Hi my mum was diagnosed with mixed dementia, vascular and Alzheimer’s in August 2022, the deterioration has been rapid. We’ve moved mum & dad closer to us so we can help out. Both are 77yrs old, dad really struggling now. Mum also has spinal stenosis which impacts mobility. This week further deterioration where her legs cannot take her weight and just give way. Carers twice a day, they have asked for an urgent moving and handling assessment as one can no longer manage to shower her. Dad tried his best and I am there daily to help change pads etc as incontinent. Mum rarely speaks now although I can still make her smile which melts my heart. She would never want to be in a care home but I don’t know how much longer we can cope. She’s had many falls, now unable to stand on her own but I worry every night about dad putting her to bed. I’m always waiting for the phone to ring. Trying to juggle full time management job and caring and trying to protect dad but just don’t know how much longer we can manage.
Don’t know what to do
- Thread starter Mel-123
- Start date
My wife was diagnosed as early onset, mixed, atyipical Alzheimer's over 10 years ago.
It doesn't matter what it's called, truth is we are about dealing with solutions hence this site isn't called the Alzheimer's Society any more as that might be seen to excluded people with other forms of dementia or mental health issues. We just help each other where we can.
It can be hard over 10 years but I just did for both wife and mum what I know they would have done for me had it been the other way round and they had to care for me. K
It doesn't matter what it's called, truth is we are about dealing with solutions hence this site isn't called the Alzheimer's Society any more as that might be seen to excluded people with other forms of dementia or mental health issues. We just help each other where we can.
It can be hard over 10 years but I just did for both wife and mum what I know they would have done for me had it been the other way round and they had to care for me. K
I have been through very similar situations, but that doesn't mean I know how you feel as we are all different. My Mum was 180 miles away and had dementia but managed till she had a stroke. I did all the things they said don't do, moved her near me and into a care home ( shoot me now). I became her daughter again and our relationship was restored! She had looked after my Dad after several strokes and fought to get him home each time, so my guilt was compounded. My Mum and OH never got on so having her in my home was not an option I dare contemplate.
Is it time for her care needs to be reassessed? Sounds like an evening call to put her to bed would help. I know that even with care going in as often as needed you will all be struggling.The last think you want is for your Dad to start to resent her. I know you want to do what she would want, but can't believe she would want you both to struggle. None of us like to think of ourselves in a care home ( I'm 80 btw) but sometimes situations change. Thinking of you.
Is it time for her care needs to be reassessed? Sounds like an evening call to put her to bed would help. I know that even with care going in as often as needed you will all be struggling.The last think you want is for your Dad to start to resent her. I know you want to do what she would want, but can't believe she would want you both to struggle. None of us like to think of ourselves in a care home ( I'm 80 btw) but sometimes situations change. Thinking of you.
Hello @Mel-123 No one wants their loved ones to go into a care home but they are there for a reason and from what you have said in your post it really does sound as if a move is going to be necessary sooner rather than later. You have said yourself that you worry about how your dad is coping and that you are always waiting for the phone to ring. Even if you increase the number of carer visits your mum and dad will still be on their own for many hours per day.
I know that it is hard and is not an easy decision to make but one that might have to be considered. Take care of yourself.
I know that it is hard and is not an easy decision to make but one that might have to be considered. Take care of yourself.
