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Loved ones in a Care Home.

optocarol

Registered User
Nov 23, 2011
315
0
Auckland, New Zealand
Yes, last Tuesday I went down about 7p.m., the door was locked and I rang the bell 3 times before staff heard it as they were busy with drinks. I was actually walking away when they came. In view of the rest of the night, I wished I had!!
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
0
Essex
Scarlet and Pam hope you both have a lovely time today it's great that you are meeting up xx

Thank you. :) We had a lovely time, and enjoyed our Savoy Hotel wee visit, ;) coffee, then lunch, then another drink in Covent Garden. There were problems in The Strand so my travel plans had to be altered, but I have numerous ways of getting to London, so that was fine.
 

nannylondon

Registered User
Apr 7, 2014
2,475
0
London
Thank you. :) We had a lovely time, and enjoyed our Savoy Hotel wee visit, ;) coffee, then lunch, then another drink in Covent Garden. There were problems in The Strand so my travel plans had to be altered, but I have numerous ways of getting to London, so that was fine.

Glad you had a lovely time I think there was a burst water main in the Strand.
 

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,617
0
USA
Scarlett and Pam, I'm glad to hear you had a lovely day out.

So do tell, what are the loos at the Savoy like?

If you're in the area, I can recommend the ladies' at Claridge's! (Complete with gorgeous Lalique light fixtures.)
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
0
Kent
Hello nanny and Amy, our day went well, talking non stop its what most of us women do so well☺
I have been to Claridges when Gordon Ramsey had a restuarant there. I love all the London Hotels. Savoy was good we were greeted by the doorman, beautiful pink Orchids on display, took my breath away, my favourite flowers.
 

sah

Registered User
Apr 20, 2009
332
0
Dorset
Well it was three months yesterday that Anne's condition suddenly deteriorated and ten weeks that we've been apart.
As usual this morning I gave myself a severe talking to so that I would shave, smarten myself up, go fetch the papers, walk the dog and do some housework.
I'm not visiting today and feel so very ashamed that there is a feeling of relief. I don't have to phsych myself up for the visit. If Anne was lucid I'd want to bring her home and if not my heart would break as she fought her demons and confusion.
That's tomorrows hurdle to get over.
When I was caring for Anne full time, there were days when this house felt like a prison and I longed to be able to have time for myself and do as I pleased.
Now that time is here I can't break out. It feels so wrong - it's safer here living with the memories.
I've thought of taking a holiday - even got as far as finding a place to go and stay but I can't bring myself to do it. Why risk going away and feeling lonely when I can shut myself away here where I feel safe?
People say that I should start to build a new life for myself but how do I do that?
I know I must because Anne is so young to be like this - only 68 - and has no health problems except for AD. This situation will go on for many years yet. I have to find a way to become an independent person again but at the same time caring and supportive when I see Anne. I can't see a way to do this at the moment.
Sorry to go on like this but who else would I talk to? Who else would understand?

Hi Geoff.
My husband-66- has now been in care for six weeks and I recognise much of what you're saying. A friend of mine has suggested an organisation called 'Meetup' which organises activities/ walks etc for people alone. I've not looked at it yet- but have been told it arranges all sorts-walks/quizzes/cooking etc. She said it's NOT a dating/singles group-which is good. I'm going to have a nose.....you can look them up on line? Good luck.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
0
Essex
Scarlett and Pam, I'm glad to hear you had a lovely day out.

So do tell, what are the loos at the Savoy like?

If you're in the area, I can recommend the ladies' at Claridge's! (Complete with gorgeous Lalique light fixtures.)

Yes I know. :) I always walk confidently into the hotels, because I know where the toilets are, and leave them in the same spotless condition in which I find them. Which is more than you can say for some of the restaurant or public toilets.

About 30 years ago, the public toilet in Covent Garden won awards. The ladies who worked there took so much pride in their work, and they used to provide fresh flowers, soap and towels themselves - and how the tourists loved them. They had cards and letters from all over the world, proudly displayed.
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
0
Cotswolds
Yes I know. :) I always walk confidently into the hotels, because I know where the toilets are, and leave them in the same spotless condition in which I find them. Which is more than you can say for some of the restaurant or public toilets.

About 30 years ago, the public toilet in Covent Garden won awards. The ladies who worked there took so much pride in their work, and they used to provide fresh flowers, soap and towels themselves - and how the tourists loved them. They had cards and letters from all over the world, proudly displayed.

Are those the toilets that you reach down some steps, near a church? If so, I think those ladies might have retired.....:(
 

Georgina63

Registered User
Aug 11, 2014
968
0
Joining the discussion

Hi everyone
Tomorrow I take my mum and dad, both of whom have AD, to a local care home. I think I might be needing the benefit of your experience! With them at their home today, and in the morning we will start on the latest adventure. Wavering between relief and dread, not necessarily in that order. Georgina X
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
0
Kent
Hello Georgina, l hope all went well for you today, at least they are both together, do they still know each other? You will have peace of mind knowing they are being cared for. Please let us know how they are, l do hope they settle in the CH.
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
0
Cotswolds
Hope your day goes as well as possible Georgina. We'll be behind you, knowing you need to be strong and positive to help your parents with their new adventure.
 

Georgina63

Registered User
Aug 11, 2014
968
0
Hello Georgina, l hope all went well for you today, at least they are both together, do they still know each other? You will have peace of mind knowing they are being cared for. Please let us know how they are, l do hope they settle in the CH.
They do still know each other although occasionally Mum is uncertain. I'm not long home from taking them in. That was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Dad didn't want to be there and couldn't really understand why he was and mum didn't want me to leave. I know I have to keep reminding myself that the alternative is not sustainable, but I felt dreadful leaving them there and now have to decide how to best manage the next few days whilst they (hopefully) settle in. Reminds me of that feeling of dropping your toddler at nursery and they are crying and hanging on to your ankles as you try to leave, only a lot lot worse! Thanks. Gx
 

Georgina63

Registered User
Aug 11, 2014
968
0
Hope your day goes as well as possible Georgina. We'll be behind you, knowing you need to be strong and positive to help your parents with their new adventure.
Thanks Rageddy Anne
Have to be honest it was pretty dreadful! I stayed with them for lunch then struggled to find the right moment to leave. Dad didn't really understand why he needed to be there and so didn't want to be there and Mum didn't want me to leave. I know a move to a CH is needed but can't say that as of this moment it feels great. Need time for us all to become accustomed and am trying not to overthink it. Gx
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
0
Kent
Hello Georgeina, how brave you have been, it was the hardest decision l had to make when my husband went into care a year ago, l still find it so difficult when l leave him. You will find as time goes on they hopefully will settle, then you will start to feel better, as you say it is like leaving your children for the first time, l felt exactly the same. Keep posting let us know how they are.
 

Georgina63

Registered User
Aug 11, 2014
968
0
Hello Georgeina, how brave you have been, it was the hardest decision l had to make when my husband went into care a year ago, l still find it so difficult when l leave him. You will find as time goes on they hopefully will settle, then you will start to feel better, as you say it is like leaving your children for the first time, l felt exactly the same. Keep posting let us know how they are.
Thanks pamann. That's it really! It's a big help sharing this with people who know, and hopefully in time I might be able to offer a little support to others too. Will keep you posted. Gx
 

metzie

Registered User
Aug 19, 2016
3
0
Metzie

I'm new to all this , but I'm exhausted by it all. Both mentally and physically . I've just had to put mum into care. It's heartbreaking . If it's not bad enough seeing her and leaving her I'm now stuck in this mine field of funding . My goodness how complicated it all is . Stressful , complicated and unfair . Heartbreaking as mum is completely unaware of what I'm going through . My ,she would be so upset if she knew . Has anyone found the whole funding , care splits , NHS , versus social , versus seeing mums money disappear ..
 

Georgina63

Registered User
Aug 11, 2014
968
0
I'm new to all this , but I'm exhausted by it all. Both mentally and physically . I've just had to put mum into care. It's heartbreaking . If it's not bad enough seeing her and leaving her I'm now stuck in this mine field of funding . My goodness how complicated it all is . Stressful , complicated and unfair . Heartbreaking as mum is completely unaware of what I'm going through . My ,she would be so upset if she knew . Has anyone found the whole funding , care splits , NHS , versus social , versus seeing mums money disappear ..
Hi Metzie, so sorry about your Mum. I can't offer help on the funding, but having taken both Mum and Dad to a care home this week (self funding), I do feel for you. It's awful isn't it, having to deal with the emotion of dropping them off at a care home whilst having to deal with all the other stressful stuff. There are lots of people in TP who I'm sure will be able to offer support and more specific advice, so keep posting. Best wishes, Gx