1. Q&A: Looking after yourself as a carer - Friday 25 January, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of that person will often come before your own, and this can mean that you don't always look after yourself.

    However, it's important for both you and the person you care for. But how do you do that properly?

    Our next expert Q&A will be on looking after yourself as a carer. It will be hosted by Angelo from our Knowledge Services team, who focuses on wellbeing. He'll be answering your questions on Friday 25 January between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

TIPPING POINT

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by maryjoan, Nov 21, 2018.

  1. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    949
    Female
    South of the Border
    Oh Goodness, if its egg shells you are after - do come here. I think the Tesco team doing my grocery shop ( we live rurally and no car) wonder what I do with all the eggs I buy - OH goes through 36 a week, no matter what I say to him - so plenty off egg shells here.
    I tried crushing them last year and putting them on the garden to deter slugs, but the pesky devils just crawled over them,,,,,

    Have a good night
     
  2. Starbright

    Starbright Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    324
    Female
    Bloomin eck that’s a lot of eggs I love eggs but I don’t think I’ve ever eaten that many in a week.:eek::eek:
    A x
     
  3. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    1,225
    Dear Starbright, I feel the same we are constantly stepping into a unknown area with uncertain footing.
    Other people's experiences are helpful but every new experience is such a mix of personalities, abilities and resources of everyone involved.
    This group of illnesses seems to drag up distant memories and reactions that we even when long married have not taken part in.
    Staying in the present, dealing with things as they come up seems the only lifeline we have.

    On TP the practical experiences are brilliant it helps us get through the everchanging legislation and practices beyond our control. The practical tips prepare us, but in the moment we are on our own with our own inner resources.
    When I feel fragile I come on here and read what others are going through, there is a comfort in knowing at least on here we talk the same language.

    Alice xxx
     
  4. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    1,225
    Made me smile MaryJoan, do you have a plumbing kit for intestines too!
     
  5. Dutchman

    Dutchman Registered User

    May 26, 2017
    119
    Today we went to the Supermarket and bought 2 rounds of sandwiches but there 3 already in our fridge. No amount of reasoning will deter her from buying in this way. My daughter phoned last night but has little idea (why would she) of the tiny bit by bit aggravations I experience each day. Why don’t you do this or that she says...if only some of these suggestions were that easy. What I’ve come to realise is that my wife has now no ability to understand and emphasise with my feelings, so when I say I’m upset about something, no compassion, only vacant looks. Expressing our feelings gets us nowhere This increases our loneliness in our relationships.
     
  6. Martarita

    Martarita Registered User

    May 11, 2018
    66
    Ho ,Duchman I really understand what you mean about your daughter,I have the same from my sons they think they understand but no I don't think they do , with the best will in the world they really don't know the extent of what we go through,and yes I understand how lonely it can be when your living with dementia.My thoughts are with you take care
     
  7. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    949
    Female
    South of the Border
    It's like living alone but not alone and that is the loneliest place in the world.
     
  8. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    176
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    That vacant look, that look that says "I haven't a clue what you are saying". Even if I have tears in my eyes my husband doesn't even notice.
     
  9. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    701
    East of England
    I have felt very tearful today and had a cry, no one to talk to who would understand and all because of an email to my husband (on my thread) and I have felt like that all day. He never noticed because I don’t think he looks at me now. I left him resting, went shopping and then for a long nature walk, hugged some trees and felt restored. When I got home he was still in bed so I made tea and then he came down for the evening restlessness.
     
  10. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    949
    Female
    South of the Border
    This is so very true for so many of us - but hugging trees is good. Anything that makes us feel better has to be good. You are doing the right thing, making contact with the outside world. Breathe the fresh air, get cold, get wind blown, actually feel alive.
    I always take a turn around the garden last thing before I go to bed, just to make contact with the outside world. If I need to get up to use the loo in the night, I always stand and look at the night sky and look for stars. I think it is something in us, that makes us want to know that somewhere everything is still as it should be, even if our own homes are distraught.


    My OH dozes all day in front of the TV unless I can talk him into a game of scrabble which takes forever. Otherwise he ignores me.
    Does anyone ever ask themselves if they are really here? I do, I wonder if I am here at all........ is that weird??
     
  11. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,861
    Male
  12. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,861
    Male
    I know what you mean Maryjoan. We can disappear into our OH's dementia world all too easily.

    Sometimes my mind goes so numb that when I'm asked about what is wrong I can only say "everything".

    I like to look out to sea at night as the sea and stars help me to keep in contact with the world.
     
  13. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    701
    East of England
    Life enhancing flowers which also cheered me up. Sadly he would have been with me earlier this year. 2BA6C1B1-61D8-41EA-B39C-A34879DDAB12.jpeg
     
  14. Rosebush

    Rosebush Registered User

    Apr 2, 2018
    813
    They've cheered me up aswell, thank you.
     
  15. gladiola

    gladiola New member

    Jan 3, 2019
    6
     
  16. Starbright

    Starbright Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    324
    Female
    I too was very tearful this morning after a particularly weird night with him and I barely slept mainly because he may fall. After bringing his breakfast to him in bed I fell asleep exhausted then felt guilty about sleeping till 10 am. I feel I’m in some sort of weird dream ((or nightmare)) and soon I will wake up and it’ll all be gone and himself will be here ,as himself and not this person I just cannot fathom.
    Hope we all have a better day tomorrow A x
     
  17. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    1,866
    I know. I still cannot believe that however hard I try, however good I am, oh you know, nothing will improve the outcome. Thank God for you all on here. Kindred.xxxx
     
  18. Starbright

    Starbright Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    324
    Female
    Morning @kindred ...That’s true we just soldier on don’t we...(((here’s a hug))) A x
     
  19. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    949
    Female
    South of the Border
    You can see the sea? How lucky you are. I used to live right by the sea, now I am 20 miles inland, and cannot get to the sea, and there is nothing better than a stormy sea to watch !
     
  20. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    176
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    Sometimes, after a particularly bad day, I might look up at the sky. Then I'll shout out "you might knock me down but you won't keep me down. Bring it on!!!!"
     

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