• We're currently experiencing technical issues with our newsletter software, so our Dementia Talking Point monthly updates have been put on hold for now. We hope to restart the newsletter soon.

    Find out more >here<.

TIPPING POINT

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,854
Such a good and clever idea, Grahamstown. Much of what we have to do is reduce anxiety. I made a mistake yesterday and mentioned I could not find something, any loss causes anxiety so a very noisy search was made in all the unlikely places. Peace did not reign until it was found, a plant had been moved a little and it was behind that.
This clingy behaviour is the same, I am lucky as our home is very compact to I can be heard, hearing aids willing, but I can hear unusual sounds too. Rather like when children are young, one tunes in.
My secret weapon at the moment is the TV with headphones this means he is occupied and I can sit near often looking at Talking Point and shopping via the iPad.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,492
I am with you on this because I am the one who gets angry with the stupidity of it all, feel remorse and then repeat. My daughter came over today and what a relief to have someone else to interact with him. Just listening to the news and a bit depressed because in the piece on NHS funding, no mention of the rise of the incidence of dementia, and social care policy is in shreds. In the meantime we all suffer and battle on. Ditto going to bed early and in my case up and down about 5 times saying goodnight.
The business about social care and dementia etc is supposedly being covered in the green paper still to come and postponed from last summer!! I know, I know, it is depressing isn't it. One day .... with love, Geraldinexxxx
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,854
I am with you on this because I am the one who gets angry with the stupidity of it all, feel remorse and then repeat. My daughter came over today and what a relief to have someone else to interact with him. Just listening to the news and a bit depressed because in the piece on NHS funding, no mention of the rise of the incidence of dementia, and social care policy is in shreds. In the meantime we all suffer and battle on. Ditto going to bed early and in my case up and down about 5 times saying goodnight.

I felt the same about the 'master plan' just another deflection like the Kent lorries to avoid Brexit talk.
I have just answere an earlier thread about the chair in front of the door. Not really awake!
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,710
80
East of England
Learning ‘dementia speak’ is challenging, not helped by the feeling that if you ‘give in’ to this you are accepting that your dear one is affected, when all the time you keep thinking it is a horrible mistake. I shall watch out for the green paper @kindred but I won’t hold my breath. Green papers tend to be slow growing plants and often get stifled before they can get going. I think the government are in denial too, about the extent and devastation of this disease.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,492
I felt the same about the 'master plan' just another deflection like the Kent lorries to avoid Brexit talk.
I have just answere an earlier thread about the chair in front of the door. Not really awake!
oh yes, it's all misdirection to take our eyes off the issues!
Gx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,492
Learning ‘dementia speak’ is challenging, not helped by the feeling that if you ‘give in’ to this you are accepting that your dear one is affected, when all the time you keep thinking it is a horrible mistake. I shall watch out for the green paper @kindred but I won’t hold my breath. Green papers tend to be slow growing plants and often get stifled before they can get going. I think the government are in denial too, about the extent and devastation of this disease.
Oh yes, so so agree about the denial. Will following generations put up with the kind of caring we do? The personal sacrifices? But what can they do either? It is really dystopian. Lovely to hear from you.
Love and best, Kindred (geraldinexxxx)
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
760
Basingstoke, Hampshire
I made a mistake yesterday and mentioned I could not find something, any loss causes anxiety so a very noisy search was made in all the unlikely places. Peace did not reign until it was found, a plant had been moved a little and it was behind that.
That is worth bearing in mind and I shall try to remember it.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,132
Scotland
I'm no expert on what future generations will do as carers but it is clear that the duration of marriages is shorter and that when things get tough many just get going. I know I had a long spell before diagnosis when circumstances changed in my marriage. Clearly John was experiencing the beginnings of Alzheimer's but I didn't recognise it for what it was for a number of years. If our marriage had not been such a strong one I would have left.

So here we are in our seventh year of diagnosis. The elements causing me such unhappiness are no longer there. John is around stage 6e and is 86 and is still living at home with me. I'm struggling at times and I don't deny it and I would never criticise anyone who can't do this. Who knows how long I can keep going? Future generations should already be pressing for change for themselves if not for other family.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,771
Kent
The younger generation to me seems to be taking responsibility for parents as we witness here on TP. We also have posts from very concerned and affected grandchildren.

It`s why family behaviour is so important. The majority of children are conditioned by their upbringing . Even if people no longer have to settle for unhappy marriages their children will be influenced if their parents are compassionate.
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,441
South of the Border
I'm no expert on what future generations will do as carers but it is clear that the duration of marriages is shorter and that when things get tough many just get going. I know I had a long spell before diagnosis when circumstances changed in my marriage. Clearly John was experiencing the beginnings of Alzheimer's but I didn't recognise it for what it was for a number of years. If our marriage had not been such a strong one I would have left.

So here we are in our seventh year of diagnosis. The elements causing me such unhappiness are no longer there. John is around stage 6e and is 86 and is still living at home with me. I'm struggling at times and I don't deny it and I would never criticise anyone who can't do this. Who knows how long I can keep going? Future generations should already be pressing for change for themselves if not for other family.
Just a quick query - what is Stage 6e ? Thank you
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,132
Scotland
If you go online to the Fisher seven stages of Alzheimer’s it gives a very accurate description in line with my experience so far. Not everyone agrees.

That’s a good point you make Sylvia about the younger people on here.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,037
If you go online to the Fisher seven stages of Alzheimer’s it gives a very accurate description in line with my experience so far. Not everyone agrees.

That’s a good point you make Sylvia about the younger people on here.
I have looked at it and dad is a classic example, recently entered stage 5 if I remember right as he has stopped showering and is wearing the same clothes until I manage to spill something on him. He of course is totally unaware of this and thinks his clothes are clean on every day.

It's not a pleasant read and some time next year I expect him to have trouble dressing.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,634
N Ireland
Just a quick query - what is Stage 6e ? Thank you
That's the same stages web-site I've posted a number of times. It is detailed but the stages are something that you can find with multiple definitions because they are so individual and fluid. Most bodies will be like AS and just use the simple 3 stage definition of early, mid, late.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,804
69
Dundee
That's the same stages web-site I've posted a number of times. It is detailed but the stages are something that you can find with multiple definitions because they are so individual and fluid. Most bodies will be like AS and just use the simple 3 stage definition of early, mid, late.
I found this re the 7 stages. I felt Bill was in one stage in some respects and in another re other respects. In the end I stopped looking at the stage descriptions and just dealt with things as I faced them.

I know that Pete has posted the AS link before. Just in case anyone would like to refer to it here it is again -

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about...tia-progresses/progression-alzheimers-disease
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,634
N Ireland
Yes, the whole stages thing can be too generalised for some. I would put my wife at stage 4 but she shows some symptoms at stage 5 and even up to stage 6d, although I wouldn't put her above 4 if I consider the overall descriptions of these stages.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,854
I try to avoid labels and that includes stages. People differ so much and cannot be confined in a verbal box.

I try to follow what I learned many years ago.
Many places claim they offer person centred care. I fear it means many things in practice.

Carl Rogers, the psychologist, spoke of a person centred approach and in particular 'positive unconditional regard'.
That is treating a person in a positive way, unconditionally, and regarding the value each individual has.
Every odd behaviour or demand has a 'reasonable' reason behind it.
I am a complete amateur in our present everchanging situation but at the moment I find some of these ideas helpful.
I try to deal with things as they come up, I assume there is a reason/cause for various behaviours and avoid (when I am not too tired to think!) any challenging response on my part.
At the moment there has been an attempt to clean the soup maker with such a strong cleaner my eyes are watering. In my husband's eyes it was reasonable it needed cleaning.
Many activities are governed by fear, I found with a neighbour I could reassure and distract more often than not.
By not using too many labels I think the approach is more fluid and loving.
People do not conform to labels and expectations and I have found (up to now) that this group of illnesses do not in my scant experience. We are all walking in the dark most of the time.
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
760
Basingstoke, Hampshire
Having looked at the various stages my husband would possibly fit stage 5 in all aspects apart from clothes. He can't handle buttons, I have to do them up for him, but is happy to change his clothes. My problem is that he sometimes changes his clothes but hangs the dirty clothes back in the wardrobe. So if I notice he has clean clothes on I have to try and remember what he wore yesterday and go and retrieve it for washing.
 

Starbright

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
529
I try to avoid labels and that includes stages. People differ so much and cannot be confined in a verbal box.

I try to follow what I learned many years ago.
Many places claim they offer person centred care. I fear it means many things in practice.

Carl Rogers, the psychologist, spoke of a person centred approach and in particular 'positive unconditional regard'.
That is treating a person in a positive way, unconditionally, and regarding the value each individual has.
Every odd behaviour or demand has a 'reasonable' reason behind it.
I am a complete amateur in our present everchanging situation but at the moment I find some of these ideas helpful.
I try to deal with things as they come up, I assume there is a reason/cause for various behaviours and avoid (when I am not too tired to think!) any challenging response on my part.
At the moment there has been an attempt to clean the soup maker with such a strong cleaner my eyes are watering. In my husband's eyes it was reasonable it needed cleaning.
Many activities are governed by fear, I found with a neighbour I could reassure and distract more often than not.
By not using too many labels I think the approach is more fluid and loving.
People do not conform to labels and expectations and I have found (up to now) that this group of illnesses do not in my scant experience. We are all walking in the dark most of the time.
...I so agree with you @AliceA I feel I’m walking in the dark and also on eggshells ;)

Kindest A x
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,441
South of the Border
...I so agree with you @AliceA I feel I’m walking in the dark and also on eggshells ;)

Kindest A x
Oh Goodness, if its egg shells you are after - do come here. I think the Tesco team doing my grocery shop ( we live rurally and no car) wonder what I do with all the eggs I buy - OH goes through 36 a week, no matter what I say to him - so plenty off egg shells here.
I tried crushing them last year and putting them on the garden to deter slugs, but the pesky devils just crawled over them,,,,,

Have a good night
 

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
116,081
Messages
1,697,645
Members
66,898
Latest member
busierbee