WIFE has become a widow

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by WIFE, Jan 10, 2015.

  1. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,320
    Female
    East Kent
    So very sorry WIFE.
    Sending you my Condolences
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,127
    Toronto, Canada
    Very sorry to hear your news. Please accept my condolences,
     
  3. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    Oh dear - seems I have joined the early morning "sleepless" brigade on T.P. so I am up making endless cups of coffee and copious "lists" of things that must be done and people who must be told about my husband. He hopefully is with the others "up above" with a large gin and tonic in hand, chasing bright young angelic things around the clouds, without a care in the heavens.

    Having spent hours, days and months since his hip fracture and post-operative delirium weeping uncontrollably with sadness at his situation I now feel a strange calm and no tears will fall even though I am totally water-logged.

    I am going to put my foot down over his Funeral - it is going to be what I would like and when I want it.
     
  4. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    WIFE-not only put that foot down but stamp it HARD. No one should be telling you when your Husband should be put to rest. No one:mad:

    Anyway, welcome to the early morning tea brigade. I've been up since before 4.00am:eek: Take it easy with the paperwork. Concentrate on you and what you want for the funeral.

    As always you are in my thoughts

    Love,

    Lyn T XX
     
  5. sunray

    sunray Registered User

    Sep 21, 2008
    1,427
    Female
    East Coast of Australia
    WIFE, I had that trouble with my sister with my mothers funeral, with my husbands my daughter and I shared the responsibility between us. You do what you want to do and if your BIL prefers to shoot well try not to miss him too much. My condolences too and yes, I joined the sleepless brigade for a while too. There were always so many things on my mind. Hope you get a good night's sleep tonight. (((hugs)))
     
  6. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,693
    So sorry to read this, Wife - sending you much love and sympathy, and wishing you strength and peace for the time ahead xxxxx
     
  7. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Of course it's going to be what you would like, and when you want it. Those non-falling tears are strange things. I've cried more since the funeral than I did during the previous 2 weeks. They'll fall at their own pace.

    Any
    help I can give you in this labyrinth that is Planning A Funeral, please feel free to PM me. xxx
     
  8. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    I imagined my dad up there with a big gin and tonic too, Wife, it helped me a lot. No doubt my dad will be welcoming your husband too with a good large glassful.

    When I told my dad's bossy sister what music I had chosen for his funeral, instead of saying it was nice, informed me what his favourite song was, and I should have chosen that instead. It wasn't, and I didn't. ;):mad:
     
  9. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Wife, I'm so very sorry to read your news. It's been such a long road for you, and all the way through, you've shown nothing but compassion.

    Wishing you strength for the days ahead, and my condolences to you on the loss of your husband.
     
  10. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    Its certainly getting harder - I think the immediate anaesthetic is beginning to wear off but I've put best foot forward so to speak and booked date and time to register the death, collected the doglet from friend and had a good, long muddy walk on the Downs. Now my turn for a large G & T in front of the fire - anyone going to join me - I'm sorry it will only be cyber.

    Tomorrow I will clear out the room at the NH - no doubt that will cause a tear to fall.
     
  11. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Scarlett, I'm like that today. I'm in a right state.

    Love as always

    Lyn T
     
  12. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    Will join you in a large G&T WIFE and raise a glass to you and your loved one. Hope sunray meant not miss your BIL at the service rather than when he was out shooting. Sorry, that sounds wrong but you probably know what I mean! Will be thinking of you in your sad task for tomorrow and standing by with virtual tissues to mop up your tears. Love. Verityxx

    Sent from my GT-N5110
     
  13. katehh16

    katehh16 Registered User

    Feb 21, 2014
    33
    derbyshire
    Sending strength for the coming days and weeks ahead x
    As for those people that are so keen to 'help' with arrangements now, were they so keen to spend hours at the nursing home or do much to support you? In most cases I suspect not.....so therefore all choices about funeral arrangements are yours xx
     
  14. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Well I'll have a triple, seeing as you're paying! ;) Good positive steps WIFE, that you've booked a date and time, you have to get the Green Form before you can go further. The clearing of the room will be hard, but then it depends what you want.

    I only took photos, cards etc, and left everything else for them to send to the charity shop. I know what you mean about the anaesthetic though, but you're doing great, and all your friends on TP are here beside you, as you've been for me. Mr Wife would be very proud of his girl. xxx
     
  15. Soobee

    Soobee Registered User

    Aug 22, 2009
    2,734
    South
    Please accept my condolences.

    Wishing you strength in the coming weeks.
     
  16. Millsa2

    Millsa2 Registered User

    Jul 12, 2013
    69
    So sorry for your loss xx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  17. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    Lot of noise in my loft last night - sounded like a good party - thought it might be the "lads" but suspect it is only rats.

    Another of those aching sleepless nights when the "what ifs" and "if only's" swirled around the
    mind and I found myself making plans, plans and yet more plans which now I have totally forgotten.

    Thought I might leave clearing his room until the end of the week but then decided I must not procrastinate so will do it today even though the thought makes me feel quite sick. I am beginning in quick succession to experience all the emotions others bereaved have talked about and now I realise that even though I told myself because he has not been at home for nearly a year it might not be so bad -it doesn't make any difference - I have lost my man.

    Hope Shelagh (Rathbone) and G survived the Bay of Biscay - it is still blowing a hooley here in the South.

    Thinking of you all with loving thoughts.
     
  18. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    I'll have to nip to the Off Licence this morning if you drink triples Scarlett!!!
     
  19. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    Can I have mine later please. Even I can't start the day with G&Tfor breakfast (although when you look at the airport bars full of people taking early morning flights, it would seem that some can!)

    Sent from my GT-N5110
     
  20. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    Dear Verity - can't face a G & T for breakfast - where's your spirit, girl?

    Another strange happening - a long-legged Harvester spider who has lived in my wardrobe hanging from the hanging rail, for several months pooping on my shoes has I just noticed- moved out. Is this some sort of sign? Explanations gratefully received.
     

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