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Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by worriedson1, Oct 15, 2015.
That is wonderful and I'm sure he will appreciate it at this sad time. J x
When my husband John died, my daughter phoned everyone on the list that I gave her. These included 2 ladies that I knew, and that, years earlier, John had met when he walked the dog. After the funeral, several people introduced themselves to me as other Doggy Walking companions of John's. I was delighted!
To think these people had gone out of their way to attend the funeral, which wasn't easy to reach by public transport, touched me very much. I invited them all back for the tea, and a couple came, together with the ladies I knew.
But to know they felt so much of John, that they wanted pay their respects, touched me very much. His dog walking days had ceased years before, but it's moments like this that the family treasure.
If you have to go on your own, then do so, but believe me, your presence will be much appreciated. Bless You for your kind heart. xxx
My daughter died in August, a hot August.
The Church was full and I hardly noticed any faces, but at the back, in a pair of shorts and a Tshirt, was an old (primary) school friend.
One of my sisters was outraged that she had come to Church in shorts (it was 1983)...
I was DELIGHTED and touched, that she came.
Go to this ladies funeral, WS, she played an important part in your and your Mum's life, you have always spoken highly of this lady.
You're not going for tea, you're paying your respects.
And respect her, you did.
You're doing the right thing.
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Thanks for your kind words and this is not meant at all in an "Arrogant" way but i KNOW that by going iam doing the right thing .....and the moral thing also.
The family will understand how much this lady meant to you and how important she was to your mum. That will kean everything to them. You loved her for herself, nit due to any other connection. That is a real tribute to a wonderful person. Please try to be happy that you had her in your life too. It will help with the grief you feel. You are a lovely person.
Thanks for your kind words, i'm no angel tho, ive did many a stupid thing and have truckloads of faults.
Don't we all, but you care for your Mum and do everything you can for her. L's family will be pleased you are there.
I do understand that feeling and indeed a letter was a lovely thing to do. Mum is in a nursing home and I am afraid many residents are in the departure lounge, it has made me so sad the ones we get attached to and then the next thing you hear they have died. My Mum seems to be outliving all of them.
It is a bit like a family, everyone is muddling along together and we try our best to give all of them our attention and love. The only good thing is that your Mum will probably forget this lady. I am amazed how my Mum doesn't notice that people go 'missing' at her home. How lovely that that lady was still able to contribute something in life, a friendship, even until her end. Xx
Oh I'm so sorry WorriedSon.
That must have been an awful shock for you. How upsetting.
I think your letter would really have been appreciated by L's husband.
It's a lovely gesture, as is going to her funeral. It shows you care. xxx
Sorry for your loss and the doggy walking tidbits are sweet.
Thanks for your kind words.
The Obituary for L has been published in our local paper today and at the end it says
"Funeral service being held on Monday, October 26, 2015, at 11.30 am, at ****** Crematorium, to which all family, friends and neighbours are respectfully invited."
"to which all family, friends and neighbours are respectfully invited."
Think i should still go?? what does that actually mean? what it says on the tin??
It means that anyone that knew 'L' and wants to pay their respects is welcome.
Please go. I am sure you will be welcome and your effort to go really appreciated.
Yes you should go. It's important to you and it will be appreciated by the family. I've just come from the funeral of a man I only knew very slightly. I know his daughter and I went out of respect for him and support for her. I just came away after the service as I don't know them well enough to have gone to 'cup of tea' afterwards.
Thanks Both it was just when i saw ""to which all family, friends and neighbours are respectfully invited." i was like "Errrr...hhmmm errr.....".
I think they would be more upset if you didn't go. When my Mum died I accidentally didn't ask the lady who provided the teas at the lunch club and I heard afterwards that she was really loved my Mum and had been very upset - I cried but made it a little better with a visit and a 'gift' from one of my Mum's treasures! I think you should definitely definitely go and tell the family who you are - they will be very touched too. xxx
You were a friend to L, so yes, you should definitely go.
I am sure the family will appreciate you going.
I agree WS, she was definitely a friend to you and your mum.
At my dad's funeral I suddenly noticed that friends that I hadn't even told were there, I was so touched by that.
I think it means you would be welcome, it is the opposite of saying 'family only'. However only go if you really want to, funerals can feel like a nice celebration of someone's life but they can also feel plain depressing, so don't feel obliged to go unless you really want to.
Oh of course i want to go and am going, No Question.
When i went to visit my mum today,a lady who visits her mum in the same unit as mine said she had something for me and handed me an envelope which inside was the newspaper cutting of L's death in the local paper,gave it to me as she knew how fond i was of L.
Such a Nice Gesture.