William has gone

[2jays]

This is a time for you LadyA. A time for you to think only of yourself.

Your daughter could be coping, because it gives her a purpose by looking after you. Maybe it's her way of coping. Making sure you are ok and then going back to her OH for comfort. There is time enough for you two to comfort each other, when you both have gone through what you need to, for yourselves, individually.

No easy answers are there. We all deal with situations so differently don't we.


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[Scarlett123]

Thinking of you LadyA xxx

 

[LadyA]

Got the death certificate. Just waiting to register the death. Also I ordered Memory Cards and acknowledgment cards. By myself. The visitors and dau are gone to the mountains for the day. My bad knee is playing merry hell so I felt it wiser to stay home.

 

[Kjn]

Well make sure you do rest then Lady A ! X

 

[Grey Lad]

Hope you have managed to rest Lady A.

 

[LadyA]

Couldn't register the death. Because William died on a holiday weekend. When someone dies in a nursing home here, the coroner has to be notified . But it was a holiday. Coroner's office was closed. Next day, there was staff changeover at the nursing home, and somehow, notifying the coroner slipped through the cracks. So the Registrar can't issue the Death Certificate until she clears it with the coroner. Ironically, the coroner's office was closed today because of the death of a staff member. Registrar says she will phone them tomorrow and call me.
The nursing home is terribly apologetic, and doesn't know how it happened. But I suppose, these things happen.

 

[truth24]

Things never go smoothly do they? Please rest your knee otherwise you'll be joining me. xx

 

[Chuggalug]

After being very poised and composed all day yesterday, I knew it would happen. I DID sleep last night, which I hadn't really all week. Today we all decided (me, dau and William's family) to go to the graveyard. I wanted to water the flowers people had brought.
When I saw the grave filled in with the flowers on it, and the grave marker in place with William's name and date of death, I fell apart completely.
Afterwards, William's son in law, who preached the sermon yesterday, took all the family to a swank hotel for a good Sunday lunch. There were ten of us altogether! And I ate quite a bit, I am surprised to say - we are all sandwiched out! A proper meal was good!
Now, thankfully, all the rest have gone for a long walk, and my bad knee prevented me from going. So I get a little peace and space to cry.

You did the right thing; allowing yourself to come through. Forget the composure until you feel better. Crying brings healing. It's not wallowing in sadness; it's your heart and mind getting back what was stolen from it during the hard years. Cry in front of friends and loved ones so that they can comfort you. Don't always do it alone.

It's good that you felt things went to plan on the day. Much love to you, LadyA. Like I once said to a patient who'd lost a loved one, speak of them often and keep them in your heart and in your memory. We're all here when you need us, xxxxxxxx

 

[esmeralda]

Just sending you good thoughts and a little hug LadyA. Hope your knee is better soon and they get the coroner's thing sorted.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[chick1962]

Morning LadyA sending love and strength your way and hoping the knee is a little better today xxxxxx


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[truth24]

Echoing chick, LadyA. xxxx

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Sorry I've been elsewhere lately but thinking of you Lady A, and sending a big hug. You've been so strong and wise and kind, and you deserve to rest and adjust in peace. It'll be a gradual process, not a time for rushing. Your daughter must be just like you, and you must be so proud of her.xx

 

[Scarlett123]

Hope you're managing to get things sorted out. xxx

 

[Grey Lad]

Sorry I've been elsewhere lately but thinking of you Lady A, and sending a big hug. You've been so strong and wise and kind, and you deserve to rest and adjust in peace. It'll be a gradual process, not a time for rushing. Your daughter must be just like you, and you must be so proud of her.xx

Thanks for cards. Did PM you but your InBox was full. G L

 

[Grey Lad]

Hope you are having a well earned rest LadyA. Thinking of you. G L

 

[LadyA]

I read a post on here a while ago which said "like walking through treacle" - and that exactly describes me at the moment. I'm exhausted today, because some visitors who were staying with me left at 4 a.m. I didn't get up to see them off, but heard them getting up, sorting suitcases, opening/closing doors, etc. Then I woke again at 6 and couldn't sleep again. But I couldn't get out of bed this morning. Not because I was so tired- it was because I simply didn't want to get up. Didn't want to face the day. Didn't want to face the things which must be done. Didn't want to see people. Just wnted to continue to hide under the duvet.

I did get up though eventually - at around 7.30 - and have been tired out all day. The Registrar of Deaths phoned and said she had spoken to the Coroner and sorted things out, and I could come and register William's death and collect the Death Certificate. So that's done. I'm struggling through the 16 page application form for a Widow's Pension, bit by bit. This morning I also had to phone and pay the house insurance - usually I would shop around and/or beat the Insurance company down a bit onthe renewal. I didn't have the energy. It was enough to have to explain that my husband had died last week, so the policy should be changed into my sole name. So that was what felt like two huge jobs done today, as well as some laundry.

William's daughter & her husband came over (they just left tonight, back to the US) and we went to pick up the Death Certificate, get some shopping for them and a final visit to William's grave for them before their journey home. Then tonight we were out to friends house for dinner. I'm completely exhausted and off to bed.

Oh yes - two (two! blackbirds committed suicide by crashing into my windows this morning, within a short space of time!! I haven't had that happen all Summer, and now two in one morning! Poor little things.

 

[esmeralda]

Grief is exhausting LadyA, the mental adjustment to living in a world without your loved person and the sadness takes a huge amount of energy. Also you've done so much in coping with all the arrangements and visitors.
Hope you have a restful night and are able to take things as quietly as you need tomorrow.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[LadyA]

Anybody else like to have a little weep? Here's the poem I had put on the Memory Cards:

"Miss Me, But Let Me Go.

When I come to the end of the road,
And the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in gloom-filled rooms,
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little--but not too long,
And not with your head bowed low;
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me--but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take,
And each must go alone.
It's all a part of the Master's plan,
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick at heart,
Go to the friends we know,
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.
Miss me - but let me go."

 

[LYN T]

Well I didn't fancy having a weep-but I did A lovely, gentle poem-just right-in fact perfect.

Exhaustion (even if you do sleep) is a part of grief LadyA. Too much going on both physically and emotionally doesn't help the mind settle at night. Try to have a nighttime routine; PJ's, read? warm drink if you wish. Try not to fall asleep on the sofa (my 'routine' for months) and wake up cold and wide awake in the early hours.

It's too soon for me to wish you peace but I wish you strength

Love

Lyn T XX

 

[Cat27]

That is beautiful Lady A & it made my eyes leak.