Thank you Alice.... I had no idea I would feel so bad, so guilty... and suddenly so alone. I got hit with the potential future.He may be trying to reassure you. Trouble is we never know. I feel we see things through our own eyes and our condition and perhaps their once eyes.
I know last week I saw the care home and day centre through my eyes, it really cut me up that my boy was going there even if it was only morning day care, I saw the future possibility.
He however thought it all right, is looking forward to activities and animal visits, he has a wonderful way with dogs.
He was invited in to a man's room, and thought him a funny chap.
So unless something upsets him .............
You are bound to be stressed out. It has been an exceptionally hard time.
Hug yourself from me. love A.
Thank you Shirley, I will try to. I haven’t been sleeping much because it’s really painful in bed. So hopefully tonight I’ve worn myself out. Got to get up at 5! That’s when I will want to sleep!Hi Barbara, just want to say sleep tight tonight and sending love and hugs for tomorrow, take care and get well soon, Shirley xxx
Thank you so much, a lovely welcome post.That sounds like he may be settled enough - take it as that anyway and don't feel guilt etc as there isn't any need @Sad Staffs.
I'll reply to your comment on the respite thread here as I don't want to hijack. We are both fine, there is less stress for me here and no additional confusion for my wife as we've rented the same place for years and follow the same routine. My biggest additional problems are regulating my wife's alcohol intake (her dementia related behaviour goes to a sky high level if she gets drunk) and cringing when she insists on helping with the washing up and tries to use the sponge for the sink/worktops for the crockery!
You will be in my thoughts over the next day or two as you have your surgery. Be gentle with yourself and do what the doctors/nurses tell you.
Thank you so much...
Dear Manc, from one Manc to another! I know exactly how you feel. I have to do everything including thinking for my husband as well as myself. It is exhausting. I can't ask him to do even the simplest task, it is just not worth it. He can't even make a cup of coffe Who would have thought that you could miss someone making you a cup of coffee? Like you I have periods where I bob along ok and periods where I feel ratty, tearful, angry, frustrated and geneally upset, and my husband is definitely worse when I feel like that. I miss the man I was married to and the good life we had. It is just a hard miserable slog now, but there is some comfort in knowing other people have similar experiences and it helps to talk about it on this Forum. People are so understanding and supportive. I hope you feel better for sharing your troubles. Sending you lots of love and a virtual hug. XxHi B, Not stupid at all. Spot on and as if you wrote every line about how I feel, thank you. After a fairly (in our life) calm period I’ve been struggling for a few days with a total lack of patience and feeling irritable, angry and hopeless which in turn makes my other half worse - maybe to get my attention back on him. Then today I’m back to being beyond sad and upset, he is just frightened and frustrated and wants to be ‘the man he was’. Oh how I miss him too. I don’t need much, I want him to go fill the car up, buy a few bits of shopping and come home and say he’ll make the dinner tonight before we get ready and go to the cinema/theatre/pub, actually making just one decision would do.
I’m thinking about you and sending love and a hug S xx
Oh my darling girl, what a thing to happen. He phoned you and was proud he had been to the toilet, I am so so pleased. It certainly does mean he is OK and trying to reassure precious you. Surgery now. So well done for that incredibly hard step sweetheart.Well.... that was the worst thing I have done in the past 43 years.
It wasn’t the taking, it was the leaving.
Leaving him surrounded by people whose dementia appears so much more advanced, he just didn’t look like he belonged.
He looked so lost, so aware of what I was doing to him.
I stayed, got his case unpacked, talked to a couple of residents. There are only two male residents. Then we did the admin side for the care he needs.
I left and I got to Sainsbury’s and I was almost hysterical.
I felt so guilty, so lost without him, I just don’t want him there even if it is for my own good. I hope my surgery tomorrow goes well and I recover quickly so I can get him home.
Got home, went in the shower and my mobile went off.
Dripped over the carpet, grabbed phone, and it was him!
He was very proud that he’d been to the toilet with what he called a professional care person. Was he saying I’m not!
He said he had met one of the resident men, shook hands with him!
So, does this mean he is ok?
Early days yet, but I feel so much better now than I did 4 hours ago.
Now for my surgery.....
Love B xx
Oh my darlingTo everyone who has wished me well following my surgery.... thank you for being there for me. I’m home, I’m tired, I’m on crutches, but most of all I’m missing my husband.
My operation appears to have gone well. Only time will tell if the pain is reduced. I won’t know until clips are removed and following a few weeks of physio which will start in 4 weeks.
I had no idea how impossible it is to get around the house on crutches when you don’t have anyone to carry your cup of tea, or your dinner, set the alarms before they activate. My goodness, so many things that my husband would have done for me, but he isn’t here.
I speak to him half a dozen times a day. He isn’t happy, but he has settled better than I expected (you were so right @kindred). He isn’t really socialising with the residents, but he is having his meals, and that is his choice, with them. And he is getting a lot of support, help and interaction with the staff. He is very happy with them. I won’t be going to see him, it’s difficult with crutches and pain, but we have extended phone calls, so he knows I am ok, and it is lovely to just hear his voice.
So now to get myself better so my husband can come home, where he should be. Thank you everyone for all your kind thoughts and support.
With love, B xx
Oh my dearest, welcome home! You have done so well. so good you can speak to him half a dozen times a day too. Of course it's so lovely to hear his voice. Of course you are missing him. Beloved man. Well done, sweetheart, through this part of it and onwards. with all love, and so well done, GeraldinexxxTo everyone who has wished me well following my surgery.... thank you for being there for me. I’m home, I’m tired, I’m on crutches, but most of all I’m missing my husband.
My operation appears to have gone well. Only time will tell if the pain is reduced. I won’t know until clips are removed and following a few weeks of physio which will start in 4 weeks.
I had no idea how impossible it is to get around the house on crutches when you don’t have anyone to carry your cup of tea, or your dinner, set the alarms before they activate. My goodness, so many things that my husband would have done for me, but he isn’t here.
I speak to him half a dozen times a day. He isn’t happy, but he has settled better than I expected (you were so right @kindred). He isn’t really socialising with the residents, but he is having his meals, and that is his choice, with them. And he is getting a lot of support, help and interaction with the staff. He is very happy with them. I won’t be going to see him, it’s difficult with crutches and pain, but we have extended phone calls, so he knows I am ok, and it is lovely to just hear his voice.
So now to get myself better so my husband can come home, where he should be. Thank you everyone for all your kind thoughts and support.
With love, B xx
Hi @rhubarbtreeHi SadStaffs,
Glad your op went well and you are home. Coping on crutches sounds hard. Said we would compare respite experiences. Mine is very different to yours. My OH has settled extremely well, has not questioned why he is there or missed home with me. He looked slightly pleased to see me when I visited but was not bothered when I got ready to leave. The house does feel empty and purposeless without him around and my meal/bed times are erratic.
Look after yourself.
Good to hear from you... I’m listening to the waves lapping on that beach you walked on this morning!I'm so glad the op went well @Sad Staffs.
Please forgive me for having a wry smile at the thought of you trying to carry a cup of tea while using crutches.
In my apartment the kitchen is so compact that I could park myself in the middle to make and consume all meals and drinks. I do hope you manage to care for yourself.
Just a thought. Could you ask someone to put a stool or similar in the kitchen so that you can perch on it to make some tea and then drink it? Alternatively get someone to make a flask of tea and have it where you normally sitThe impossible bit is the cup of tea. Can’t do that one. Have to wait for a visitor or go without!