Thank you for adding me. I have a Father-in-law who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 3 years ago, his memory is really poor, especially short-term, and he struggles to do anything for himself but he is a gentle soul and rarely gets upsets. He really enjoys his Alzheimer’s groups and has the ‘best day of my life’ every time he goes, especially to his singing group.
My own father is very different. A couple of months ago he had a ‘memory test’ on turning 80 at his GP’s (this was a ruse as he’d previously refused one many times) which didn’t go well and his GP has referred him for a CT (we think) scan and a home visit which we are waiting for. My sister has the same GP and has spoken to her as we’ve all been concerned about my dad for several years. He gets mixed up, can’t find the right word so substitutes random other words which often mean something entirely different and becomes very angry when he is contradicted. The GP said she has been aware that my dad has some form of dementia for several years but he had refused to allow her to check him over. He now has convinced himself the scan is for cancer (he has basal cell carcinomas) and that the home visit is to help the GP with a paper she is writing about skin cancers. We have no idea when the home visit/scan will be and his GP says that until he is ready to accept he has it and stop being in denial there is not much that can be done to help which we understand but are not sure if this is right.
Our biggest concern is his increasing aggression and agitation, especially towards our Mum. His aggression is verbal thankfully but still very distressing for everyone and we do worry incase it becomes physical as we think our mum would try to hide that from us. He’s a tall, physically fit man and she’s becoming quite frail. She is also in complete denial and is refusing to allow the ‘D’ word to even be mentioned. She says he is ill but getting better, I’m sure it’s frightening for her and she’s often in tears. He must feel very frightened too and although he’s always been authoritarian he was never aggressive in anyway, he would always appear very calm. He doesn’t apologise afterwards and it’s happening daily, multiple times a day and he can be really vile. Can anyone advise if there is something that can be prescribed for this? His rational self would hate to be like this and it must be as distressing for him even if he doesn’t show it. It’s been especially bad for the last few months and is rapidly getting worse.
Yesterday, in the heat, it was suggested by my brother who is visiting that he should change into shorts as it was too hot for the clothes he was wearing, he replied that he’d forgotten to pack shorts and was adamant he was on holiday and not in the garden of his own home where my parents have lived for over 40 years. He then got very confused and couldn’t remember how to get back into the house but was wondering around the garden very agitated.
We took some family photos on his birthday a few weeks ago and he was upset because we took them without him even though he was in the middle of the group he just couldn’t see/recognise himself. From what I’ve read, all these point to dementia plus his GP has done blood/urine tests, thyroid function tests etc and everything was normal and healthy and she says other causes have been ruled out.
Although we have known that he was getting confused for years, he’s always been a clever and practical man and he still seemed able to cope in every way apart from getting his words confused or forgetting them, we are really worried about this sudden, enormous deterioration. I am sure he must also be feeling very frightened himself and perhaps this is the cause of his verbal aggression and agitation. I don’t really know how long any diagnosis is going to take and what will happen once it is diagnosed. My father-in-law is on medication to slow down it’s progress and we would say his deterioration is very slow but his actual diagnosis, in a different part of the UK all
seemed to happen very quickly whereas nothing seems to be happening with my dad.
but I take care of all her other needs. 
