Oh how I relish the time when I can read all your lovely messages! Thank you all so much for finding the time in your own busy lives to send such loving thoughts to me, I cannot tell you how much it's appreciated.
When I visited John today, after my second funeral of the week, my daughter was there. She hadn't seen her Dad for about a week, as she's had a cold, and the Home, naturally, don't want you visiting if you're infected.
Poor girl, she burst out crying at the change in him, and what he's now become, and I stressed that I'd far rather she remembers him, as he was, than torture herself. He can't hear her, he doesn't know she's there, and I reassured her that I wouldn't be upset if she didn't come, and she said "but what about you?"!!
I said I'm made of strong stuff, and blimey, I must be. I fell off a step ladder yesterday, my own stupid, stubborn fault. I fell backwards 4 feet, into a radiator, banged my head on the wall with the impetus, and have a gash about 6 inches in my back. NO SYMPATHY PLEASE!!!! I was stupid, and shouldn't have done it.
My grand-daughter wanted to dial 999, and screamed out "have you broken your neck" because of the bang of my head against the wall. I assured her I hadn't, but wanted to cry. She bathed my back, and applied half a dozen large plasters, so that just the gauze bit was across the gash. I daren't have a bath, because the dressing will come off, so I'm using John's bath wipes (which someone on here told me about, so thank you very much!) for a few days.
And of course, all I wanted was John to cuddle me, and bathe my back, and apply soothing cream, and plasters and say "my poor brave girl". That's what I miss so much. When I listened to the eulogies today, a couple of the men broke down, and couldn't continue and their mates had to read them. I've given eulogies before, and broke down, but nobody minds if you're crying and they're all willing you on.
After one, about 6 years ago, several people were saying that they wanted to book me for their eulogy! And John asked me to do his too. And whilst listening to those today, I thought "how could I ever do one for John? Nobody could do one for their husband!". But I know I'll have to .......... because I promised him again a few years ago.
Such a morbid thing to think about, but I'm determined I'll not let him down. I feel the end could be in 10 years, or 10 days, who knows, but something tell me to prepare myself for more grim times ahead. My poor, poor lad looks like he's been on a starvation protest for months, as his cheeks have sunken, and he doesn't even look like himself.
I'm cancelling John's appointment with the consultant, regarding his Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, as he can't communicate anything, so what's the point of going. I've also received a letter today for my Pre-Op Medical, which I shall be cancelling too. I don't want to be hobbling around on crutches at the moment, and providing I put sticking plasters on my bent toes (arthritis) to stop then rubbing against my shoes too much, I'm OK. A few weeks or months isn't going to make much difference, and I haven't been asked to appear on Strictly.
I'll get back on TP when I can, but once again, thank you for all your love, support and kind wishes, and love to all of you wonderful people too. Have as good a weekend as you all can. xxxxxx
When I visited John today, after my second funeral of the week, my daughter was there. She hadn't seen her Dad for about a week, as she's had a cold, and the Home, naturally, don't want you visiting if you're infected.
Poor girl, she burst out crying at the change in him, and what he's now become, and I stressed that I'd far rather she remembers him, as he was, than torture herself. He can't hear her, he doesn't know she's there, and I reassured her that I wouldn't be upset if she didn't come, and she said "but what about you?"!!
I said I'm made of strong stuff, and blimey, I must be. I fell off a step ladder yesterday, my own stupid, stubborn fault. I fell backwards 4 feet, into a radiator, banged my head on the wall with the impetus, and have a gash about 6 inches in my back. NO SYMPATHY PLEASE!!!! I was stupid, and shouldn't have done it.
My grand-daughter wanted to dial 999, and screamed out "have you broken your neck" because of the bang of my head against the wall. I assured her I hadn't, but wanted to cry. She bathed my back, and applied half a dozen large plasters, so that just the gauze bit was across the gash. I daren't have a bath, because the dressing will come off, so I'm using John's bath wipes (which someone on here told me about, so thank you very much!) for a few days.
And of course, all I wanted was John to cuddle me, and bathe my back, and apply soothing cream, and plasters and say "my poor brave girl". That's what I miss so much. When I listened to the eulogies today, a couple of the men broke down, and couldn't continue and their mates had to read them. I've given eulogies before, and broke down, but nobody minds if you're crying and they're all willing you on.
After one, about 6 years ago, several people were saying that they wanted to book me for their eulogy! And John asked me to do his too. And whilst listening to those today, I thought "how could I ever do one for John? Nobody could do one for their husband!". But I know I'll have to .......... because I promised him again a few years ago.
Such a morbid thing to think about, but I'm determined I'll not let him down. I feel the end could be in 10 years, or 10 days, who knows, but something tell me to prepare myself for more grim times ahead. My poor, poor lad looks like he's been on a starvation protest for months, as his cheeks have sunken, and he doesn't even look like himself.
I'm cancelling John's appointment with the consultant, regarding his Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, as he can't communicate anything, so what's the point of going. I've also received a letter today for my Pre-Op Medical, which I shall be cancelling too. I don't want to be hobbling around on crutches at the moment, and providing I put sticking plasters on my bent toes (arthritis) to stop then rubbing against my shoes too much, I'm OK. A few weeks or months isn't going to make much difference, and I haven't been asked to appear on Strictly.
I'll get back on TP when I can, but once again, thank you for all your love, support and kind wishes, and love to all of you wonderful people too. Have as good a weekend as you all can. xxxxxx
