Loved ones in a Care Home.
- Thread starter pamann
- Start date
So sorry you had such a bad visit pamann. Really hope that tomorrow is better for you.
I saw Anne today and she was really confused when I arrived. She has new glasses for reading and distance and couldn't work them out although the CH staff had provided a small poster in her room with pictures of the different pairs and which was which.
I finally got her to understand (I think) and then suddenly she became utterly lucid for about half an hour and she was able to form proper sentences and we talked about our old happy life together and our new lives apart and then she drifted away from me again. If only that half hour had lasted longer.
Yes, as I've said before, it's the unpredictability that gets me! Just when we think we might be getting some understanding, some thing changes.
Can only hope for better days sometime.
Can only hope for better days sometime.
So sorry to hear this, Pamann. I have just completed some training from the Alz Society, and they suggest to look for the underlying cause. Could it be an infection? I do hope whatever is causing this change in behaviour is identified and resolved soon. Thinking of you and Ed. xx
Hello Dmac The main problem with Ed he refuses meds, its put in his food, when l am there at teatime he spits the pills out most days, they did crush them he refused to eat as food tasted bitter, a no win situation, l think thats why he is so up and down. He has been tested many times for infection, it could be the cellulitus which is an infection. Life is not easy, it is such a rollercoaster.
Hope today was better for you Pam. Hey folks - Pam and I are going to meet on Monday in Real Life! 
Hope today was better for you Pam. Hey folks - Pam and I are going to meet on Monday in Real Life!
Have a lovely time you two
xxxxxSent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Meeting up will be nice, Pamann and Dmac...
So sorry Pamann that you had an upsetting reminder..... For just a few minutes yesterday I saw a bit of Rob's old forceful bossiness. It shocked the friend visiting with me, and puzzled a fellow "guest" who is not so far along her own journey with Dementia.... They've only seen him as a perfect gentleman.....
And it isn't a full moon, so that theory can't apply.
So sorry Pamann that you had an upsetting reminder..... For just a few minutes yesterday I saw a bit of Rob's old forceful bossiness. It shocked the friend visiting with me, and puzzled a fellow "guest" who is not so far along her own journey with Dementia.... They've only seen him as a perfect gentleman.....
And it isn't a full moon, so that theory can't apply.
Pam - so sorry to read this. I thought everything had settled down for you. I too had to leave my husband on Wednesday due to him swearing at me and walking off - its so upsetting. Haven't seen him since as I had other appointments but I will be seeing him tomorrow, and of course he wont have any memory of that incident. This awful illness is so cruel!!
Hope yesterday was better, tigerlady.
Yesterday Ed was completely opposite to the day before, back to his loving charming ways, took him for a walk so good to get him out on a good day. Today l have lunch with him, if he is ok hopefully another walk.
Meeting Scarlett tomorrow, it would be wonderful if we could all meet up together somewhere.
Meeting Scarlett tomorrow, it would be wonderful if we could all meet up together somewhere.
Well it was three months yesterday that Anne's condition suddenly deteriorated and ten weeks that we've been apart.
As usual this morning I gave myself a severe talking to so that I would shave, smarten myself up, go fetch the papers, walk the dog and do some housework.
I'm not visiting today and feel so very ashamed that there is a feeling of relief. I don't have to phsych myself up for the visit. If Anne was lucid I'd want to bring her home and if not my heart would break as she fought her demons and confusion.
That's tomorrows hurdle to get over.
When I was caring for Anne full time, there were days when this house felt like a prison and I longed to be able to have time for myself and do as I pleased.
Now that time is here I can't break out. It feels so wrong - it's safer here living with the memories.
I've thought of taking a holiday - even got as far as finding a place to go and stay but I can't bring myself to do it. Why risk going away and feeling lonely when I can shut myself away here where I feel safe?
People say that I should start to build a new life for myself but how do I do that?
I know I must because Anne is so young to be like this - only 68 - and has no health problems except for AD. This situation will go on for many years yet. I have to find a way to become an independent person again but at the same time caring and supportive when I see Anne. I can't see a way to do this at the moment.
Sorry to go on like this but who else would I talk to? Who else would understand?
As usual this morning I gave myself a severe talking to so that I would shave, smarten myself up, go fetch the papers, walk the dog and do some housework.
I'm not visiting today and feel so very ashamed that there is a feeling of relief. I don't have to phsych myself up for the visit. If Anne was lucid I'd want to bring her home and if not my heart would break as she fought her demons and confusion.
That's tomorrows hurdle to get over.
When I was caring for Anne full time, there were days when this house felt like a prison and I longed to be able to have time for myself and do as I pleased.
Now that time is here I can't break out. It feels so wrong - it's safer here living with the memories.
I've thought of taking a holiday - even got as far as finding a place to go and stay but I can't bring myself to do it. Why risk going away and feeling lonely when I can shut myself away here where I feel safe?
People say that I should start to build a new life for myself but how do I do that?
I know I must because Anne is so young to be like this - only 68 - and has no health problems except for AD. This situation will go on for many years yet. I have to find a way to become an independent person again but at the same time caring and supportive when I see Anne. I can't see a way to do this at the moment.
Sorry to go on like this but who else would I talk to? Who else would understand?
And that's what TP is for, because we all understand.
I can identify so much with your post, feeling like I was in a prison when John was at home, and then feeling like the worst wife possible, when he went into Residential Care, and I could sleep without interruption, and was relieved that I could.After a couple of months, there were days when I didn't visit, and I too was relieved, but then when you do visit, it's so hard, knowing what to say, wondering if perhaps you could care for them at home. But I knew in my heart of hearts, that I had nothing left, and was exhausted.
Some people are able to find a way forward, independently, and some can't and there's no right or wrong. After John died, I volunteered as a form filler, at our local Citizens Advice Bureau for about 6 months. Since then, I've joined various things, really just to fill the hours, but again, some people are OK with joining things as the new boy, or new girl, and others would rather eat their own liver.
As I've frequently said, for some people it's a lot harder being a Midow or Midower. I hope your visit goes well tomorrow. xxx
Dear geof, I was so moved reading your post. Such a difficult time . Your love for your wife shines through everything you have said but also your sadness . I have no advice as I am not in that situation yet but so glad Pam and all the others are looking after you here on TP . Sending understanding vibes . Take care , won't you and keep on posting . Best wishes chick
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
And here's another who understands, Geof. Whatever we do or don't do just feels wrong.....because of the overwhelming feeling that we should be doing things together.......that's the way it was meant to be....
I tell myself that if things were the other way round, and I was better off being looked after by other people, Rob would be lonely at home alone, and I'd hope he would sometimes seek the company of other, kind people.
Are there any particular interests you have that you might follow? I like reading, and in our village they're always looking for volunteers to help in our library...for instance, and they also need volunteers for our tourist information office. I imagine hospital volunteers are always needed, making tea etc.. And then there are charity shops, sorting out donations etc.....
It's so hard isn't it?
Yes, it's great that we're meeting tomorrow.
Cab booked for the station, then a train to Liverpool Street, and I've allowed nearly an hour to get to Charing Cross by bus. Sometimes it takes about 15 minutes, and sometimes there are zillions of road works, so I'm leaving nothing to chance. If I'm early, I shall loiter And ......, don't get too excited, but I have a 20% discount code for Z*zzi's in The Strand.
And ..... and ...... I only use hotels to spend a penny, so we shall be doing that in The Savoy!Pam and I will be living The High Life for a few hours.
Dear Geoff
I know exactly what you're going through and my heart goes out to you. Visiting D today was awful. I stayed three and a half hours and when I left D said he couldn't bear to stay there. I kissed him and ran. Now I'm home and wondering how to live here without him - and that I don't want to go anywhere or do anything outside this house which has felt like a prison for so long.
This may sound a bit batty but have you thought of maybe joining a cycling club? There's one in Coventry - which I think also exists elsewhere in England - which engagingly says it's for the retired, the unemployed and the unemployable. A friend of mine joined and loved it. The other members are from a vast range of backgrounds. They do rides which are not demanding, and whose main focus seems to be the lunch or tea either in the middle or at the end. I think that for people in our situation, it really matters very much that we get exercise, in the open air. It's important because it lifts the heart and the spirits. The club bit reminds us that we're part of the human race.
I'm going to try either the bike or a walking group.
I send you thoughts and many good wishes. Ann is so lucky to have a husband such as you.
I know exactly what you're going through and my heart goes out to you. Visiting D today was awful. I stayed three and a half hours and when I left D said he couldn't bear to stay there. I kissed him and ran. Now I'm home and wondering how to live here without him - and that I don't want to go anywhere or do anything outside this house which has felt like a prison for so long.
This may sound a bit batty but have you thought of maybe joining a cycling club? There's one in Coventry - which I think also exists elsewhere in England - which engagingly says it's for the retired, the unemployed and the unemployable. A friend of mine joined and loved it. The other members are from a vast range of backgrounds. They do rides which are not demanding, and whose main focus seems to be the lunch or tea either in the middle or at the end. I think that for people in our situation, it really matters very much that we get exercise, in the open air. It's important because it lifts the heart and the spirits. The club bit reminds us that we're part of the human race.
I'm going to try either the bike or a walking group.
I send you thoughts and many good wishes. Ann is so lucky to have a husband such as you.
That's a lovely idea, Marylil, much nicer than dusty old libraries and hospitals, though those might just fill a gap in winter....
I need exercise too, but I'm still so tired.
My heart goes out to you....when husbands say they don't want to stay without you it just tears you apart doesn't it? Yesterday, at the door, it was all I could do not to turn and run, rather than go in and face his sadness.
I need exercise too, but I'm still so tired.
My heart goes out to you....when husbands say they don't want to stay without you it just tears you apart doesn't it? Yesterday, at the door, it was all I could do not to turn and run, rather than go in and face his sadness.
