) and I was quite concerned that it might be starting with an infection.

She really struggled with following instructions to wash herself, poor thing didn't have a clue and needed a lot of help. Her buttocks had quite angry red patches on them, which she kept trying to scratch at and under her boobs were pretty red and sore looking too.

The she took her teeth out to clean them - and cast-iron stomach or not, even I was on the point of heaving. The underside of the plate was thick with the most disgusting 'sludge', absolutely stinking I've had periods of up to 2 days where Mil has resisted cleaning her gnashers, but even then, I've never seen her dentures in that state before.

She (reluctantly) agreed to have her hair washed, and then decided to get dressed, so after helping her into clean pull ups and her bra, I headed downstairs to sort her egg on toast for her lunch. While she was eating, I finally got around to emptying the small case she had taken to respite. She'd 'lost' shower gel and the tub of cream I'd sent in, and gained a pair of slippers, two flannels and a bottle of perfume! More worryingly, I'd sent in enough pull ups for a twice a day change, plus 2 pairs as spares in case of accident. There were still 5 pairs in the case, meaning that not even they had been changed as regularly as they should have been - which may explain the red patches on her bottom

OK - I know that few residential/respite places are perfect, I know that getting someone with dementia to take care of personal hygiene can be hard, and I know Mil can be 'difficult' - but, what if she had been there for 2 weeks? What state would she have come home in then? I don't mean her hair - a bit of grease won't hurt her - but changing pulls ups, using the aqueaous cream and not getting ehr teeth clean are all issues which could compromise her health and cause her discomfort at the least. And isn't it awful that I know I'm not going to say anything because I just can't risk alienating the home when we are so reliant on them for getting not only respite breaks, but DC too. For our sake and Mil's, I need to keep a good relationship going with them, which means I really feel like I have to just 'accept' that they are not going to be as meticulous as I feel that they should be. And I keep being told by CPN and the odd social worker, and even care staff I know from other establishments, that the home(s) where Mil goes for DC and respite are 'the best' in the area in terms of care and reputation - which, given the state she has come home in, in very bloody scary

Mils mood deteriorated as the day went on. We didn't get any out and out explosions, but there were snappish comments and huffs and sighs. A good long bout of the kitchen loop, more irritating than intense and lots of 'prodding' remarks about 'home'. She was a bit obsessed with what my relationship is to her and to OH - and none to sure about where OH figured in her family tree, either! Our explanations didn't seem to make much sense to her - explaining that I was her daughter in law, she listened intently and then said 'So that means that you are married to my Father?'. 'Home' intensified after tea, so at 7.30-ish when she huffily announced she was going to her room, we just let her go. At 9, I went up and got her to change her pull ups, and applied more cream to her legs and buttocks - the leg was much better, no heat and the redness very much lessened - then got her to come down for her porridge and meds. She went back up afterwards, and not a peep since.

No plans today - will try and sort a few of the latest zoo snaps to post if I get chance - and other than that its just pootling and the Sunday lunch to sort

Hope you all have good day xxxx

 

[Ann Mac]

Quick sample of some of the latest zoo shots that I'm particularly happy with - hope you enjoy!

 

[Ann Mac]

And some more . . .

 

[RedLou]

Well, isn't that a lovely treat to wake up to on a Sunday morning! Gorgeous pix, Ann! Thank you! --Worth the row with the kids to get them, methinks.

Do you know - to a certain extent I don't blame the CH? The way MiL kicks off or snaps or generally makes life difficult re: cleanliness I am always amazed that you plug away every single day. I certainly wouldn't be styling her hair - it would be a wash once a week, daily brushing plus a bit of Batiste vitality when required! I would guess that if she's being stubborn and the staff know she's returning to you and the exemplary care you give within four days, well, it's easy for them to cop out.

Anyway, onto serious matters - what you need is a 20-something hunky male assistant to do all your lugging for you. I'm imagining a sort of Aidan Turner with a Canon in his jeans pocket. --Well, we can wish all the best for you, can't we?!

It's worth having a mosey around the OU site -- I'm finishing my Spanish but also adding in some English modules - there's a fab one on children's literature I really want to do. There are student loans available, too.

 

[Ann Mac]

Red, you can guarantee that should I not do her hair, at some point (usually 5 minutes before the mini bus arrives) she will suddenly realise or decide that her hair is a mess - and that can and does become a massive kick off trigger, usually provoking more anger and upset than the argument to do her hair in the first place. Same deal with me battling to get her to change her top when she spills something - on one occasion, when we were going shopping and she had spilt soup down her top, I gave up on the battle to get her to change it before we went out. Half way round the supermarket she was sweltering and opened her coat, spotted the stain and the grief she gave me by far eclipsed the grief it would have taken had I persisted and got her to change. And yep - I do get why the staff had maybe given up on getting her to clean her teeth or change her pad or wash and apply the cream to her lower legs - as you say, for the sake of just 5 days/4 nights, they perhaps felt it didn't matter, and God knows she can be really unpleasant - but its the potential long term affects. UTI's, the cellulitus or even a mouth infection are no fun by themselves, let alone mixed with dementia - no sign of a UTI or problems with her mouth yesterday, thank goodness - but I'm still not sure if her leg is going to be OK, or if she is going to miss at least some DC tomorrow because I may have to get her to the GP's . If I do, and if she has to have AB's again, then I have the likliehood of her having a tummy upset, as well as an increase in agitation to cope with. And there is the fact that if an infection does flare up, then on top of the dementia, she may also suffer discomfort, perhaps pain. So for me, its a case of yep, it is hard work to get her to maintain a certain level of cleanliness - but harder work if you don't and she becomes ill

Glad you like the pics - its a bit of a challenge getting the shots without the enclosures intruding into the frame. Especially with glass enclosures, 'cos reflections are a nightmare to avoid. Its good to have the opportunity to push myself a bit, trying to overcome issues like that though - I have a 'thing' about trying to get images that 'hide' the fact that the animals are captive - frustrated safari photographer in me coming out, I think, lol!

Oh - and I do like the idea of a hunk to cart my photo gear around Wonder if any hunks out there would be interested in the job, lol!

 

[marionq]

Red, you can guarantee that should I not do her hair, at some point (usually 5 minutes before the mini bus arrives) she will suddenly realise or decide that her hair is a mess - and that can and does become a massive kick off trigger, usually provoking more anger and upset than the argument to do her hair in the first place. Same deal with me battling to get her to change her top when she spills something - on one occasion, when we were going shopping and she had spilt soup down her top, I gave up on the battle to get her to change it before we went out. Half way round the supermarket she was sweltering and opened her coat, spotted the stain and the grief she gave me by far eclipsed the grief it would have taken had I persisted and got her to change. And yep - I do get why the staff had maybe given up on getting her to clean her teeth or change her pad or wash and apply the cream to her lower legs - as you say, for the sake of just 5 days/4 nights, they perhaps felt it didn't matter, and God knows she can be really unpleasant - but its the potential long term affects. UTI's, the cellulitus or even a mouth infection are no fun by themselves, let alone mixed with dementia - no sign of a UTI or problems with her mouth yesterday, thank goodness - but I'm still not sure if her leg is going to be OK, or if she is going to miss at least some DC tomorrow because I may have to get her to the GP's . If I do, and if she has to have AB's again, then I have the likliehood of her having a tummy upset, as well as an increase in agitation to cope with. And there is the fact that if an infection does flare up, then on top of the dementia, she may also suffer discomfort, perhaps pain. So for me, its a case of yep, it is hard work to get her to maintain a certain level of cleanliness - but harder work if you don't and she becomes ill

Glad you like the pics - its a bit of a challenge getting the shots without the enclosures intruding into the frame. Especially with glass enclosures, 'cos reflections are a nightmare to avoid. Its good to have the opportunity to push myself a bit, trying to overcome issues like that though - I have a 'thing' about trying to get images that 'hide' the fact that the animals are captive - frustrated safari photographer in me coming out, I think, lol!

Oh - and I do like the idea of a hunk to cart my photo gear around Wonder if any hunks out there would be interested in the job, lol!

Those are beautiful photos Ann. You really are a pro.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

I'd swear those animals were posing for you, Ann. Not one reflection or strut in sight, that's an achievement to be pleased about. Maybe one day you'll get that safari, hunk and all!

Can see Red's point, you have to try so hard to keep MIL as clean, presentable and fit as possible, and doing it gives you so much grief...no wonder you're exhausted. I guess her reasonable mood when she came back reflects the fact she hadn't been hassled, but the price she and you paid was having to deal with the the sores and filthy breath. Respite, however hard won, should ideally be respite, and not followed by the effort of putting right what wasn't done.

Having said that I still hope you get some more respite in the summer.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

The flamingoes are particularly good. What strange upside down birds they are. In Namibia we saw thousands of them flying in flocks and wading in shallow water...the sight was hypnotic. I'll never forget it.

 

[Mrsbusy]

Just an idea Anne until you fill the vacancy for a hunk, how about looking into these executive bags the bankers drag around behind them on trains. Bit like a suitcase on wheels, cabin luggage size, but with pickets, laptop size but at the front etc, to put your cameras etc in. Teachers use them too saves their backs too. Mother's Day coming up so drop a few hints maybe?

Great photos as usual. There is a group for courses for older students called something like the third generation or something. Maybe worth looking into, as I know you have plenty of spare time!!

 

[Mrsbusy]

Just an idea Anne until you fill the vacancy for a hunk, how about looking into these executive bags the bankers drag around behind them on trains. Bit like a suitcase on wheels, cabin luggage size, but with pickets, laptop size but at the front etc, to put your cameras etc in. Teachers use them too saves their backs too. Mother's Day coming up so drop a few hints maybe?

Great photos as usual. There is a group for courses for older students called something like the third generation or something. Maybe worth looking into, as I know you have plenty of spare time!!

 

[LadyA]

You don't mean University of the Third Age, do you?
Photos are just stunning! I am in awe.

 

[Batsue]

Hiring a hunk is a good idea, my brother used to help out at wedding shoots when he was studying photography at college, he was really lucky as about 20 people applied and it definitely was not for the money.