WIFE has become a widow

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by WIFE, Jan 10, 2015.

  1. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,529
    Ireland
    Gone to poop on the shoes of some of the "devastated" interferers?;)
     
  2. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    Ha ha, LadyA! Perhaps moved on to spider heaven and taken his poop with him.

    Sent from my GT-N5110
     
  3. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Thinking of you WIFE and hoping that your tremendous courage has helped you today with clearing his room at the Home. Remember, anything I can do to help you, please PM me. :)
     
  4. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    Well its done - and actually was less traumatic and emotional than I thought it would be. I had a stream of Carers and other members of Staff visiting me whilst I packed up what I was taking, several cups of coffee and as it was nearly lunchtime a request from the kitchen as to what I wanted in my sandwich today. I then progressed to the supermarket to stock up for the visitation of my SIL tomorrow and that's when it hit me full in the face. I will not have to buy any more choc buttons, fruit jellies, toiletries, lemon squash and all the other little treats I regularly took with me to the NH for my husband. I was in tears at the checkout but the girl was wonderful having only just said goodbye to her Father a few months ago.

    But better still and you will all be so very proud of me - I have booked the Crematorium for Thursday 22nd January - 3 p.m. - my husband's birthday as I wanted and what's more I have also reserved the local Hotel round the corner from home for the Wake. We held our thirtieth Wedding Anniversary there so it will bring back fond memories. Don't and won't care whether she likes it or not!

    Well that's me tuckered out so taking myself to bed with a hot water bottle, good book and the doglet plus of course, the obligatory G & T. Don't care whether or not the suns over the yardarm today.
     
  5. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    Thank you so much Scarlett - your kindness warms me through and through.
     
  6. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    False alarm - he's moved to the other side of the wardrobe - now pooping on handbags.
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,706
    Kent
    Well done WIFE.

    No longer needing to buy special treats is a massive realisation of the biggest change ever in our lives . I can remember when it hit me like it was yesterday and it's nearly a year ago.

    Look after yourself.
     
  8. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,239
    Cotswolds
    Well done WIFE - what a productive day you've had! enjoy your relaxation with a book - you've earned it :) xx
     
  9. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,493
    Female
    Near Southampton
    Certain areas of Asda and Waitrose are no-go, or go-very-carefully areas, for me even now, 7 months on.
    Like wise the men's section of M&S which is even worse.
    The thing is the tears come up and attack you when you are least expecting it, so it pays to have a bunch of tissues handy at all times.

    You have done wonderfully in arranging things today, I am so pleased for you. It's arranged now and nothing can change it.

    I know what you mean about it making no difference that your husband has not been home for some time. Mine was in hospital and home for nearly 4 years but I never felt alone as did once he left me altogether. Even though I knew he could never return here, it is completely different.

    You're doing so well. Enjoy your G&T. x
     
  10. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    Well done WIFE. You will miss your 2nd home and they will miss you. Can imagine how you felt when shopping as I felt that, though obviously not with the same pain, when Fred went into his CH and shopping patterns had to change.

    Am joining you in a G & T now.

    Verityxx

    Sent from my GT-N5110
     
  11. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,529
    Ireland
    I don't bring many treats to William in the nursing home as they find it hard enough to get him to eat enough. But when he lived at home I had to buy so many special foods and drinks for him! About 3/4 of the grocery bill was stuff just for William! It was terribly upsetting when I went shopping the first time after he went into full time care. I was in the supermarket before realising I didn't actually need anything at all except cat food!
     
  12. onlyme247

    onlyme247 Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    51
    N.W.England
    Wife I have been away from t.p. for a while and am saddened by your news.Things must feel overwhelming sometimes my thoughts are with you.
     
  13. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    Another sleepless night - I am really going to look like nothing on earth at the Funeral next week. A "kind" neighbour" called round last night to help me decide what to wear - decided I had nothing in my wardrobe really suitable (true) and would take me shopping next week for a new outfit. Meant well but I want to do that for myself without the pressure of having to have what someone else deems fit and proper. Have invented a meeting with my Solicitor so will now have to make the appointment for that time. When she left at 8.30 p.m. I was wacked and just screamed "please leave me alone" - what happened - the phone rang and it was a friend from Canada who stayed on the phone (you can never get rid of her and her squeaky Canadian voice) until 10 p.m. I suspect I dosed on and off throughout!

    I cannot wait for it all to be over and peace and quiet descend so that the dog and I can resume a routine albeit different from this last horrible year.

    Thank you all for your kind messages - you support me most of all.

    P.S. Stand by your beds - SIL arrives on the 12.20 p.m. train.
     
  14. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Oh wife, sending you huge hugs , we are all here beside you , hoping you find strength for the difficult days ahead . Much love to you Heike xxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  15. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Hi WIFE

    Well you appear to be well organised-so you obviously don't need anyone helping you decide what to wear! Cheek! Sometimes we just need to be left alone don't we? Yesterday a friend came round-all good to start with :)Then she asked me had I thought about when I would take my wedding band off as I was now a widow?:eek::(

    Well thanks for the reminder! Do bereaved people take their wedding bands off? I have no intention of doing so:eek::confused:

    Good luck with the SIL;) If there's a battle re the funeral arrangements-my money is on you to win:D

    Love, as always

    Lyn T
     
  16. bemused1

    bemused1 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2012
    3,402
    What a bizarre idea, to take your wedding ring off! Does bereavement suddenly make you unmarried, not in my book.

    Sent from my Hudl HT7S3 using Talking Point mobile app
     
  17. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,706
    Kent
    I`ve no intention of taking mine off either .

    I recently had to fill in a form which asked if I was single or married. There was no way I could put single, either.
     
  18. hokeycokey

    hokeycokey Registered User

    Feb 24, 2014
    139
    WIFE I think you're doing very all with everyone interfering but I guess that it's kind of people to try and help, mostly their heart is in the right place. Well done on all your organising and good luck with SiL and the shopping.
    Thinking of all you girls at this difficult time x
     
  19. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,493
    Female
    Near Southampton
    Me neither.
     
  20. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    #100 truth24, Jan 13, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2015
    I've never heard of anyone taking their wedding rings off. Those of my non TP friends who have lost their loved ones have not only continued wearing their rings but have also had their husband's rings resized to wear on their right hand or wear on a chain around their neck. I am also sure that they still consider themselves married. I sometimes wonder if people are insensitive or just don't engage brain before speaking.
    Perhaps I'm the wrong one to cast stones here...
    Sent from my GT-N5110
     

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