Welcome to Talking Point - introduce yourself here

[Mark_W]

Welcome to Talking Point

This thread is for all our new members to say hello and tell us a little bit about yourself. For example, about your connection to dementia and your reasons for joining.

Just click on the blue "Reply to Thread" button above this post, type your message and click the blue "Post Reply" button to make your first post.

If you've got questions about how to use Talking Point click on these links below.

• You can find answers to frequently asked questions here.
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If you just want to know how to post your own thread please read on.

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Firstly click this link to see a list of our forums: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk

Then scroll down and chose the most appropriate forum by clicking on it's name.



When you're in a forum, click on the blue "Post New Thread" button.



Then, type a title, add your message and click 'Create Thread'.



Posting on a big screen
(Click on the images to enlarge them)

Firstly click this link to see a list of our forums: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk

Then scroll down and chose the most appropriate forum by clicking on it's name.



When you're in a forum, click on the blue "Post New Thread" button.



Then, type a title, add your message and click 'Create Thread'.



If you have any questions about using the forum, please don't hesitate to contact the Talking Point team as we're here to help.

We hope you find Talking Point helpful.

 

[Foxymoo]

Hi, hoping to speak to people in same position as myself. My Dad was diagnosed 18 month ago with Alzheimer's. Since his driving license wasn't renewed in Jan this year he seems to have gone downhill and has no motivation to leave the house. I can't get him to go anywhere and can see him getting more depressed. But my main issue is how nasty my man is being to him. I know it's hard for her but she complains to us about him constantly, seems embarrassed by him and pulls him up on everything he says or does even when its obvious he is trying to help, i know she understands what is happening and I have given her leaflets and books which she says she has read. She doesn't want any benefits claims going in or doesn't want any involvement from local groups etc. Not yet anyway. The memory matters group turn up once a year to assess him. I really want to raise my concerns with my mam but don't want to cause any stress when she is obviously struggling anyway. She has a good social life away from home which should help. Any advice anyone??

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Foxymoo, welcome to TP.

Dealing with someone with dementia 24/7 can be very stressful and this may be why your mum is behaving like this. We can't change the irritations but we can change our behaviour to them. There's a very good thread about communication that may be worth printing down for your mum and here's a link to it https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

 

[Foxymoo]

Thanks so much. I will do that now

 

[cas123]

Hi, my mum has recently been diagnosed with Dementia mild to moderate, I feel all over the place dealing with this, and not sure half the time if I am doing right for wrong with her. She is 79 years old, and has always been very dependant on my and my brother and two sisters, but she really relies on me mostly, as I live the nearest, I see her on a daily basis and sort out shopping and things in the house for her , I also work full time. My brother and sisters are all good and help as much as they can specifically my brother who looks after other aspects for mum. Sadly my dad passed away several years ago so mum has been on her own for a long time, and has not been one for socializing outside the home or family , albeit we have all offered to take her to clubs etc. I can see my mum getting worse. We are awaiting a brain scan for her now, and she has several other medical conditions to content with , so its hard on her, but she flatly refuses to believe she has any dementia at all , and I am not sure how to go about this, as she gets upset if we mention this to her.

 

[canary]

Hello @cas123 and welcome to Talking Point

Its an emotional roller coaster when someone you love is first diagnosed with dementia and it feels like a very steep learning curve.
Unfortunately, many (most?) people with dementia lose the ability to understand that they have something wrong with them - its not denial, its a little talked about symptom of dementia called anosognosia. My mum has this and it sounds like yours does too. Its no good trying to persuade them, because to them they know there is nothing wrong, so they will just get angry if you try and suggest that there is. Fortunately, my mum would grudgingly agree that she had some memory problems, so I never mentioned the D word to her - just vaguely referred to her "memory problems"

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @cas123, welcome to TP from me too. I hope you find this a friendly, informative and supportive place.
When it comes to communicating with people with dementia a very useful thread with lots of tips can be found by following this link https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

As to yourself, in case you haven't found it yet, there is a great list of informative AS Publications that can be found by following this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

Social interaction is important for people with dementia, so if you can get your mum out of the house some of your local services may be of use. You can do a post code search for what's available by following this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

Do have a good look around the site and keep posting with any questions or observations, or even just to vent feelings.

 

[Percycat]

Good evening my name is Phil i am 52 and have just been diagnosed with Frontal Temporal Dementia, it's taken a year to get to this stage. I am now torn between do i carry on in my stressful management job, or do i opt for something less and top up with benefits? Everyone says its up to me but i cannot make a decision that is balanced is so difficult with FTD. The only blessing i managed to get a good doctor.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Percycat
a warm welcome to TP
I'm pleased to hear that you have a good doctor, it really helps to have a medic you trust
as for your work, I think I'd take some time to weigh up all the various options - might be worth looking into early retirement due to health, but that will depend on what pension scheme you have organised and it's rules - and also consider what is best for your own peace of mind - I cared for my dad and took my pension early; less money but my house is paid for and I get by (never was bothered about fancy holidays) so I am content
start your own thread when you're ready and folk will pop in to share ideas and experiences

 

[Percycat]

hello @Percycat
a warm welcome to TP
I'm pleased to hear that you have a good doctor, it really helps to have a medic you trust
as for your work, I think I'd take some time to weigh up all the various options - might be worth looking into early retirement due to health, but that will depend on what pension scheme you have organised and it's rules - and also consider what is best for your own peace of mind - I cared for my dad and took my pension early; less money but my house is paid for and I get by (never was bothered about fancy holidays) so I am content
start your own thread when you're ready and folk will pop in to share ideas and experiences

Thank you so much for your reply very good advice thanks again Philip

 

[Fgreg]

Hi Everyone. Newbie here. My Mother in Law has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and Vascular Dementia. My husband and I have lived with her for a few years now and recently we have seen a huge deterioration, although she thinks there is nothing wrong. She blames my husband(her son) and says it’s stress. If she is having a bad day she will find him to pick on him, at times she really is horrible but only to him. I guess this is common.
I think we are in for a tough few months one way or another. Driving is a huge issue. She drove into town the other day but came home on the bus. She forgot she had driven in. My husband had to go and look round all the car parks with the key fob to find the car.
Money is another issue. She calls the bank many times a day, talks to the automated service like they are human and transfers money into Grandchildtens accounts like it’s nothing. Then forgets and does it again.
She is fiercely independent and very stubborn.
These are only a couple of things we need to deel with as newbies. I’m sure there will be many more to come. It will be great to refer here for help at times.

 

[member74974]

Hi Fgreg,

Sorry to hear what your going through. My mother-in-law had vascular dementia. It’s hard.

You’ll find lots of help, comfort and good advice here.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Fgreg, welcome to TP. I hope you find this a friendly, informative and supportive place.

Unfortunately all that you outline is, as you suggest, very common.

Do keep posting, especially if you have any questions and have a good look around the site. I found a good place to start was the publications list and in case you haven't found it yet, here's a link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

 

[Helly68]

Driving is very hard. You may want to speak to your doctor and get them to suggest to her that she gives up driving. This can sometimes be better received as advice from a doctor.
As far as money goes, do you have Power of Attorney? If not, may be good to get it if she is agreeable then you have some control over finances.

 

[Canim93]

Hello,
My dad has recently been diagnosed and also has diabetes. I knew deep down but it was hard hearing it from the professionals involved. Hearing the changes every day is hard for us as a family and also for dad.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Canim93
a warm welcome to TP
receiving the diagnosis is never easy; it brings family face to face with something no-one wants to look in the eye
it's good that you've arrived here as there's much support, sympathy and shared knowledge readily available
so settle in, have a mooch round and start a thread of your own when you're ready

 

[Canim93]

hello @Canim93
a warm welcome to TP
receiving the diagnosis is never easy; it brings family face to face with something no-one wants to look in the eye
it's good that you've arrived here as there's much support, sympathy and shared knowledge readily available
so settle in, have a mooch round and start a thread of your own when you're ready

@Shedrech thank you.

 

[Amethyst59]

Hello, @Canim93, welcome to Talking Point. It can be a horrible shock to get a diagnosis, but on the other hand it lets you know what you are all dealing with. Your dad is lucky to have a caring family and, as you read other threads, you will find the members are a great source of information and support. You can ask any questions you have, or just share your worries.

 

[bywhacky]

hello, I have just had a mocca test and scored 11/30 which I am told is not good. I am now awating follow up appt after an Mri and bloods. Naturally I am scared and worried, A also had a stroke like epidsode in feb this year that led to wipe out of 15 years of my life, alot of which is still missing.

 

[Amethyst59]

hello, I have just had a mocca test and scored 11/30 which I am told is not good. I am now awating follow up appt after an Mri and bloods. Naturally I am scared and worried, A also had a stroke like epidsode in feb this year that led to wipe out of 15 years of my life, alot of which is still missing.

Hello, welcome to Talking Point. It sounds like you are very worried..and with reason, but hopefully once you have all the tests and know what you are dealing with, it will all seem more manageable. There are many members on Talking Point who have a diagnosis, and a lot of members who are experienced carers, so if you have any specific questions or worries then please share them. I’m not saying we are experts, but between us we have a lot of experience. Sometimes though, Talking Point is not about getting questions answered, but a place to reach out and make contact with someone who knows how you feel.