STOP IT!!! Yes, big shouty capital letters
You have not done the wrong thing, she was asking if you went, because she obviously had not been to the funeral.
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I think that you have mixed up all your feelings in your mind, your fears about Mam, your sadness about L, your panic about how you are managing your life, your money etc., and are in danger of drowning. I wonder if you could ask your GP if you could have some counselling, to help you to put your mind straight and to help you calm down a bit.
You did a great job of looking after Mam at home, until her health made her go into a Care Home. .... now do the same great job of looking after yourself too.