Welcome to Talking Point - introduce yourself here

[karaokePete]

Hi my names chrissie have recently had to put my mum in a home i am finding to hard to deal with the guilt

Hello and welcome to TP.

Guilt is a common reaction to this and has to be put into the context of knowing that your mum is now in a safe place where she should get the level of care she needs.

If it would help you, don’t hesitate to contact the experts on the help line, details as follows

National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm

You may get some value out of the AS publications that can be found by following this link

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

 

[Jale]

Hi everyone,
I've been hovering around for some time now and thought it would now be a good idea and join in. I care for my mum (with some help from my brother, but won't go into that yet) and also my hubby. We first noticed problems with Mum's memory in November 2014 when my dad was ill and at first we thought it may have been down to the stress that she was under. Dad sadly passed away in 2015 and really that was when things really went downhill.

Mum has certainly got worst now over the last 6 months or so and from reading other peoples posts I think she is probably in the later stages of dementia. We are having our ups and downs and at the moment it feels like more downs than ups, and although my brother lives with mum it seems to fall onto my shoulders to do whatever needs to be done

 

[chris53]

Good evening Jale, welcome to Talking Point, much support and understanding here,whenever you need to talk. So sorry you seem to be overwhelmed at the moment,it sounds like your brother is finding it difficult,as mum may have different needs now,hoping your brother will have a re-assessment done as soon as possible by social services to try to get extra help put into place, which in turn may make life just that little bit easier,not only for mum but for you and your family.
Take care
Chris

 

[Daffers91]

Hi, my first time on this forum. I lost my mum 4 months ago and around the same time her partner of 17 years was diagnosed with vascular dementia. As he has no close family I am now his main carer. We've worked through things together and have got some support in place but I'm really struggling with maintaining his independence to go out on his scooter against the safety aspect. I've been out with him and he has has lots of near misses although he doesn't recognise this and feels he's perfectly safe. Without the scooter he would have to rely on me or volunteers as he doesn't have friends that would visit. It's been ok as mum used to support him a lot ( I didn't realise how much) and I've been on a career break but I am looking to return to full time work and I worry what will happen to him.

 

[karaokePete]

Hi, my first time on this forum. I lost my mum 4 months ago and around the same time her partner of 17 years was diagnosed with vascular dementia. As he has no close family I am now his main carer. We've worked through things together and have got some support in place but I'm really struggling with maintaining his independence to go out on his scooter against the safety aspect. I've been out with him and he has has lots of near misses although he doesn't recognise this and feels he's perfectly safe. Without the scooter he would have to rely on me or volunteers as he doesn't have friends that would visit. It's been ok as mum used to support him a lot ( I didn't realise how much) and I've been on a career break but I am looking to return to full time work and I worry what will happen to him.

Hello, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum supportive.

You have a lot happening so I'm glad you found the forum as this is a friendly place.

Getting a person with dementia 'off the road' is often difficult as they have lost the ability to see their 'actual' position. Often members have to resort to reporting the person to the DVLA as it is a safety concern to themselves and others. The DVLA and Insurers have to be informed of a diagnosis anyway. Some members have had to then hide or sell vehicles to prevent their use.

You may find the publications list a useful resource for info and you can find the list by following this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

 

[Oscar2]

Hi need advice about a Mca assessment.

 

[karaokePete]

Hi need advice about a Mca assessment.

Hello and welcome to the Forum.

Do you mean an assessment for MCI?

If so is there a specific question you wish to ask.

On a general basis, you can read a Factsheet about assessment by clicking the following link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites...nloads/factsheet_assessment_and_diagnosis.pdf

 

[Cat27]

Hi need advice about a Mca assessment.

Welcome to TP @Oscar2
I think you may find this helpful https://www.scie.org.uk/mca

 

[nice marmot]

Hi first time on the forum as a member. My dad has reached the stage when I finally think he needs proper care - ie. move into a home. I know this is a hard decision for anyone, and it's breaking my heart - I know so many people have been through this before. I want to be certain I'm doing the right thing but of course it's so individual! Anyway, feeling very low, guilty etc, so decided this was the right time to take part with the community.

 

[nae sporran]

Welcome to TP, @nice marmot. You will find plenty of understanding and support on here. We are all going through the battles with guilt and heartbreak.
When you are ready to write more or get advise please feel free to post on "I care for someone with Dementia ".

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @nice marmot, welcome from me too.

In case it may help with your decision making, you can follow this link to find an AS Factsheet about this issue https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites...downloads/factsheet_selecting_a_care_home.pdf

 

[Unconditional love]

Firstly I would like to say thank you for accepting me to the forum.

My husband has recently been diagnosed with mild vascular dementia I will try to take you through the stages of concern he seemed slightly forgetful a year or so ago and spoke to our practice nurse who done the basic memory questions and although he couldn’t remember names addresses etc that he was asked to do so in the test I personally wasn’t concerned because he has never had a really good memory so nothing came of that appointment then we had a night where he was totally confused again booked an appointment with dr and was reassured this was down to side affects of medication so again I felt relieved then quite a while later we had another bad night of confusion again dr’s appointment this time dr asked the basic memory questions from which she then decided that it might be a good idea for him to have a full memory test, after the memory test we were told there and then that the results lead to mild vascular dementia and the report that followed confirmed that and advised about LPOA.

We have updated our wills, financially everything is in joint names and have talked about LPOA for health, my husband has taken the decision not to drive anymore.

I think he has deteriorated in a short space of time today for instance was confused with time thinking morning was night as in hours along with other instances.

I am just amazed that our dr would have received the memory test result/ report and we have not had any contact from them I just feel at a loss as to where I go for support, I have completed the council tax disregard form and taken it to dr’s surgery for dr to sign but feeling doubtful she will because diagnosis is MILD vascular dementia.

So this has been so long drawn out but hoping someone might be able to advise our next step as family and friends seem to have dwindled.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Unconditional love, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum a friendly, informative and supportive place.

Your experience with the GP is similar to my own, in that I have to ask for copies of reports and results of scans relating to my wife.

You describe your husband’s dementia as mild. Unfortunately it is a progressive disease so it’s good that you are getting you financial affairs in order. That’s the first thing my wife and I did too.

If you want to do some reading on this vast subject you can find the AS Publications list by following this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

Also, you can use a post code search for support services in your area by using this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

Unfortunately it’s somewhat common to become isolated in the world of dementia but now that you have found the forum please keep posting and you can use this forum to start new threads with questions etc
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/i-have-a-partner-with-dementia.69/

 

[nellbelles]

A warm welcome from me as well @Unconditional love
I found a local carers group was another useful source of help and also your local Alzheimer’s society
I quite agree when the diagnosis is made you are rather left on your own, you could ask your GP for a referral to a CPN.

 

[nellbelles]

Hello @Dadsworld welcome to TP

That sounds a very difficult situation, but in my honest opinion I don’t think you can stop her inheriting unless your Dads will says otherwise, maybe you should see a solicitor for more advice

 

[archiebald]

Hi I am new to this forum my husband has Alzheimers he was diagnosed 3 years ago he is now 60 as with everyone in same position the day we got his diagnosis our hearts fell apart .My hubby was a very caring gentle good natured man we had a good life soul mates now I am his carer our dreams for retirement shattered I was also a carer for my mum inlaw 4 years ago so unfortunately I know exactly whats ahead as she had alzheimers and went into care she died last year she was 82 things have moved quickly for my hubby his speech he cant at times put sentences together and I cant understand what he is trying to say so thats frustrating for him he needs help dressing toileting washing we manage but recently I am very short tempered and hate myself for it I am so angry at the condition not him I need to stop I try but at least once a day or more I loose my patience it wasnt like that with his mum I had more patience with her then again I wasnt with her 24/7 I retired last year to be with my man wish I had done it when he was first diagnosed I feel such a bad person at getting annoyed he says sorry then I tell him its not his fault I am the one whos sorry then we hug each other he still tells me he loves me as I him just wish my heart didnt hurt so much if this is how I feel god knows how he must feel ....sorry for going on but I know most will relate and understand how can I get the anger to stop

 

[Izzy]

Hello @archiebald and welcome to the forum.

I’m so sorry to read of your situation. No wonder you feel angry. It’s so sad that you’re both facing this. Don’t feel guilty -, easy to say, I know. A lot of what you say reminds me of how I was with my own husband. Sheer frustration and sadness can just sometimes get the better of us.

I’m glad you’ve found this forum. There will always be someone here to listen to you and understand. As well as being a great place to get ideas and support it’s also a great place just to have a rant.

Many members find this thread helpful, perhaps there might be something in it for you -

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

I hope it has helped a little to share here.

 

[Mary St Patrick]

Hi,
First time user, i have been reading all the messages, it does help to know your not alone.
Mum in law has been diagnosed in May 18 with Mixed dementia, and what a ride we have had not sure if this is normal as its got worse and worse in a few months.

 

[nae sporran]

Hi,
First time user, i have been reading all the messages, it does help to know your not alone.
Mum in law has been diagnosed in May 18 with Mixed dementia, and what a ride we have had not sure if this is normal as its got worse and worse in a few months.

Welcome to TP Mary. It certainly does help to know you are among friends all going along the same sad journey. I wonder if your mum may have a UTI, that can make confusion worse rather suddenly. Sorry if you have tested that and ruled it out.
I hope you will post more questions or just let off steam on here whenever you are ready. Go to the "I care for someone with dementia " forum and
At the top, you'll see a button called 'Post New Thread' - click or tap on this.
Add a discussion title then add your message below. Then click or tap the [Create Thread] button.
Under the "post new thread" button is the option to 'watch thread' which can give you updates if you get answers.

 

[sunshine74]

Hello
My mum has been diagnosed with mixed dementia at mild to moderate stage. I have thought for sometime that she had dementia but having it confirmed has hit us very hard. In the space of a few months she seems so different which is very hard to take. My parents live 200 miles away from me and I feel very helpless at the moment. I feel my dad is struggling but he wont say anything to myself or my brother.
Hoping to get advice as to what care and help is out there for her. My dad is also worrying long term in respect of finances.
xxx