hi
@Helen10
as we are all anonymous here, each of us is able to choose how much to share, and sometimes it is just such a relief to tell it like it is to folk who understand and don't judge
may I suggest that you accept the placement offered because right now you need a break and your mum needs to be where a team of carers can look after her
I appreciate it's not easy on your dad or you, and I understand your dad's concerns ... however, I wonder whether your mum will remember (certainly do not tell her) and it is extremely unlikely that the move will have that extreme effect ... really, that's a way of your dad voicing his worry and fear for his wife and grief over being separated from her
maybe think of some things you can send with your mum that may be of comfort to her, some of her favourite possessions (nothing with eg glass, or of financial value) and you and your dad can write cards for her to open each day