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Who to contact first when you feel you have reached crisis point?

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
hello, dont try and do too much and let it overwhelm you. if i got half of that done, id be happy.

Thank you. This week has been overwhelming for many reasons. Not withstanding caring for mum, dad and the kids, my job this week was full on and I had worked a 60 hr week by Thursday. So have a lot of catching up to do on household chores. I am trying to be kind to myself (although that doesn’t come easily). Mum always said “Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best.” Trying to make her proud still-even though she no-longer knows who I am. Hx
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,137
0
Southampton
Thank you. This week has been overwhelming for many reasons. Not withstanding caring for mum, dad and the kids, my job this week was full on and I had worked a 60 hr week by Thursday. So have a lot of catching up to do on household chores. I am trying to be kind to myself (although that doesn’t come easily). Mum always said “Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best.” Trying to make her proud still-even though she no-longer knows who I am. Hx
make sure you have regular tea breaks. i dont know how old the children are but could they manage something for you?
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,485
0
South East
I throw myself in to chores when I feel low and it strangely helps me , guess because I am taking myself away from it all for a couple of hours . It’s hard being pulled in multiple directions , you are doing amazing , if you can take time out for yourself , a walk a bath anything just to get some you time then that would be good . I used to take the dog out and that really helps me but not been able to for a few weeks. Glad you got some sleep 🤗
 

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
I throw myself in to chores when I feel low and it strangely helps me , guess because I am taking myself away from it all for a couple of hours . It’s hard being pulled in multiple directions , you are doing amazing , if you can take time out for yourself , a walk a bath anything just to get some you time then that would be good . I used to take the dog out and that really helps me but not been able to for a few weeks. Glad you got some sleep 🤗

I will try but doubt I’ll get any time to myself today. Hoping for a walk with my 7 year old tomorrow. Xx
 

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
I am taking regular tea breaks and checking in on here. The support and encouragement from you all is really helping. It it comforting to know others have felt the same. Mum has woken relatively calm today and is currently enjoying a cup of tea whilst brushing her own hair. Hoping for a ‘calm mum’ day. Thank you for the love and hugs Hxx
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,794
0
My mum, unlike yours, followed Shirley Conran's advice and said 'Life's too short to stuff a mushroom,' and thought the important thing was to go out and do the things you want to do. I'm a bit less frivolous than my mum, but still I think it might be a good idea to forget about all but the essential things that need doing around the house and take your children to the park or yourself off and have a take away coffee or whatever you'd like to do. Running yourself into the ground in pursuit of perfection isn't going to do anyone in your family, especially you, any good.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,088
0
Yorkshire
hi @Helen10
apart from any incontinence aftermath, does the bed linen need to be changed today ... and the same for any other chores .... get takeaway, have something that needs no prep ...
“Good, better, best. Never let it rest" is fine when you're not in such stressful times, though it puts you under stress even when things are running smoothly ... no-one can do their best every time, all the time, and we all need to let some things go and have a rest
try adding "That's for when I'm at my best. Right now good enough is good. better and best'
sometimes good enough is what will get us through
I'm glad you're taking some time with your children
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,137
0
Southampton
the sun is shining where i am. plenty of time for chores when it rains. perhaps do some then have a walk this afternoon with the children just to take in the view
 

Everest1969

Registered User
Jan 9, 2021
42
0
Hello @Helen10 > i ahve not been on here for a couple of days and have just been catching up on this thread. I've not much to add what others have said, except to reinforce that you are in good company here. I think guilt is a load that most of us carry and it sucks. I also have a 7 year old and sometimes feel the additional guilt of being so distracted with my parent's problems that she doesn't get the attention she deserves. Keep posting here and let us know how you get on this weekend. I'm currently working up the courage to call my mother. I dread it, as she is so unhappy and it's out of my power to change anything for her.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,137
0
Southampton
there is a stick some where on here that gets passed around to bash the guilt with. i think its @Weasell has the parrot on her shoulder as well to help. no doubt they will tell you about it and you can make use of that as well
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,915
0
South coast
I agree - you dont have to do more than the essentials - when Im feeling low I often work out what the apbsolute minimum is that means I can get throught the day. I havent been well the past cople of days and today the beds are not made, the washing up is not done, the house hasnt been cleaned for a week and I dont care

No-one will die if the cleaning is not done this weekend
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,137
0
Southampton
sorry you havent felt very well @canary . i have to pace myself and spread the jobs over the week other wise im in pain but im not the best for taking my own advice. did have a quieter start this week because of the fall and feeling ill. i feel i need permission to take things easier.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,137
0
Southampton
thankyou @Banjomansmate and @canary im done today. i try and do one thing a day. pride is the biggest issue. setting unrealistic targets so you set yourself up to fail. ive a book to finish and listening to music.- it relaxes himself and he says hes not asleep but hes snoring.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
589
0
@HELEN 10. Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you.
You are not alone in this. I struggle at times and my mum is reasonably steady at the moment and I have only one at home who is grown up.
I could not have managed with children. Agree with the others, let domestic standards slip a bit ....give yourself a break and treat yourself kindly. You are a hero and have done really well but even super hero’s need a break . So take anything that’s offered.
I don’t know what you do for a living but try and cut the hours back, 60 hour weeks are no good for anyone. I cracked doing 24 hours!!
Hope you have had a good cry and now try and do something nice or simply just chill with the children.
Please take care of yourself.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,137
0
Southampton
Thank you @Shedrech @Sarasa @jennifer1967 @Everest1969 @canary @Banjomansmate -hope I haven’t missed anyone-apologies if I have. Finished cleaning downstairs and thought I would take 10 minutes and have a drink. Sought refuge in the home office as it feels as though there are people everywhere. Realised that my heart is racing, my hands are trembling and I’m crying. Lots of tears.
oh @Helen10 i think you should call it quits on the housework. another day tomorrow. ive had to where my back was playing up. i always say no your limits and i think you have gone well beyond them now.is there a walk you can take alone or with the children. try seeing nature through a childs eyes even if only ten minutes just to take the tension out and bring the anxiety levels down.
 

Laura40

Registered User
Dec 10, 2017
132
0
England
oh @Helen10 i think you should call it quits on the housework. another day tomorrow. ive had to where my back was playing up. i always say no your limits and i think you have gone well beyond them now.is there a walk you can take alone or with the children. try seeing nature through a childs eyes even if only ten minutes just to take the tension out and bring the anxiety levels down.
Hi Helen, just read through your thread. Take everybodys advice if you can, and take a breather. My husband has a type of younger person's dementia and I am a bit like you he's incontinent, only focused on food and totally helpless but I still working and constantly focusing on chores and our kids but I've realized I will do anything to stop myself from thinking on my real worries and the chores will still be there tomorrow. Before Xmas during lockdown I lost it and got in the car and drove for around 8 hours straight, not even sure where! it took family, social services and colleague all to get me to slow down and realize I had to face the issues head on. Doing much better now but only with help. Respite will really help you and it doesn't matter where if social services believe it to be safe you just need to take it and get some head space for yourself that's the only way you can be any good for those that rely on you.