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Who has stolen my husband?

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
No, not a misery, just a caring person needing a bit of care.
If you see a bit of dust floating about that could be me floating around to be there with you in spirit!
I have found when in hospital it is like a child conveyer belt. You get on and it takes you where it will.
I am sure the air is sprayed with bromide! I get a strange feeling of acceptance. It will soon be over and you will be on the recovery road. Xxx
Well, I think there must be lots of you floating round today as I’ve just changed the bed.
But Alice, thank you so much, it is a really lovely thought and I know you will be with me.
I look forward to talking to you very soon.
Thank you for all your warm, wise and comforting words.
Love B xx
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Hi B, been thinking of you today hope you are ok I know you are worried about OH i n respite but if he is anything like my OH he was fine when I wasn't there, seems it worried me more than him also I was dreading sleeping in the house on my own because I never had, but it was no where as bad as I thought it would be in fact I slept like a log, maybe I just needed a few days break, I will keep in touch by text when you are in hospital . Make sure you look after yourself. Love Lxxx
Hi L, thank you for your message, and I look forward to keeping in touch by text. I hope you are ok?
I’m hoping I will be surprised by his acceptance of the care home, and will surprise me by being sociable! That sounds awful, but he has never been known for being the most sociable person in the family!
I’m a real ninny! Sleeping on my own I get frightened. Alarms on, OCD with doors etc. I leave lights on everywhere. No wonder I struggle sleeping! Where we live is very high up, we have brilliant views but the downside is the wind, and you’ve guessed... I’m frightened of the wind! So it will be ear plugs, tramadol, hot water bottle, alarms, sleepy socks and lights! My husband has always said I should grow up, but I’m not going to change now! Thank goodness it isn’t spider season.... fingers crossed!!
Look forward to being in touch by text soon.
Thinking about you and hoping all going ok with you?
With love, B xx
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Hi @Sad Staffs I have been following your post and just want to wish you well for Monday, You have done the best you can possibly do with some difficult decisions but now is the time to look after yourself first. I am sure that your husband can do without you for a couple of weeks. Wishing you well and please take advantage and take time for a well earned rest.
That is so lovely of you, thank you.
I feel I have made some lovely friends on here. We may never meet, but it is so touching that people on here really care for each other.
With love, B xx
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Hi sadstaffs just logged in while I have two minutes to wish you well for the next couple of weeks. Hope the op goes well and I know it’s hard but try not to worry about your OH, they will look after him and he might enjoy the extra attention. Try to relax after the op when feeling lonely in the house just get on TP. Lots of love S xxx
Thank you S for your lovely caring post. I’m really touched that people care.
You are right, I think he might like the extra attention. Well, we will soon find out!
Once I have got him settled, then I can start to worry about myself. Haven’t had the time or inclination to do that yet, but not long now.
I hope to speak to you again soon, take care, with love B xx
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,177
South coast
Hi Staffs, I havent been on for several days as OH has had a week of appointments, but hes having an afternoon nap now, so I thought Id pop in to wish you luck with tomorrow and for your op.
xx
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Hi Staffs, I havent been on for several days as OH has had a week of appointments, but hes having an afternoon nap now, so I thought Id pop in to wish you luck with tomorrow and for your op.
xx
I hope all of your appointments worked out and have been useful/helpful for your husband?

I put the tv on during the day as I know he will doze off and I get a bit of peace! I want a £5 note for every time he says ‘can I talk to you’. I’d have a nice little nest egg! Trouble is, when I say yes, he’s forgotten what he wants to say!

I love him today, wish he was like it every day, he is so calm, quiet, smiling, caring.... he’s my husband! It’s days like today I wonder what is going on, how bad is his dementia, does he really need to go into respite next week. Then I just took him to change his pad and he forgets he has to pull his pants down!

Oh well.... keeps me on my toes! Or it would if I wasn’t in so much pain!
Thank you for your kind words, it’s good to hear from you.
Take care of yourself, Love B xx
 

vernon

Registered User
Jul 24, 2014
17
north west
Paid for the refurbished shower room Saturday.
So, yesterday my husband said he didn’t think the toilet was right. He flushed before I could stop him, and it’s ALL backing up!
Luckily we have another loo in bathroom.
But this has caused major upset, distress and confusion for my husband. The shower room has been done to meet his needs, now he is confused as to where he can go and what he can do where.
I’m trying to get things together for him going into care home on Monday for two weeks, and me to hospital on Tuesday.
There is so much to do, but I can’t do it as he just wants me to be there by his side all day and night.
He’s just gone quiet, dozing, peace for me to write down my thoughts.
But it was easier looking after my children. At least I could sit them down with toys, or the tv, and tell them to leave me alone. They were so much easier to occupy than my husband who is only interested in me. He doesn’t read, not interested in the tv, just sits looking out of the window.
I should be pleased that he is so obsessed with me... but, my goodness, it’s hard work living the life of him and me.
I find it helpful to write down how I feel.
TP is all I have.
I can’t tell anyone else the truth about how I really feel.
Thank you TP readers for being there for me....
Love B xx
 

vernon

Registered User
Jul 24, 2014
17
north west
not sure what and where i should be typing this reply but i will progress....... loved your thoughts on easier looking after children than OH! shopping is the worst thing we do together, i feel he should be sitting in the trolley rather than breathing heavily over my shoulder telling me what to buy, usually because the package is brightly coloured! follows me everywhere and never sits down. cant use the tv remote, phone or ipad. so sad that i have had to give our young dog to my son for now, i miss her so much but he was always leaving the gate open or the back door and i was becoming neurotic about her being on the road.
i feel so much better having read through many of your posts tonight in the knowledge that i am not alone in the decision making.
hope all goes well Sad staffs.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,737
Chester
In case I don't get a chance to post I hope all goes well over the next few days. Well done for sorting out his stuff, but don't forget yours. Domestic nice magazines or books to read, music to listen to puzzle books etc.
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
not sure what and where i should be typing this reply but i will progress....... loved your thoughts on easier looking after children than OH! shopping is the worst thing we do together, i feel he should be sitting in the trolley rather than breathing heavily over my shoulder telling me what to buy, usually because the package is brightly coloured! follows me everywhere and never sits down. cant use the tv remote, phone or ipad. so sad that i have had to give our young dog to my son for now, i miss her so much but he was always leaving the gate open or the back door and i was becoming neurotic about her being on the road.
i feel so much better having read through many of your posts tonight in the knowledge that i am not alone in the decision making.
hope all goes well Sad staffs.
Thank you for your post.... we are all in this very big boat, trying to keep it from sinking, but it has a permanent leak.
I can’t help but find it irritating the way he won’t leave me alone. Always checking where I am, what I am doing, even if I’m on the loo. I have to leave door open so he can see me. If I make a slight noise, he will shout are you alright. All the time!
When I change his pads he complains forcefully about my face and head in his way, like I can take them off. His elbows and arms always smacking me by accident in my face, but he doesn’t know he’s doing that. At least I hope he doesn’t!
It’s all so hard isn’t it?
He’s panicking now that he can’t remember what he has to do when he gets out of bed. Will the staff in the care home look after him as I do? In truth that might be my fault as I do everything, tell him step by step what he and I do. He can’t remember that, but he can talk about things in the news, and they make sense!
I’m so sorry about your dog. I can feel for you, she was uncomplicated love and loyalty.
Please keep in touch and let me know how you are.
I know these posts help me, I feel so many of you care.... we care about each other.
Love B xx
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
In case I don't get a chance to post I hope all goes well over the next few days. Well done for sorting out his stuff, but don't forget yours. Domestic nice magazines or books to read, music to listen to puzzle books etc.
Excellent thought...
After I have dropped him at care home and got him settled tomorrow afternoon, I will go to Sainsbury’s and get magazines, puzzler, and some ready cook meals for one.
In truth I think I will be bereft, he is so unhappy, worrying about everything, I could well make a spectacle of myself in tears. Hopefully I will hang on until I get home.
I think he was crying in bed last night, and he was very upset and confused when I got up this morning.
Is there ever going to be a happy carefree time again in our lives?
Thank you for your kind words, I look forward to talking to you again,
Love B xx
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,737
Chester
Domestic should have read some! I was sat in a hotel toilet so I didn't disturb my sleeping son. Post a few G &Ts as well.

It is a while since I was in hospital but I do remember when I had day procedures needing magazines to glance at to alleviate the boredom.

I shop online from sainsburys and if you spend £40 some delivery slots are only a £1 if you are stuck in post op. Loo roll can be purchased to make it up to that.

I shop online as juggling kids evening activities and work leaves little time.
 

GinnyJan

Registered User
Jan 20, 2018
48
Just a quick line to wish you well tomorrow B. I know it's easier said than done but try not to worry. I'm sure your husband will relish the attention from all the nice nurses and they will cope admirably with any teething troubles.
Take care of yourself and enjoy the break from routine. Get well quickly xx
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Just a quick line to wish you well tomorrow B. I know it's easier said than done but try not to worry. I'm sure your husband will relish the attention from all the nice nurses and they will cope admirably with any teething troubles.
Take care of yourself and enjoy the break from routine. Get well quickly xx
Thank you for thinking about me.
It’s a bit tough so far today. Yesterday wes calm, quiet, and how I wished he and we were like that all the time.
But he had a bad night. I think he was crying.

Then this morning he couldn’t remember how to get out of bed. He’s so full of insecurities. He’s panicking about everything to do with the home, because I am always there supporting him,and he realises that I won’t be there. He even had a panic because he hadn’t got an alarm clock.

The main worry for him, and for me if I’m honest, is how they will handle him and his incontinence. He’s always been so private and proud. Now he will have various people he doesn’t know dealing with his most intimate matters.

I haven’t given any thought to me going into hospital. It’s as if it’s not happening. I know that once I have him in the care home, my surgery is going to smack me in the face. Not sure how I would be handling all this without you kind and generous people.
Thank you, love B xx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,411
Thank you for thinking about me.
It’s a bit tough so far today. Yesterday wes calm, quiet, and how I wished he and we were like that all the time.
But he had a bad night. I think he was crying.

Then this morning he couldn’t remember how to get out of bed. He’s so full of insecurities. He’s panicking about everything to do with the home, because I am always there supporting him,and he realises that I won’t be there. He even had a panic because he hadn’t got an alarm clock.

The main worry for him, and for me if I’m honest, is how they will handle him and his incontinence. He’s always been so private and proud. Now he will have various people he doesn’t know dealing with his most intimate matters.

I haven’t given any thought to me going into hospital. It’s as if it’s not happening. I know that once I have him in the care home, my surgery is going to smack me in the face. Not sure how I would be handling all this without you kind and generous people.
Thank you, love B xx
My darling, I know, I really do. Believe me, the staff will handle him gently and with dignity, it's what they do. Most of the residents will be incontinent, or at least a large proportion of them. Most of those residents have been private and proud, of course they have. It's who we are, isn't it. The staff know this.
Try and get through the night sweetheart, both of you. Little by little this will get easier, I absolutely promise. with all my love, Geraldinexxxx
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
My darling, I know, I really do. Believe me, the staff will handle him gently and with dignity, it's what they do. Most of the residents will be incontinent, or at least a large proportion of them. Most of those residents have been private and proud, of course they have. It's who we are, isn't it. The staff know this.
Try and get through the night sweetheart, both of you. Little by little this will get easier, I absolutely promise. with all my love, Geraldinexxxx
Thank you, always.
I hope Keith has recovered from his fall? So upsetting for you both and for your son.
I’m just writing a sheet of paper, a sort of diary, for him so that he can cross the days off.
Is that a good idea? I’m losing the will to think things through!!
I’m doing his favourite dinner, my Mom would be mortified!
Sunday dinner, sausages and chips!!
Who cares.... it’s what he likes
With love to you, B xx
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,807
Bless you, it is always hard to leave someone we love in the hands of others. I was a nervous wreck sending our youngest to school. She came home happy and I had not settled to anything!
A friend's husband went into respite, his biggest complaint?
They did better caring than she!
Of course if it were my husband I would feel the same as you!

I tried to send a private conversation but it did not work for me.
Never mind, just take care of yourself. My motto is 'everything passes'.
These words comforted me when I was in hospital pretty ill.
Not sure where they came from but it was a strong thought I will never forget.

We will all be thinking of you. Xxx
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Bless you, it is always hard to leave someone we love in the hands of others. I was a nervous wreck sending our youngest to school. She came home happy and I had not settled to anything!
A friend's husband went into respite, his biggest complaint?
They did better caring than she!
Of course if it were my husband I would feel the same as you!

I tried to send a private conversation but it did not work for me.
Never mind, just take care of yourself. My motto is 'everything passes'.
These words comforted me when I was in hospital pretty ill.
Not sure where they came from but it was a strong thought I will never forget.

We will all be thinking of you. Xxx
Hi Alice
I’ve tried messaging, you might get an email! Who knows, I’m not good with technology. I’m a switch it off switch it back on, and hope it works, kind of person!!
I’m sure my husband will be ok, it’s just hard leaving him and walking away. It makes me feel unkind.
For me the two weeks will drag thinking about him. For my husband I think the time will gallop by as he will have so many people around. He’s not used to that and I’m hoping we will both be pleasantly surprised.
Please take care of yourself Alice,
with love, Barbara xx
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Well.... that was the worst thing I have done in the past 43 years.
It wasn’t the taking, it was the leaving.
Leaving him surrounded by people whose dementia appears so much more advanced, he just didn’t look like he belonged.
He looked so lost, so aware of what I was doing to him.

I stayed, got his case unpacked, talked to a couple of residents. There are only two male residents. Then we did the admin side for the care he needs.
I left and I got to Sainsbury’s and I was almost hysterical.
I felt so guilty, so lost without him, I just don’t want him there even if it is for my own good. I hope my surgery tomorrow goes well and I recover quickly so I can get him home.

Got home, went in the shower and my mobile went off.
Dripped over the carpet, grabbed phone, and it was him!
He was very proud that he’d been to the toilet with what he called a professional care person. Was he saying I’m not!

He said he had met one of the resident men, shook hands with him!
So, does this mean he is ok?

Early days yet, but I feel so much better now than I did 4 hours ago.
Now for my surgery.....
Love B xx
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,807
He may be trying to reassure you. Trouble is we never know. I feel we see things through our own eyes and our condition and perhaps their once eyes.
I know last week I saw the care home and day centre through my eyes, it really cut me up that my boy was going there even if it was only morning day care, I saw the future possibility.
He however thought it all right, is looking forward to activities and animal visits, he has a wonderful way with dogs.
He was invited in to a man's room, and thought him a funny chap.
So unless something upsets him .............
You are bound to be stressed out. It has been an exceptionally hard time.
Hug yourself from me. love A.