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TIPPING POINT

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,412
South of the Border
Who is Tipping over the edge - or almost, today? and can we rescue them with kind words as always.........

I am familiar with the quiz show of the same name as my OH watches it all the time.........

None of us really know what our own Tipping Point is, but I feel my major one is the lack of interaction and conversation with people - or do we have a different tipping point every day?

In that case yesterday mine was him keep yelping loudly and being very dramatic when eating and he has bitten the inside of his mouth - three times during our meal last night. Why is he biting the inside of his mouth? Because he is trying to chew just on one side, not successfully, because of his badly damaged tooth that he refused to have fixed because dentists charge something to NHS patients. I went to a lot of trouble to get him to the dentist, as we have no transport, and then when there he refused treatment, even though I had the money put to one side.

Grrr! Let's get on with the day, and see if there is a TP, but hopefully for most of us, it might be a cold but reasonable day.....and cold brings me to another TP to do with our landlord, but that is another story............
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,099
Scotland
@maryjoan i just remembered that if you go to the dental hospital in Glasgow you dont get charged because it is a training hospital. That means you might be getting a student dentist but they will be supervised. Is there a city near you which might have a similar facility for his extraction?
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,412
South of the Border
@maryjoan i just remembered that if you go to the dental hospital in Glasgow you dont get charged because it is a training hospital. That means you might be getting a student dentist but they will be supervised. Is there a city near you which might have a similar facility for his extraction?
That's a good thought - I shall make some enquiries - it's amazing what we discover on here isn't it?? Thank you so much x
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,825
Just a thought, I suddenly rembered those Tipping Dolls, a good symbol for Carers as we cannot afford to be tipped up for too long! Mind they could get crushed, so gentle care is needed.

My tipping point may be the the local health authority, more about that someother time.
Push me too hard and my Tipping ability might bonk them on the nose! :p
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,507
N Ireland
I think this is a great idea for a thread @maryjoan.

My wife also watches the game show - I think she likes that type of show because she doesn't have a plot to contend with. It's sad how sometimes when she walks from one room to another to, excitedly, tell me how much someone has won she's forgotten the amount in the time taken to reach me.

My 'Tipping Point' changes from day to day (or should that be my 'Incredulity Point'. Last night we were walking to the karaoke bar and I noticed my wife was walking along with a finger stuck up her nose. I enquired as to what was wrong and was informed that her nose has changed shape. I reassured her by simply saying "Don't worry, your nose hasn't changed shape". This was countered by her telling me that her nose was falling apart and was completely different - all whilst the finger was still up there! I suggested she just needed to blow her nose - and heard no more about it!:rolleyes:
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,412
South of the Border
I think this is a great idea for a thread @maryjoan.

My wife also watches the game show - I think she likes that type of show because she doesn't have a plot to contend with. It's sad how sometimes when she walks from one room to another to, excitedly, tell me how much someone has won she's forgotten the amount in the time taken to reach me.

My 'Tipping Point' changes from day to day (or should that be my 'Incredulity Point'. Last night we were walking to the karaoke bar and I noticed my wife was walking along with a finger stuck up her nose. I enquired as to what was wrong and was informed that her nose has changed shape. I reassured her by simply saying "Don't worry, your nose hasn't changed shape". This was countered by her telling me that her nose was falling apart and was completely different - all whilst the finger was still up there! I suggested she just needed to blow her nose - and heard no more about it!:rolleyes:
Oh goodness ! I wonder what the day will bring.......
 

Janie M

Registered User
Jun 12, 2018
70
@maryjoan ....that’s all my OH tends to watch, game shows. Now, while I don’t mind too much, my tipping point is whatever is on, even live sport, I hear, “see it, been on before” etc and it drives me insane!! While sometimes I just respond with a “mmmm” it drives me to distraction!! Like you say, what will the rest of the day bring
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,507
N Ireland
@maryjoan ....that’s all my OH tends to watch, game shows. Now, while I don’t mind too much, my tipping point is whatever is on, even live sport, I hear, “see it, been on before” etc and it drives me insane!! While sometimes I just respond with a “mmmm” it drives me to distraction!! Like you say, what will the rest of the day bring
My wife gets that time warp thing where what is being watched is processed as a memory. I deal with it in exactly the same way as you - it's such a waste of energy to try to explain how that isn't possible. :)
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,412
South of the Border
@maryjoan ....that’s all my OH tends to watch, game shows. Now, while I don’t mind too much, my tipping point is whatever is on, even live sport, I hear, “see it, been on before” etc and it drives me insane!! While sometimes I just respond with a “mmmm” it drives me to distraction!! Like you say, what will the rest of the day bring

I know what the rest of the morning brought - a letter from HMRC claiming not to have had my tax return which I posted to them in mid October........worried me awfully about having to do it again etc or even worse, online - managed to speak to them on the phone and it turns out it is generic and I can forget about it Grrrrrr! all the time I was worrying about it and getting upset OH just wanted to pay scrabble.......................................bring on this afternoon and let's see what happens then
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Just a thought, I suddenly rembered those Tipping Dolls, a good symbol for Carers as we cannot afford to be tipped up for too long! Mind they could get crushed, so gentle care is needed.

My tipping point may be the the local health authority, more about that someother time.
Push me too hard and my Tipping ability might bonk them on the nose! :p
I don’t know what the Tipping Dolls are?
My tipping point is almost everything these days! It doesn’t take a lot, and I’m turning into a real misery!
But I do love your final sentence.... brilliant phrase, bonk them on the nose. I say this all the time!
Love B xx
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,825
Tipping dolls are round and weighted. So no limbs, give them a push and they rock, push hard they bounce back hard and can bonk a baby on the nose. Babies used to enjoy these, it made them giggle, simple fun and simple pleasure.
I think I thought of it because someone did something kind, then someone said something that knocked me off balance. These rocking between extremes is a Carers life. Learning to rebalance constantly is quite exhausting. X
 

Rob_E

Registered User
Feb 1, 2015
191
Liverpool
Asking to go home when we are already at home is one I still find difficult to deal with. It's aways after 9:00 pm, about an hour before mum goes to bed.
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,412
South of the Border
Asking to go home when we are already at home is one I still find difficult to deal with. It's aways after 9:00 pm, about an hour before mum goes to bed.
sometimes there just is no answer to what a PWD will ask. When I pause to try and think what answer I can give, he then gets cross that I have not answered him!! I think dementia is a lose lose situation......
 

MaddieJ

Registered User
Sep 1, 2017
47
Asking to go home when we are already at home is one I still find difficult to deal with. It's aways after 9:00 pm, about an hour before mum goes to bed.
Same here. How do you deal with it. have tried the advice of telling him he is safe but it doesn't work. he gets so distressed and I feel so helpess. Tipping point for real !!
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
845
Pratteln Switzerland
Sadly, I find I watch more of the shows than OH does now. I am hooked on all the antiques shows. And spend entirely too much time watching them. I applied to Bargain Hunt to see if I could get on the show with my crazy sister in law from Sheffield. Actually she is now my out law as she divorced my bro in law. But she is still part of the family. But I got no response from them. Boo whoo.
I do like Pointless.....and Tipping Point....no I do not watch that. But as I spend so much more time in front of the TV....it is all fairly Pointless.
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,412
South of the Border
I had several Tipping Points yesterday - it was really not a good day. Lots of things. One which annoys the living daylights out of me, is that he insists on doing his own laundry, separately from mine(!) - his jumpers never get washed, his trousers never get washed, some have not been washed in years, only his socks, underwear and shirts. We do not have a tumble dryer or outside washing line, so laundry goes on an airer till dry. He insists on putting this large airer up in the lobby of our bungalow, right outside the door for the airing cupboard, and leaves it all for days - annoyance factor - I cannot get to anything that is in the airing cupboard, and less so, everyone can see his laundry drying through the glass front door and side window!!


I am trying to stay ahead of the game today, if that can happen.

Quiz Shows

For many years, until last year, in fact, we did not have a television. So these quiz shows are quite new to me. I am only just realising that they have been on for donkeys years. Pointless - oh the first time I saw that, I could not understand what it was all about, and, yes, it was all pointless - but OH enjoys it. His afternoon diet is Tenable ( hate that) Tipping Point ( how much conversation can one have about the position of a counter?) and The Chase - which I enjoy trying to answer the questions to.

Have as good a day as you can.......
 
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tryingmybest

Registered User
May 22, 2015
631
Well somehow this week I'm still hanging on but have been very much teetering on the edge. 3 out of my 6 dogs have been to the vets seriously poorly so as well as having Mum to nurse I've also had the dogs to nurse. Then on Tuesday I became very unwell myself with a flare up of diverticular disease which has been unbelievably painful. At times, I've been doubled over in pain yet have still had to walk the dogs and do everything for Mum who is unable to do anything for herself. It's been a tough week and oh to just have a day off to sleep and recover. Chance would be a fine thing eh? Oh well I will just keep smiling and keep plodding!!
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
673
Devon
I had several Tipping Points yesterday - it was really not a good day. Lots of things. One which annoys the living daylights out of me, is that he insists on doing his own laundry, separately from mine(!) - his jumpers never get washed, his trousers never get washed, some have not been washed in years, only his socks, underwear and shirts. We do not have a tumble dryer or outside washing line, so laundry goes on an airer till dry. He insists on putting this large airer up in the lobby of our bungalow, right outside the door for the airing cupboard, and leaves it all for days - annoyance factor - I cannot get to anything that is in the airing cupboard, and less so, everyone can see his laundry drying through the glass front door and side window!!


I am trying to stay ahead of the game today, if that can happen.

Quiz Shows

For many years, until last year, in fact, we did not have a television. So these quiz shows are quite new to me. I am only just realising that they have been on for donkeys years. Pointless - oh the first time I saw that, I could not understand what it was all about, and, yes, it was all pointless - but OH enjoys it. His afternoon diet is Tenable ( hate that) Tipping Point ( how much conversation can one have about the position of a counter?) and The Chase - which I enjoy trying to answer the questions to.

Have as good a day as you can.......
My day has started badly as my wife has again refuses to wash her hair (5 weeks now) and I lost it and said she is dirty and I’m not putting up with it any more. I can put up with most things....aggressive behaviour, inability to decide on food, me doing all the household stuff but her being dirty, that isn’t easy. I’ve had load of advice but can’t get her into the bathroom for this simplistic activity. I now feel horrible for being angry but somehow justified as I know most people would react the same. When I meet people sometimes and explain they say what a wonderful job I’m doing, she’s lucky to have you, etc. Then I get home and I’m trapped again in this endless round of desperation. I’ve told her she can go on her own to our daughter for Christmas because I don’t want to take a smelly mum anywhere. Nope, doesn’t make any difference. I wish I could just escape and get back to some life of my own. Pigs might fly.
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,412
South of the Border
My day has started badly as my wife has again refuses to wash her hair (5 weeks now) and I lost it and said she is dirty and I’m not putting up with it any more. I can put up with most things....aggressive behaviour, inability to decide on food, me doing all the household stuff but her being dirty, that isn’t easy. I’ve had load of advice but can’t get her into the bathroom for this simplistic activity. I now feel horrible for being angry but somehow justified as I know most people would react the same. When I meet people sometimes and explain they say what a wonderful job I’m doing, she’s lucky to have you, etc. Then I get home and I’m trapped again in this endless round of desperation. I’ve told her she can go on her own to our daughter for Christmas because I don’t want to take a smelly mum anywhere. Nope, doesn’t make any difference. I wish I could just escape and get back to some life of my own. Pigs might fly.
Yes, pigs might as well fly - I did say to my OH that I would open the front door and the conservatory door and then the pigs could do a circuit through the house and out again!
I am sorry that everything is like this for you - and there is no real answer - just to keep trying to convince yourself that the person you are living with is not your wife - even though she looks like her. That's the only way I cope - all the things your wife was in the past, are not there anymore.
It is so monumentally hard to realise, I find, that they are not being deliberately awkward, just that their poor brains do not work anymore.
I think we would all have more sympathy for someone who had been brain damaged in a car accident, or some other way. But because there has never been a cataclysmic event that one can blame - somehow, it is really, really hard to accept that they are not doing any of this on purpose and that they have no choices in what their brains are now telling them.
I am typing this, as much to convince myself as you.

good luck
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
673
Devon
Yes, pigs might as well fly - I did say to my OH that I would open the front door and the conservatory door and then the pigs could do a circuit through the house and out again!
I am sorry that everything is like this for you - and there is no real answer - just to keep trying to convince yourself that the person you are living with is not your wife - even though she looks like her. That's the only way I cope - all the things your wife was in the past, are not there anymore.
It is so monumentally hard to realise, I find, that they are not being deliberately awkward, just that their poor brains do not work anymore.
I think we would all have more sympathy for someone who had been brain damaged in a car accident, or some other way. But because there has never been a cataclysmic event that one can blame - somehow, it is really, really hard to accept that they are not doing any of this on purpose and that they have no choices in what their brains are now telling them.
I am typing this, as much to convince myself as you.

good luck
Yes, you are right I know and what makes it worse is that there is no solution or alternative to the situation. I was asked the other day by her brother how I was getting on and that he didn’t know how I put up with it I said what’s the alternative, I have no choice. One of two things could happen to radically change things .....I die or my wife dies. There, that’s the elephant in the room and I’m ashamed that I even think this way but honestly, hasn’t many thought the same but we care because a large part of us still hold those feelings of tenderness and compassion however hard that is sometimes.
 

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