advice please

[GillP]

you are not. just want to see if the anti-bios have any affect. with his COPD he is more susceptible to chest infections. its hard making decisions as to what to do/give and when. i think thats when the pressure of caring increases.

It’s so good that you’ve got the meds to hand. Absolutely get it about decision making. Hope you both get a good nights sleep.

 

[Infinite]

my husband has vascular dementia and is constantly ordering and demanding. hes constantly nagging me to do what he wants. immediately. i need to shorten his jeans so nagged again until i do them. i make sure the house is clean for him and he always has clean clothes. always got what he needs and wants. he explodes when he gets frustrated. tonight he has shouted at me and told me he doesnt want to see me again tonight. i gave him his meds and he was still stroppy. ive left him there. even nagging me about i havent had the jab yet, ive no control over that and his shouting is not going to get it any quicker.
the kids dont see any difference in him. its usually me thats the mad one. he takes the rise out of me and laughs about it. says stupid things then laughs. he can still cook but it doesnt wash things out very well. i have tried to ignore what he says not react but he scares me when he shouts. tonight for the first time in a while, i locked the bathroom door while having a shower. didnt feel safe to leave it unlocked. the other thing he does that i dont know how to handle is that he gropes. i have to go past his chair to go out the front room door and his hands is are outstretched to grab me. we have separate rooms and we dont have a physical relationship as such. we will hug and kiss goodnight but not any further. hes always been short-tempered but this is ongoing every day. i have to jump to commands. he presents like you wouldnt think anything is wrong. it hurts and all i can do is cry which seems to make no difference. we dont have carers and wont as he has capacity to say no. the dementia has exaggerated the temper he already had. any ideas?

Life for you has always been difficult in this marriage by the sound of it at times .I'm very sorry you feel scared of him .others see a different picture i understand totally .Have you got a friend who could be a person to go to in an emergency which I hope never happens sending you A Very BIG HUG

 

[MaNaAk]

Life for you has always been difficult in this marriage by the sound of it at times .I'm very sorry you feel scared of him .others see a different picture i understand totally .Have you got a friend who could be a person to go to in an emergency which I hope never happens sending you A Very BIG HUG

Dear @Infinite,

@jennifer1967's husband is calmer now that he is on memantine but I'm sure she understands what you mean. She does very well especially as has health issues herself.

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

Dear @Infinite,

@jennifer1967's husband is calmer now that he is on memantine but I'm sure she understands what you mean. She does very well especially as has health issues herself.

MaNaAk

thank you @MaNaAk thank you everyone. could the new members please check the date of the post which was 2 years ago or read all of it so you can see the progression please. he is so much calmer now and im not frightened of him any more like that. he has his moments but so much easier to manage. im also in charge of everything which has shifted the control off of him. mobility scooter has given me freedom as well.

 

[MaNaAk]

Good morning @jennifer1967,

How is your husband today and how are you?

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

Good morning @jennifer1967,

How is your husband today and how are you?

MaNaAk

good morning @MaNaAk his cough seems to have loosened . second day of anti-bios so will see about things tomorrow. my head is on over drive thinking what else i can do to help him.

 

[GillP]

It’s no good me saying don’t worry isn’t it. Hope things improve soon. I understand if he’s not good it impacts hugely on you. Thinking of you.

 

[jennifer1967]

It’s no good me saying don’t worry isn’t it. Hope things improve soon. I understand if he’s not good it impacts hugely on you. Thinking of you.

thank you. well it looks like the anti-bios are working. hes not coughing as much and is brighter. hes having a hours lie down. hes staying home this week so not going to the shed but he needs time to get better. i recorded his grand prix so he has been watching that. hes just very tired now.

 

[MaNaAk]

Good evening @jennifer1967,

I hope you're both okay.

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

Good evening @jennifer1967,

I hope you're both okay.

MaNaAk

good evening @MaNaAk hes a lot better tonight. actually interested in tv etc and appetite back[maybe not so good]. not coughing as much. anti-bios working.
im relieved that what i decided to do as worked. the onus shouldnt be on me but its so long-winded to contact the gp. it could have taken all week to talk to the doctor, getting meds and taking them. will have to ask for another pack of anti-bios to replace the ones for the rescue pack.

 

[sdmhred]

I’m glad he’s on the mend Jennifer - I’m glad someone somE where had the sense to provide the rescue pack in the first place!

 

[jennifer1967]

I’m glad he’s on the mend Jennifer - I’m glad someone somE where had the sense to provide the rescue pack in the first place!

the doctor gave it to those that had COPD so that got treatment straight away. the only thing i worried about is that i had to decide when i gave it to him. hes also got to trust me to do the right thing in his best interests.

 

[sdmhred]

Yes it’s quite a responsibility isn’t it……sounds like you got it spot on tho 😀

 

[MaNaAk]

Good morning @jennifer1967!

How are you both today? Hope you're okay.

MaNaAk

 

[canary]

Im glad hes on the mend now. It must be a relief to you

 

[jennifer1967]

Good morning @jennifer1967!

How are you both today? Hope you're okay.

MaNaAk

good morning @MaNaAk hes a lot better today. had a wash himself today. not coughing as much. im ok now hes getting better

 

[jennifer1967]

Im glad hes on the mend now. It must be a relief to you

i hate it when hes ill. relieved hes getting better

 

[jennifer1967]

i spoke too soon. ive just phoned 111 waiting for a call back. hes coughing and cant get his breath so he asked me to phone which means he feels really bad. he just cant get the rubbish off of his chest. i did say i would give it to tuesday to see if the anti-bios have kicked in. hes very tired with the coughing.

 

[jennifer1967]

i spoke too soon. ive just phoned 111 waiting for a call back. hes coughing and cant get his breath so he asked me to phone which means he feels really bad. he just cant get the rubbish off of his chest. i did say i would give it to tuesday to see if the anti-bios have kicked in. hes very tired with the coughing.

well that was quick. she phoned back within 10 minutes. he was coughing so i let her hear it. i did right by giving the anti-bios but need to give him steroids as well so ive given him his steroids as well. it helps with the inflammation of the airways.

 

[SeaSwallow]

@jennifer1967 I am sorry to read this but you have done the right thing to call 111. I have used then a couple of times recently and they have always been amazing.