• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
508
Thanks @CardiffGirlInEssex x It was a good visit, and has made me feel a bit better about things. I was worried when I did get to see mum she would be worse than when she went in and I'd think it was the wrong thing for her. She wasn't worse. She was better than she had been in hospital, and probably today a little better than she had been at home too, In hospital mum had been on the edge of agitation and was unsettled even on days we had good hospital visits.
Mum sounds almost - relaxed?! Of course Mum will have good and bad days but having the 24 hour reassurance must be helping her settle. I'm not sure she wouldn't be saying she was 'stuck here' even if she was at home, given she didn't always recognise her home, and she is probably being reminded more of not being able to come and go by the staff coming and going. It sounds like this has been a good move for mum. Hopefully now you can relax a bit, knowing she has her puzzles and is not stuck in her room all the time. The carers obviously care about her and know how she is doing and given it's only been a few weeks it's going really well.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,688
South coast
It sounds a lovely caring place and she is settling so well. Its only been three weeks and it took mum a couple of months to settle. Im so pleased that she recognised you.

When you of her, you can think of her doing her puzzles and colouring now and you can picture how the staff are relating to her.🥰
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,712
Yorkshire
Hi, my mum calls me everybody's names, and I smile and remind her of something really sweet she did for me, and even though she talks of herself in the third party

This works for me : I smile, then remind her of something she did for me that I'm incredibly grateful for and that shifts her mood. Even though she refers herself as the third-party, like 'that was a lovely thing that woman did for you', she smiles when I remind her again and again that it is her. I hope this helps ❤
Thats a good tactic x
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,712
Yorkshire
Thanks @DianeW @Banjomansmate @imthedaughter @canary xxxx
As soon as we got in the car I text my sister to tell her I'd seen mum and see if she was free for me to ring and tell her about it which she was. She was really pleased to hear how mum had been at visit and it cheered her up too.
It helped to see mum seeming quite calm and yes relaxed of sorts yesterday. As a first visit it was reassuring and went much better than I expected when I'd thought about what visiting could be like, I'd been bit worried about if it would upset mum and how she'd be with me. If she'd be angry with me for leaving her there or not taking her home with us, but she wasn't, she just seemed happy to talk to us. If she had been upset or angry I'd have worried about going again and making her feel worse but because she wasn't, even if sometimes she is when I go another time, I'll at least know it's not always having that effect and she can enjoy a visit in right mood so it's worth keep trying.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,861
I'm so please you got to see your mum. She is obviously in the right place and the staff seem great. Your mum sounds so much better than she did her last few weeks at home, less stressed for a start, and it was great that she recognised you.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,634
Bedford
I think I agree what all the others have said. Brilliant that you got to see your Mum, good that you didn’t have to think about it in advance. It seems that you Mum has settled in comparatively well and it sounds like a good CH.
Hugs to you as it must still seem really strange 🤗🤗🤗
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,712
Yorkshire
After a lovely surprise visit with mum on Saturday unfortunately I won't be visiting mum this week as the CH has suspended visiting at moment. They said on phone they have had to halt the the visiting temporarily while they get some more guidance because of new measures announced but they are hoping to have it sorted soon. Deputy manager has been really sympathetic over it as he says he know its hard for us not being able to just come and go visiting mum when we like and spend time in the home with her and now not to be able to visit at all at the moment. I don't know how long that it will be suspended for, or how it will be if they do reinstate it yet. I'm so glad I got to see mum on Saturday as it had been 3 weeks since she went in to CH and I'd not seen her and was so worried how she was. Now it might be a bit before can see her again. I was half expecting they might change visiting after reading of others experiences on here but I still cried when I heard yesterday.
My sister called the home today to speak to deputy manager and ask how mum is doing and while they'd been monitoring mum if thought she was in right place and also if knew when CHC meeting would be.
He said he will chase up the meeting as not heard anything recently and when he knows he will let us know. He said they will probably tell us anyway but he'll let us know when he knows too just to make sure so we can attend if we want to. Although at minute he's not sure how meeting will happen if in person or by phone maybe.
He told sis that he does think mum is in the right place, he thinks she needs emi residential, which is what they do and they also do emi nursing but she doesn’t need that. He said that some of the others are definitely further on than her but that it all depends how you look at it because mum can seem ok one minute but then she will say something that is totally wrong and by afternoon she is quite confused. He can’t get over the way she is caught in the time of 30 years ago, he’s never seen anyone so consistent with a particular time.
He said mum is doing well and is ok today. That mum spends quite a bit of time with the chap who went in the same week as her and they chat, and she likes spending time with the staff, who apparently have a soft spot for her. Which was nice for sis and me to hear.
He said they have to keep an eye on her with some of the other residents as Mum still tries to help them, leading them round by the hand, but they give her something else to do and my sister said she told him mum will love having little jobs to do. Ocassionally mum says Are you going to let me go home yet? but she says it with a smile rather than angry and most of the time he said mum just rolls her eyes and laughs at him when he says no. My sister said he said something about mum costing him a fortune in chocolate, she thinks maybe he is using it as a distraction. Sis told him mum has a stash I take her and he said mum won't let him near that.
He said mum tends to pick and graze rather than eating full meals and likes a cup of tea and a biscuit so they let her do that if it helps her. My sister said he mentioned how mum likes her tea making, which is a bit unusual, and that she likes hobnobs so sis was pleased he knew that about her and they did it how she liked. I'm not sure if mums not eating full meals because she doesn't like the food cos she's a really fussy eater and only eats a few things. Or if it's cos she's feeling a bit sicky from taking her tablets all together and on a morning because she got like that at home at first so I gave her some with lunch rather than breakfast when she ate more but hospital and home give them all in a morning by sounds of it. Or it could be mum got in a habit in hospital cos she wouldn't eat much there cos she was upset and unsettle wanting to go home. I hope it's not cos she's upset and unsettled there in CH as she does seem more settled there than hospital but it could be she has got into habit of not eating much at mealtimes. Last year when mum had a bad bout of her diverticulitis she was hardly eating anything and that carried on for a while afterwards. It took me quite a while to get her back to eating full meals again so it's a shame if she's gone back to it again now. Also mum's used to having her main cooked meal at evening and I think care homes do it at lunchtime so that could be a factor. I hope as she settles more and gets used to their meal times and food they make and she starts to eat more again. The home don't seem worried about it yet, and neither does my sister so I'll keep taking her crisps biscuits and sweets in as she will eat those and see how she goes on.
He said mum's sleeping well and taking her meds well which is good as she wouldn't take them at first. He said they'd had to ask for some from DR as it hadn't got them all on her last prescription so my sister told him I'd got couple of text from pharmacy for two tablets and that they were issued from memory clinic so he thought that explained it. So hopefully they'll get it worked out before next one.
He said mum's still not keen on being told to go in the shower and they have to talk her into it but I don't think he didn't seem too worried by it. He said that she is doing really well, really settling, if she ever does get funny she is easily settled and there is a difference in her now and when she first came in. My sister was pleased by how much he told her and seemed to know about mum already. We were a bit worried at CHC meeting with hospital and SS social workers that they might say should move her and she didn't need EMI care and wasn't in right place cos others more advanced than mum so sis was reassured that he said he thought mum was in right place .
Mum's been in home 4 weeks now and the hospital SW said CH place was only supposed to be funded for assessment for 6 weeks so I think meeting should be soon where we discuss and decide if SS is going to take over funding mums place and keep her there or not.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
440
I know it must be so hard not seeing mum. However from your description she seems reasonably content, looked after by a team rather than one exhausted daughter.
She really sounds quite settled so I would say it’s a good move in the circumstances and the right place for her.
Well done in choosing the home and I hope you are now starting to relax. If you have an Aldi near you they have some really cheap craft kits...get something different and relax you really do deserve it!!
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,794
South East
I agree with @Starting on a journey , you picked a great home , and it sounds like they have got to know Mum really well already and the little things they have picked up and learnt is impressive, all good signs they are great carers . Your mum sounds pretty well settled , and even if she has sundowning they sound well used to that and are dealing with it really well , that must be so heartening to hear and reassuring . I think it’s sweet she has a friendship with a gent and also that they are giving her little jobs . Please try and allow yourself some relaxing time knowing mum is being very well cared for. Hope the visits can resume soon . More chocolate and biscuit parcels needed by the sounds of it :) I would be suprised if you were asked to attend, more likely to be a telephone meeting I would of thought but could be wrong . Your lovely mum is def in the right place and can’t see that anyone will disagree.🤗
 

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
762
Lytham St Annes
I’m really pleased your mum does appear to be doing well and is settled, it’s early days too really so very positive.

I’m happy for your Mum in that she does have the staff and residents to distract her and keep her from being so distressed.

I too hope now you feel better and are starting to relax a little and spend time with your husband...hope too that he is keeping well, he must be so relieved that the stress and pressure is off you a bit now.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,712
Yorkshire
thanks @Starting on a journey @Woo2 @Sarasa @DianeW xxxx
Its is nice to know the staff are getting to know mum in the CH, it makes me and my sister feel a bit better about her being there. It's also good to hear that they think mum isn't getting as upset and agitated as she was and she's not constantly talking about going home now. She did seem calmer and easier to distract and not as upset when I saw her last saturday. Really wish I could see her again this week and hope it isn't long before can see her again.
To be honest I'm still worrying and thinking about mum a lot, feeling a bit lost what to do with myself but not in mood to do much and not sleeping great, but seeing mum on Saturday and hearing from sis what deputy manager said about mum today helps. x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,966
Kent
It`s a very slow adjustment to a totally different lifestyle, made even more difficult by this pandemic. Give yourself time @annielou .

It was hard enough for those of us who could visit
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,921
Chester
I've been following and not managed to comment for weeks I think.

I think your mum has settled really quickly in the home from much of what I've read over my time on TP and you have done an amazing job.

It is so hard to let go when you are used to seeing her all the time and so sad you can't see her.

It takes time when you've been in a routine for years to relax and do other things.

I think the crafting kits from Aldi sound a good idea - they normally have everything on line if you don't want to go in the shop. Hobbycraft also have a good selection.

I only liked to have one thing on the go at once but my daughter always likes to have several projects to move between them for variety. So if this works for you maybe get a couple of different ones, and set aside a time each weekday to do one for half an hour - you probably won't enjoy it or concentrate well at first and then a couple of weeks on you may find yourself immersed in them.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,712
Yorkshire
Thanks for replies @Woo2 @Grannie G @jugglingmum xxx Yes the pandemic is a pain and making things worse for visiting, I think I'd feel better if could go see her in the home and see her room and have helped her unpack and spend a bit of time with her. I hate the thought of her being sad and unhappy, always have, and not being able to see how she is for myself is really hard, as is not being able to do anything to help if she is sad or unhappy. It's good to hear that mum seems to be settling down and feeling calmer though and the staff and home seem to be caring.
I used to be a hobbycraft regular, online and in store and bought quite a bit of wool and material from aldi too. I have tons of crafts supplies as that's what I used to do before looking after mum took over. I've been doing a bit of knitting that I don't have to concentrate on, and may get round to do something else, it just seems odd at the moment. Hopefully mum will settle and so will I x
 
Last edited:

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,921
Chester
I would be very upset if I couldn't help set the room up and see it.

I just thought a kit might get you going again as needs less thought than going through what you've got as was thinking it needs to be something you didn't need much concentration.

I just keep telling myself we are all badly affected by the virus in one way or another and just have to make the best as dwelling on the bad bits doesnt help if that makes sense.