William has gone
- Thread starter LadyA
- Start date
Huggs Lady A, sorry not been about recently, but glad everything went well. I was just thinking it is 5yrs since I lost Dad, miss him everyday
I totally agree Lizzy. It is amazing how we adjust to our new life and remember Lady A there are no rules. What works for you is good, so go with it.
Sending love xx
After being very poised and composed all day yesterday, I knew it would happen. I DID sleep last night, which I hadn't really all week. Today we all decided (me, dau and William's family) to go to the graveyard. I wanted to water the flowers people had brought.
When I saw the grave filled in with the flowers on it, and the grave marker in place with William's name and date of death, I fell apart completely.
Afterwards, William's son in law, who preached the sermon yesterday, took all the family to a swank hotel for a good Sunday lunch. There were ten of us altogether! And I ate quite a bit, I am surprised to say - we are all sandwiched out! A proper meal was good!
Now, thankfully, all the rest have gone for a long walk, and my bad knee prevented me from going. So I get a little peace and space to cry.
When I saw the grave filled in with the flowers on it, and the grave marker in place with William's name and date of death, I fell apart completely.
Afterwards, William's son in law, who preached the sermon yesterday, took all the family to a swank hotel for a good Sunday lunch. There were ten of us altogether! And I ate quite a bit, I am surprised to say - we are all sandwiched out! A proper meal was good!
Now, thankfully, all the rest have gone for a long walk, and my bad knee prevented me from going. So I get a little peace and space to cry.
It was bound to hit you and it's impossible in my view to visit the fresh grave of a loved one and not be deeply affected. I'm glad you re being looked after and also having a bit of peace to pull your thoughts together. Wishing you strength and peace. xx
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You know what it was Jinx? His grave looks so tiny! It's almost like a child's grave.
My daughter turned out to be very traditional - and it's traditional here, although dying out mostly in modern times, for newly bereaved female members of the immediate family not to go out on their own until after the funeral, so they'd have some emotional support if they got upset. Dau has stuck to me like glue - I haven't been allowed to drive myself anywhere all week! Bless her.
Can understand why it suddenly hit you. When my father died many years ago I was like a zombie until I saw his small box of ashes. Then the pain set in. I'm glad you have some time for yourself and perhaps when everyone has gone home you and your lovely dau can grieve together. I'm sure your SIL is giving her support and comfort too. xxx
Everyone has their own coping mechanisms and hers is probably being met by caring for you. At the moment. I'm sure you'll be there for each other when her need arises.
You've been a brave girl, LadyA, and done your William proud xxx
My apologies lady a, my brain has gone to sleep before my body as usual.As Scarlett says, looking after you gives her a reason not to fall apart herself. Only when the public things have been done will you both know how you really feel and help each other through the personal and private grieving.
Lady A I am glad your daughter is there for you looking after you is probably her way of coping my thoughts are with you be kind to yourself xx
Morning LadyA. No traditions in my little family but when Pete passed Dau was on the train down to me and did everything. Phoned people, made me eat etc. Roll reversal I think
I also think she was concerned I would 'break' and she wanted to watch over me. To be honest we comforted each other emotionally-but I did feel a bit suffocated . On top of the obvious upset and heartbreak I had a bit of a reaction and was physically sick for two days-not nice for M. Then came Xmas (Pete's funeral was a month after he died). Son in law joined the 'looking after Mum' team and booked a meal for Xmas day in a fish restaurant (less obvious celebrations). People do what they can because they love you-whether that's through tradition, or love or both.
Accept the care and concern when you need it, but if you also need time on your own don't be afraid to seek your own company. Early days for you LadyA; I hope you find peace in your own way.
Much love
Lyn T XX
I also think she was concerned I would 'break' and she wanted to watch over me. To be honest we comforted each other emotionally-but I did feel a bit suffocated . On top of the obvious upset and heartbreak I had a bit of a reaction and was physically sick for two days-not nice for M. Then came Xmas (Pete's funeral was a month after he died). Son in law joined the 'looking after Mum' team and booked a meal for Xmas day in a fish restaurant (less obvious celebrations). People do what they can because they love you-whether that's through tradition, or love or both.Accept the care and concern when you need it, but if you also need time on your own don't be afraid to seek your own company. Early days for you LadyA; I hope you find peace in your own way.
Much love
Lyn T XX
That's what I did when my mum died. I did everything for Dad & organised everything.
I cried when I got home but in front of Dad & sister I calm.
I'm sure you will have time when everything has settled to talk to your dau about how she is feeling. You will both have your own way of coping and she will want to get you through these first dark days as best she can. I know it's a very well worn cliche but time does help and I am sure things will eventually become more normal for both of you. x
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