1. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    Today I bought a planter for the grave, planted with Autumn/Winter pansies and cyclamen. The man at the garden centre said if I water it a couple of times a week in a dry spell, it should last until around Christmas. I wanted to have something nice growing, that would last longer than cut flowers, you see, because I am the only one that will go there, and the only one that will put flowers on. And because William's grave is tucked right up against the ancient stone wall (which he would be pleased about), it does mean that not a lot will grow there. It's in quite a bit of shade. I will be putting a headstone up eventually, but can't put a kerb around the grave, because it would be in the way of the route down through the graveyard. The main route to the end of the graveyard goes down beside the wall, and so beside William's grave - I'd hate any pall-bearer of the future to trip over a kerb around William's grave!
     
  2. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    That sounds like a lovely idea LadyA, and I think it could last a lot longer than Christmas. My winter pansies from last year have carried on flowering all summer, just going over now. You can get cyclamens that are perennial, Cyclamen Coum are lovely, tiny flowers and lovely foliage, I think they should do well in that situation.
    I should like to be buried against an ancient stone wall, I'm glad William's got one. He sounds like such an interesting person. Glad you are well up with your health and safety!
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  3. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    Sounds beautiful, LadyA.
     
  4. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    Well, it's quite a slope down the graveyard, Es. As it was, I was thinking, at the funeral, that it was a good thing it hadn't rained, because the pallbearers might be in danger of slipping on wet grass, and dropping the coffin! Could be that on wet days, they just use the trolley to wheel coffins down. Because the graveyard goes further down than William.
     
  5. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Glad it wasn't a day like today, it's just poured. Did you have family as pallbearers? I think that's much nicer. We had a Green Burial company for my mum and there were only two of them so they asked my son and son in law. It was a good thing for them to do.
    At least all this rain has meant I have time to catch up with my emails and some sewing. I had the quote today for adapting the bathroom - eye watering.
    I hope you are having a peaceful day.
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  6. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    #266 LadyA, Aug 19, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2015
    Yes, they always have six pallbearers here. Not sure why. The funeral directors are very precise, directing them exactly how to support the coffin. For William, there were two of his sons, one grandson, One son in law, one step son in law (my dau's husband), and a good friend of William's who regarded him as a father figure.

    Today, I have been to the three local newspaper offices and arranged to have an acknowledgement and thanks notice published next week. Not sure if that's done over there or not? It's sort of like an Oscar's speech - where you thank everyone! :) Those who attended the funeral, who called, sent flowers, the doctors who cared for him through his illness, the nursing home staff, etc. It also serves to let people know who may not have heard about the death, or may not have connected it- because there's a photo of William published with the acknowledgement.
    Also got a text from the Pensions Dept. today. They have received my application and will let me know their decision in approximately four weeks.
     
  7. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    We had a bamboo coffin for my mum and she was only little so four were plenty. Good to make your last journey with people who knew and loved you.
    I've never heard of the acknowledgements and thanks in the newspaper, although it may happen in other parts of the country. It seems though that there are more traditions and rituals associated with death and funerals in Ireland. I think that is entirely a good thing and something we have lost here. You are a good person to say whether you have personally found it helpful, but I know I would. I feel it would give you a framework to work within at a time when so much of your life has changed and been lost.
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  8. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    I think it is helpful, to have so many traditions and things like putting the acknowledgement in the newspapers etc. At a time when you can feel sort of cast adrift and lost, I think these traditions can be very helpful in giving us hand and footholds to help us climb back out of the dark pit of the death of our loved one. Because even though the people you necessarily come in contact with - the clerks in the newspaper offices for example, the florists who do the wreaths for the grave, the printer who does the Memory cards - are professionals, when you explain what you want, they will first offer their condolences. Trite though it sounds, it helps - it's like people saying "I bet you feel like **** about what's happened, and that's fine, I would too, because you're right, it's totally pants! " And then, by necessarily discussing the death with these people, it does gradually become a part of your everyday life, to think of the person as being dead. And yet, while you are doing all these things - getting Memory cards done, getting an acknowledgement published. And if I was Catholic, I'd be thinking about organising the "Month's Mind" - a family gathering and service they do on the first month's anniversary of the death - you still feel you are doing something for them, so they are still with you, in a way.
    Does that make any sense at all?
     
  9. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Absolutely LadyA, it's about shared humanity and connection, with the living and those who have passed over. I've never heard of the 'Month's Mind' but it sounds like a lovely tradition. A celebration and a way of making you feel a little less isolated in your sadness. Would it be an acceptable thing to do even if you weren't Catholic or would that affect some people's sensibilities?
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  10. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,736
    North East Lincs
    It all makes sense to me LadyA. I can't recall how I coped at similar times in my life but we all find our own ways. Hope you continue to find occasions that bring you peace and fond memories of William.

    Squash news: bit like the weather very mixed as some fruit thrive and others wither.
     
  11. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    To be blunt Es, I wouldn't want to go to his church again. There were a couple of issues over the funeral that should not have happened. The family were very gracious about it and it turned out well, and I put my foot down about two items, but I shouldn't have had to. He got the type of funeral that honoured him, and that he would have "enjoyed". That's enough for me.
     
  12. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    I agree that tradition has an important part to play at times like this. Well, anything in which you find comfort really. You write so lucidly and openly about your feelings, LadyA. I hope you might be finding a little comfort in that and the knowledge of the respect and affection we all have for you. Sounds maudlin, I know, but nevertheless true. xxx
     
  13. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,551
    Ireland
    Thank you Verity.

    Do you know, I do believe it's time to close this thread, and start a more hopeful one.

    Because, like it or not, life goes on. The future, such as it is, beckons. And while right now, in many ways, I'd rather it didn't, I know that, given time, I'll wave back at it quite cheerfully. And we do move on. We have no choice but to move on, because we are creatures bound by time. And time moves on relentlessly. William is now only 2 1/2 weeks dead. At the time, I thought the searing, tearing grief was so bad it could surely never feel better. But already, it does. It isn't healed, not by a long chalk - but the gaping wound is healing. Or at least has surgical dressings on it.

    So, we shall move forward with hope. And thank you all for your love and support. That's what TP is all about. xx
     
  14. dumpygirl

    dumpygirl Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    115
    derbyshire
    You put your feelings on paper so eloquently and I really admire your attitude LadyA.
    Keep on keeping on and as they say time is a great healer and it is early days yet.
    Take care and God Bless.
    Anne
     

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