Thanks @Woo2 @Sarasa @canary xxx
I too still wonder if someone will say mum has capacity and they can't make her stay in a CH. Until decision is made by SW then we won't give notice on her house or pack but I might start sorting through the rest of mums clothes and maybe tidy a couple of cupboards. I was thinking I might get hubby to drop me off at mums one morning as she has boxes on top of the wardrobe with out of season and extra clothes in which I didn't go through when I went through wardrobe to pack for CH. Mum will be wanting autumn and winter clothes son so I'll need to go through them to pack her some warmer things and could also look if there's any she doesn't wear and put aside to donate or throw away.
Also her under sink cupboard is full of random cleaning products that are years old. I did her other kitchen cupboards out when mum first went to DC and I went back to mums and cleaned but I didn't have time to do the under sink cupboard and she'd never let me do it when she was there.
Mum also has a big floor to ceiling cupboard on one side of chimney breast in living room that has become quite a mess over the last year. Mum just puts things in willy nilly and also often rifled through it looking for things, often forgetting what she's looking for but carrying on looking and getting piles mixed up. She kept saying she was going to sort it out though whenever I suggested we did some she'd soon get tired of it, some times I'd do a bit myself when she was doing something else but she didn't like me doing it for long either and usually within a few days anything we'd tidied would be back in a mess again anyway. I might get it tidied and then at least when it comes to emptying it it will be quicker and easier to see what's there and if needs be and mum sees it, which I doubt, I can always tell mum I tidied it up as a favour for her.
My sister rang the CH yesterday to see how mum was. They told sis mum was still talking about going home but was sitting settled so sis spoke to her. Mum didn't say much but sis said she sounded ok, a nice strong voice, mums voice changes when she is worried or upset, we call it her little girl lost voice it's sad to hear. Sis said mum didn't say much and kept saying she couldn't hear sis but she seemed bright enough and said Hello love to her and was talking staff member about how to use phone and sounded comfortable with her. Mum said she didn't know why she was there she couldn't remember and asked if sis was coming to pick her up. Sis told her When the DR says you're ready to go home. Mum told sis where she was using the homes name so she'd know where to fetch her from.
Staff told sis that memory nurse is going to see mum either friday or monday, I'm not sure if going for a general check cos mums in CH, or if it's her medication monitoring cos she's been on mementine for a month now and they come out to check BP and if doing ok on it after month, I think the medication monitoring cos she told me she'd come out after mum been on it a month when spoke when mum went on it. It'll be first time I've not been with mum when seen by memory team which feels weird.
I'm struggling to ring CH and haven't rung since last friday, my sister has rung a couple of times this week instead of me. I tried calling Sunday but burst into tears while dialling and every time I thought to call after. I get really upset when I think about calling and asking about mum. I also find it really frustrating calling as I feel a bit better for five minutes when speak to home but then start thinking about what they say and what they've not said and worrying about mum. It brings up more questions than it gives answers.
Normally we don't get to speak to mum, it's just staff and they don't tell you much. Its usually similar things, she's ok, still talking about going home, sometimes say if had shower or not, or if eating ok or not, but there's nothing we can do about any of it. If when I rang it had a positive effect on mum then I'd ring all the time but it doesn't, she doesn't know we've rung and it makes no difference to her day. Even on odd occasion we've spoke to mum it's been really short, once mums asked if we're coming to take her home or she's said she's coming home soon she goes, so apart from hearing her voice we know no more than when don't speak to her and I think staff don't want to unsettle her so haven't said can speak to her much. I've spoke to her twice and sis once.
When we call CH we're not calling cos we or they need to ask or tell us something before something's done for mum, if something did need our attention they'd ring us, so basically we're ringing for our benefit and I don't get much benefit from it. It just sets me off wondering how mum is and feeling sad she's there, though I'm thinking about it constantly anyway but I'm worse after call. I usually end up in tears and this week I feel like crying as soon as I think of calling so I've let my sister do it instead then at least I can cry without CH staff hearing me. After a call I still don't know how mum is really, how she fills her day, does she do her puzzles, is she talking to people, watching tv, how often she's upset, is she wondering where we are, if she's bored or happy, is she clean, is she soaking her teeth, getting changed? They give us a bit of brief info on some things and I could ask about more about some things and I'm sure they'd try answer but it'd still probably be brief, and I can't do anything about it anyway if she is or isn't doing things can I. I don't think the CH are doing anything wrong or keeping anything from us, they're always nice on the phone it's just how much can they say really and what can we do with that info. It's like mum's here but isn't and we're involved but not much really.
I too still wonder if someone will say mum has capacity and they can't make her stay in a CH. Until decision is made by SW then we won't give notice on her house or pack but I might start sorting through the rest of mums clothes and maybe tidy a couple of cupboards. I was thinking I might get hubby to drop me off at mums one morning as she has boxes on top of the wardrobe with out of season and extra clothes in which I didn't go through when I went through wardrobe to pack for CH. Mum will be wanting autumn and winter clothes son so I'll need to go through them to pack her some warmer things and could also look if there's any she doesn't wear and put aside to donate or throw away.
Also her under sink cupboard is full of random cleaning products that are years old. I did her other kitchen cupboards out when mum first went to DC and I went back to mums and cleaned but I didn't have time to do the under sink cupboard and she'd never let me do it when she was there.
Mum also has a big floor to ceiling cupboard on one side of chimney breast in living room that has become quite a mess over the last year. Mum just puts things in willy nilly and also often rifled through it looking for things, often forgetting what she's looking for but carrying on looking and getting piles mixed up. She kept saying she was going to sort it out though whenever I suggested we did some she'd soon get tired of it, some times I'd do a bit myself when she was doing something else but she didn't like me doing it for long either and usually within a few days anything we'd tidied would be back in a mess again anyway. I might get it tidied and then at least when it comes to emptying it it will be quicker and easier to see what's there and if needs be and mum sees it, which I doubt, I can always tell mum I tidied it up as a favour for her.
My sister rang the CH yesterday to see how mum was. They told sis mum was still talking about going home but was sitting settled so sis spoke to her. Mum didn't say much but sis said she sounded ok, a nice strong voice, mums voice changes when she is worried or upset, we call it her little girl lost voice it's sad to hear. Sis said mum didn't say much and kept saying she couldn't hear sis but she seemed bright enough and said Hello love to her and was talking staff member about how to use phone and sounded comfortable with her. Mum said she didn't know why she was there she couldn't remember and asked if sis was coming to pick her up. Sis told her When the DR says you're ready to go home. Mum told sis where she was using the homes name so she'd know where to fetch her from.
Staff told sis that memory nurse is going to see mum either friday or monday, I'm not sure if going for a general check cos mums in CH, or if it's her medication monitoring cos she's been on mementine for a month now and they come out to check BP and if doing ok on it after month, I think the medication monitoring cos she told me she'd come out after mum been on it a month when spoke when mum went on it. It'll be first time I've not been with mum when seen by memory team which feels weird.
I'm struggling to ring CH and haven't rung since last friday, my sister has rung a couple of times this week instead of me. I tried calling Sunday but burst into tears while dialling and every time I thought to call after. I get really upset when I think about calling and asking about mum. I also find it really frustrating calling as I feel a bit better for five minutes when speak to home but then start thinking about what they say and what they've not said and worrying about mum. It brings up more questions than it gives answers.
Normally we don't get to speak to mum, it's just staff and they don't tell you much. Its usually similar things, she's ok, still talking about going home, sometimes say if had shower or not, or if eating ok or not, but there's nothing we can do about any of it. If when I rang it had a positive effect on mum then I'd ring all the time but it doesn't, she doesn't know we've rung and it makes no difference to her day. Even on odd occasion we've spoke to mum it's been really short, once mums asked if we're coming to take her home or she's said she's coming home soon she goes, so apart from hearing her voice we know no more than when don't speak to her and I think staff don't want to unsettle her so haven't said can speak to her much. I've spoke to her twice and sis once.
When we call CH we're not calling cos we or they need to ask or tell us something before something's done for mum, if something did need our attention they'd ring us, so basically we're ringing for our benefit and I don't get much benefit from it. It just sets me off wondering how mum is and feeling sad she's there, though I'm thinking about it constantly anyway but I'm worse after call. I usually end up in tears and this week I feel like crying as soon as I think of calling so I've let my sister do it instead then at least I can cry without CH staff hearing me. After a call I still don't know how mum is really, how she fills her day, does she do her puzzles, is she talking to people, watching tv, how often she's upset, is she wondering where we are, if she's bored or happy, is she clean, is she soaking her teeth, getting changed? They give us a bit of brief info on some things and I could ask about more about some things and I'm sure they'd try answer but it'd still probably be brief, and I can't do anything about it anyway if she is or isn't doing things can I. I don't think the CH are doing anything wrong or keeping anything from us, they're always nice on the phone it's just how much can they say really and what can we do with that info. It's like mum's here but isn't and we're involved but not much really.