I am going to burble here, because I cannot work things out in my own head for myself - I feel as though I am going round in circles.
1) He has a stoma he does not understand. Carers come once a day to change bag
2) He has vascular mixed dementia which happened at the same time as his stoma operation
Most problem is the bag coming adrift at night. Washing machine going full pelt as I type.
I have spent months trying to work out why the bag comes adrift at night, and the problem around him needing to empty it so often in the night, when he hardly needs to empty it during the day and can spend many hours sat in front of TV.
I, and carer were putting this down to him eating his main meal late in the date ( 8pm) and then drink 5 mugs of horlicks.
I tried talking to him this morning, and discovered that when he gets up in the night - he does not actually need to wee or to empty his bag, but it gives him something to do - and this can happen several times in the night.
Carer and I have both tried talking to him as kindly as possible this morning, BUT we feel that his lack of understanding and empathy due to the dementia means we are more or less talking to ourselves.
Ideally, when he wakes in the night it would be better if he just stayed in bed, because the constant messing with the bag is making it come off. But I cannot get this into his head, because his dementia won't let it go in.
But at least I can forget about what he is eating, now I know he just empties for something to do. The routine seems to be wake up, go to bathroom, empty bag, have a drink of virtually undiluted orange squash that is kept in the bathroom, go back to bed and spend 10 mins rubbing sudocrem into his hands that he has worried and picked at, and go back to sleep - repeat as often as he wants during the night,because he basically is not tired because he has been dozing in his chair all day.
This is a really long rant, or burble, because I am sort of thinking out loud and being extremely fed up.
If you have read this through, my thanks, really I appreciate it.