WIFE has become a widow

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by WIFE, Jan 10, 2015.

  1. mabbs

    mabbs Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    238
    Lancashire
    How bizarre I have never heard of a widow or widower removing their rings, why on earth would anyone think it was the thing to do? Like the idea of resizing other OH to wear or putting on necklace.

    Thoughts with you WIFE at such a difficult time
     
  2. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    Shall we start a little contest - no prizes - for the most insensitive comment regarding our bereaved status?
    So far the "ring" one tops the list but how about the lady I have just met at our Post Office who suggested I might be looking for another man - I just retorted with "let me get the current one cremated first!"
     
  3. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    Etiquette decrees that you still address an envelope with Mrs - the husband's initial - and then the surname even when the husband is deceased so why would you dream of putting "single" on a form or removing your precious wedding band?
     
  4. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    How horrible and what quick thinking on your part. I hope she had the good grace to apologise.

    Sent from my GT-N5110
     
  5. rajahh

    rajahh Registered User

    Aug 29, 2008
    2,794
    Hertfordshire
    Not only will I keep my wedding ring on, I now wear my husbands on my right hand, I had it resized.
     
  6. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    I really dispair of people at times, how insenstive of both those people :mad:
     
  7. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,239
    Cotswolds
    Agreed! :mad:
     
  8. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,493
    Female
    Near Southampton
    In truth, I'm not sure if I am wearing my wedding ring.
    It may be my great-grandmother's.
    I took mine off to compare it and they were both identical so I wasn't sure which was which so haven't know which one I've been wearing for over 10 years!

    I wish I could think up retorts like your's Wife!
    I do - but an hour too late!
     
  9. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,529
    Ireland
    The only widow I know who removed her wedding ring was widowed very young - in her 30s - and she removed her original wedding ring when she got engaged to someone else about 15 years later.
     
  10. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,529
    Ireland
    Mind you - I'm not even widowed yet but have heard some very insensitive remarks already! The very week William went into the nursing home, I happened to run into a man I went out with over 30 years ago. I had finished with him because he was playing mind games - I never tolerated game players! Anyway, after hearing William was just gone to a nursing home, the guy had the nerve to ask me out! :-o cheeky b***er!!
     
  11. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    Nice to be wanted, LadyA

    Sent from my GT-N5110
     
  12. DIANE69

    DIANE69 Registered User

    Jan 7, 2014
    45
    wirral
    Oh WIFE the 22nd my Tony s is the 21st so I will be thinking of you.It was cream cakes in the supermarket that set me off.I hope all the new arrivals up there have got together and that someone is throwing them a welcome party.Tony always had a fondness for a large single malt at the moment I am making a determined effort to finish off the left over Christmas drinks.Like you a good nights sleep seems to be a thing of the past.I have taken to cuddling his pillow at night but it does not really help.Going to pour myself a large wine and look at old photos.Hope you enjoy your gin and tonic
     
  13. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    1,366
    Lancashire
    Dad lost Mum 4 years ago & wears his wedding ring plus hers on the little finger of his right hand. He also talks to her in the present tense. He will often say when I am visiting him "I said to your Mum before" or "I was telling your Mum this morning" BTW no dementia, as sane as I am (if I am!!!) just the way he deals with things. He has been talking to her for 52+ years so why would he stop now? I find it quite sweet.
     
  14. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,750
    Kent
    I gave my husband`s wedding ring to our son.
     
  15. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Can't believe how insensitive people can be! Wife, Lyn and Scarlett you have all had far more than your fair share of having your emotions trampled by 'well meaning' people. It beggars belief that some people think in that 'out with the old in with the new' way, as if years of marriage and devotion count for nothing. Big hugs to you all


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  16. NanLorac

    NanLorac Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    686
    Female
    Scotland
    Wife, I can't understand some people. If they have nothing good to say then they should just shut up.

    My mum removed my Dad's ring and I asked if I could have it. I gave it to my son along with a ring of mine and one of OHs. My son had a wedding ring made with the gold. I turned and smiled at Mum when my DIL put it on my sons finger we both had a tear in our eyes.
     
  17. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    How lovely.
     
  18. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    My next-door-neighbour - his wife has been in a dementia home for over ten years - he does not visit her anymore saying his love for her has died - has just phoned and asked me out to dinner TONIGHT. For heavens sake. I have to say with all truth he would be the last man on earth I would ever fancy even if I was looking! However can't be too rude - he runs a deluxe taxi service and is lending me two black Mercedes and drivers for the Funeral cavalcade!
     
  19. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    I will be thinking of you Diane too - the boys will all be having a great party together.
     
  20. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    Well SIL's visit passed off very peaceably and we had a very entertaining hour with the Funeral man with lots of anecdotes and laughter which made the task of choosing the coffin, type of Service etc easier. Everything is more or less settled - except the weather forecast - but instead of feeling more relaxed I am now beginning to stress about the smallest detail - have I chosen correctly - what will other people think of my choices - oh shut up woman and take the dog for a walk!
     

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